REDICULOUS! I keep falling out of this, and I really can't figure out why... I just need to focus...I have a wedding to be in at the end of May, and I REALLY don't wanna wear a sleeveless with arms like these... bleh. But also, and I know that I've said this the last two diaries of mine, I just feel like CRAP. All the clothes I bought when I lost 40lbs last year are to tight again, I've gained 22lbs back, and I've already donated all my fat clothes! AAARRGGGHH!!! This sucks, in a BIG way...
I don't have a lot of free time to get to the gym- NOT an excuse, I've been remodeling my house, so I work 70hours per week, and spend all the extra on the remodel... Soooo, when this is finally finished, I'll get back to that, but I guess at least I'm getting SOME physical exertion outta this, lol.
I'm trying to get my food back on track, but its almost like I feel like I SHOULD be eating more and more, does that make sense?
Anyways, any support would be appreciated, tho I don't expect a ton with all the people who really deserve it, lol.
Talk to ya all later!

I had a pretty good day today, all in all. My dad was in town and took my sisters and I to dinner, which is USUALLY a pretty bad idea, lol, but I got a grilled chicken salad, dressing on the side, didn't even use the whole dressing.
At GNC today, I was unpacking freight and we got a new kind of raw food bar in- I was intrigued, MOSTLY cuz the box was cute so I bought one- Chocolate Coconut- and when I opened it, I almost gagged. It stunk SOO bad.. but when I took a bite- HOLY HUNNIES! It tastes like unbaked cookie dough with coconut in it... Yep. Found my new favorite desert
Did some grocery shopping tonight, got some good shiznik... I have a fairly good feeling about starting anew. Tho I will admit, right now, with nothing to do, I just wanna eat. How weird! I've never been a boredom eater before... Anyone got some hints on that??

So I guess this is officially day two. And its over, thank GOD!!! Did really well until the end of the night, like I say, I think that when I don't do anything, thats when I think, huh. A giant bowl of cereal would be great right now... Still though, I didn't freak out and have any crazy splurges(um, except for the cereal ), which is a positive sign.

Its already pretty obvious that noone is looking at my journal, regardless of how many posts and comments I seem to leave for other people, and I'm ok with that... I have a friend joining, so I guess I'll have one person to help me. That isn't suppose to sound negative either(on the off chance that someone HAPPENS to read this), its just true. When I first signed up for this a year ago, the amount of support I received was PHENOMENAL(sp??). I lost forty pounds, and then just sorta dropped out... there were other issues of course- I wrote about them in an old diary- so I guess I kinda deserve no help... but in another 18 days, it will be exactly a year since the main reason I've regained 20lbs has happened. Screw depression, who needs it. Screw people who don't believe in you. Screw the fact that the people that are suppose to protect you REALLY don't care what happens to you. Its time to just do it, get over it, get on with life. I was happy after 40lbs gone.. I can be that way again. And hopefully by this time next year, I'll have fantastic before and after pics to put up
Christie- where are you man!! I need you

Great that you decided to take the step towards a new you! I would think with all that working and remodeling you would not have time to gain weight -but then the real me starts to think and it actually may be easier since fast food or take out seems to be the quick fix when we have limitited time.
I totally use to eat out of boredom-so I stopped buying alot at the grocery store just things that I dont like for the kiddos and huband like yougurt, cereal,sandwich meat.... it works for me. I rather walk down to the store everday to pick something out for me to eat than have too much around.You can brush your teeth when you feel like eating for no reason nothing taste worst than toothpaste and food.LOL

LOL that's a good tip .. I've found that out too.

Jess, this is my day two as well. The first couple of days are HARD. Hopefully, within a few days we'll both feel much more 'with the programme'.

Your doing great! Just remember there are a lot of diaries out there and people are trying to be active more (thats what I keep telling myself) rather than sit on the internet.

As for eating while sitting around at night... I in Grad school, so this happens to me often. I just drink my water... pretty much constantly. Sometimes your body mistakes hunger for dehydration.

Just a few thoughts... I have to go get the mother load of reading done this morning.

Thanks guys all the tips are great.. I used to do the toothbrush one often, and I remember it working for me, so I'm gonna hafta give it another go.

OOOOOOKKKKK. so. bad decision making tonight... went out with some friends, had a few drinks. I haven't drank in almost a year, but it was pretty amazing at how much alcohol just comes right back to ya! My calories BEFORE i went to the bar were great. but, uh, after four beers and two shots, I assume I probably went over a bit I have a long day tomorrow- work at the mall till five pm, then work at the gym from 11pm to 7am.. I'm really thinking of quitting the gym. I've worked there three years, and I sorta just wanna evolve a little, ya know??
ANyways- for everyone who posted in my journal today- thank you... And I will be posting in yours this weekend

Have a good wekeend everyone!

Hey I wouldnt sweat the drinkng-atleast you know where you went wrong!You have some long hours !I wish my gym was open 11-7am that would be cool!
Try to stay on track this weekend and you wont even notice those drinks!!Hope you have a good weekend!

