Hi all...I just started posting on this forum and thought I'd start this diary to share my thoughts, get some feedback and hopefully some help. everyones stories on here are so inspiring and they give me hope for my own success. I've always been a very private person so this is a big step for me, maybe one that I need to take in my journey.

Let me give everyone a little background. I'm 22 years old and a college student in the los angeles area. I'm 5'4 and weigh 155lbs, down from 175lbs. I've always been overweight, since childhood. I think 175 or possibly 180 is my heaviest, there was a time that I didn't weigh myself for years, so theres really no way of telling. my goal right now is to be at about 125 which I think is a healthy weight for me and not an unrealistic goal. this means that I have 30lbs to lose, not that much but somehow seems impossible to me now.

I've lost 20 lbs so far, and I know that I can lose the rest...with the proper motivation. I bought a couple pairs of nice jeans...in a size 7...which has helped me keep my focus a little bit more. the exercise isn't the problem, its the eating, there is no way for me to stick to a diet...my lifestyle makes sure of that...I just need to train myself to eat healthier...my biggest challenge.

There are days when I feel that I'm fine the way I am and that I don't really need to lose the weight but I think thats just temptation whispering in my ear and depression fueling my actions. I have so much in my life to be thankful for and no reason for depression, yet I can't get away from it. I've had a hard life starting with a sad, difficult childhood. I've always had self-esteem issues, for various reasons, and am still trying to break free of them. the only thing holding me back from a new life is the old weight. not that I think losing weight will solve my problems, but I definitely think the accopmlishment will do wonders for my esteem.

food has been one of my closest friends, my goal is to see food as sustinance not happiness. any of you ever hear that johnny cash song Hurt? I'm listening to it now, kind of reminds me of what I'm talking about..."I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, the only thing thats real"...this song is about drug use of course, but for many of us food is our drug. sort of hits home a bit for me.

Thats enough for now, but I'll be back with more and maybe some embarassing before pictures to really get my ass in gear.

-Heather

Hi Heather,
Sorry to hear about your childhood. That can never be easy. I think you will find that there are a lot of people on this forum who have similar pasts--so you are certainly not alone! Have you talked to your doctor about your depression?

It sounds like you have made some great progress so far in your weight loss! Keep up the good work, and there is so much information on this forum for you if you need it. We are here for you, welcome!

Welcome to the party...

And have a great journey...you're off to a good start.