Alcohol's one of my bad areas .. I was in the habit of sitting there in the evenings and chugging a few beers and snacking on salty crap (there's a nice mental image for you ) at the same time. I realised that i have to cut that out so the last two nights I've been restricting myself to one tall gin and slimline, sipped slowly. I don't think you should feel too bad about just ONE night on the booze though especially if you're not a regular drinker... as long as it's only an occasional thing you shouldn't do too much harm .

Jess,

Glad to have you back. I also fell off the wagon and gained back like all the weight I lost and then some after April or so. I started back on a new diet about a month ago mostly eating lean cuisine type food and have already lost 14 pounds! Alcohol is also one of my weak points. I try not to drink much during the week, but the weekend is hard b/c all my friends go out so I always gain weight on the weekend (oh well, gotta live a little!) - I know you can do it!

I feel like an uber fat liar lol... TRUST me when I say- I wasn't not in here on purpose- someone hasn't been showing up for their shift at the gym, and the supervisor asked me to fill in... I obviously can't fill in the whole night since I work at gnc the next morning, but I did 11pm to 3am for a few days, and then my normal shift on Friday and Saturday which is 11pm to 7am. MANNNN OHHH MAN. I was tired today, still am, really... worked on my kitchen for a bit, then went shopping, yeah- like I REALLY needed to do that.. Um, had probably a few more calories than I shoulda, but I for once, am NOT stressed about that fact, just because it was a busy day
I did tell my supervisor at the gym that I need a large raise(we're talkin $2) or I'm only gonna sub for them.. Lol, mixed motives there, I'm afraid- Yeah, I feel like after 3 verrry long years working on the damn WEEKENDS, I should be making a hell of a lot more than $7.47/hour. So no, I don't wanna keep giving up my weekends for crappy pay. But I also wanna stay on as a sub so I can keep the free membership sad, huh.
Anyways- for a LITTLE TINY BIT of good news- I kept track of my calories every day last week, had a few weak moments, overall was very happy with myself, and LOST 3lbs!! Assuming they don't ask me to cover shifts during the middle of the week next week, I'm gonna restart my workouts, cuz hoolllly hunnies... my bingo wings keep getting bigger and bigger, and they are NOT pretty
Anyways, out for tonight, see ya all later

$7.47 does sound very low .. isn't there a minimum wage in the US? . Anyway I just wanted to check in and say hi .

lol, yeah, moose, the minimum wage in Montana is 6.15... but still. After three years, I dunno, I guess I feel like I've earned alot more.. But anyways- on that topic, the supervisor at the gym called me two days ago and said that corporate would put me at $8.00. Ummmm, no thanks I said I'd stay on as a sub so I could have the free membership, but I'm not interested in wasting my time for $8/hour. So, in a little over a month, I'll be done with it. YAY!!!
So, I'm going to a wedding at the end of October in Missouri- my little sister is coming with me, thank goodness cuz I didn't wanna go alone, but holy hunnies, lol, I've never been on a plane before, and I think thats more exciting than the thought of the wedding in itself Hoping to lose 5-10lbs by then, should be able to do it if I don't have lapses like I did today...
It wasn't even like I ate that much- its WHAT I ate... I had an apple and fiber cereal for breakfast, which fills me up quite a bit, but at about 12:30, I was dying at work since I worked at the gym again till 4am, so I had a Redline energy drink- crap! I was on a caffeine high for about four hours, shaking, no appetite, talking fast, lol. I don't hardly ever drink energy drinks, so yeah, put me a bit over the top. So, then at 7 I went to a friends house and ate dinner with her, I had a TINY bit of pasta(mostly cuz it wasn't that good, lol) and two bean burritos. Good fiber content, but uh, with the cheese and sour cream, PROBABLY not as healthy as it coulda been then I went to my sisters place, had 1 slice of pizza, and a shit-ton of ice cream and THEN, about an hour ago, I ate a giant bowl of cereal. Bleh. I feel so gross right now... its not very fun...
Anyways, *sigh*. I guess I try to keep getting better, no fallbacks...

Jess is the Best! Whoo hoo, my friend, how are you? I'm so happy to see your smiley face here again.

I know what you mean about donating your larger clothes out. I did that once and then got so mad at myself when I needed them back. aarghh!

You have a while till May, you can drop that weight quick! Glad to see you here. Now that I found your new diary, I have it in my subscribed threads, and I will be checking in on you. Have a great day!

Yeah, seven months till, I found out today, I MAY hafta wear a pink dress AAAGGGGHH!!! lol... so, yep. better be skinny by then, lol.

Today was a better day. I ended up at about 1450cals, and I am a little hungry right now(its 12:45 am, I'm NOT eating this late) but I think I may be just thirsty, so I guzzling water like theres no tomorrow.
I work at GNC tomorrow till 4ish, and then at the gym from 11p to 7am- I'm actually a little sad to tell my regulars that I'm leaving I'm the only one that tries to be friendly at that stupid place, and after three years I've really gotten to know everyone.. sad really.
Anyyyyways, the new windows for my house came in... yeah- I think that lowes is gonna hafta hold em for a few days, lol. We've got 25 boxes of hardwood flooring and our kitchen cabinets laying in the living room, so me thinks that the chances of getting the windows into the living room without breaking one are pretty slim what can ya do tho, right?
K, guys, talk to ya later!