I've come to the realization that I am only thin and fit in my own mind. As a child I was a ballet dancer and very muscular and very fit. I stopped in 1985 after 9 years. I think I weighed around 132 pounds. In 1990 I weighed in between 105 to 110 lbs. (and dropping). My skin was turning gray, my eyes were beginning to sink in and I was starting to loose muscle. A bad situation and the advise I was given was to re-introduce food and pick a goal weight and then stay there. I never did deal with the actual cause of the dangerous weight loss.

I chose 150 pounds as my "stable" weight. Just enough extra weight to drive away unwanted advances, but I still liked how I looked. I noticed in 1995, weighing in at 180 lbs. that I was starting to become discouraged by my weight. I tried exercising, as I was afraid to change my diet too much. I had trouble seeing myself as I actually was. I saw my "perceived" image and it was much thinner than actual, real life. So, loosing weight was very scary at the time. Many therapy sessions later, some of the causes were addressed, but not all.


So as noted above, my current weight of 200 lbs wasn't gained in a year or two. I stayed at 180 lbs until 2000 when I got pregnant the first time. I lost 40 pounds during the pregnancy, and after I weighed around 165. Within a few months I was back at 180. In 2002 I got pregnant again. I didn't keep up with my weight at all, just that I was HUGE! I looked like I was going to have twins. In February,2003 I had my daughter and weighed 176. I managed to keep at 176 for about a year and then it went back up. This time it kept going and stopped at 195 to 200.

There were new health problems after giving birth and weight gain. I had developed a murmur, I started smoking again, my depression reigned supreme, 2 diagnosis of Autism (my son and daughter), another failed marriage, atrophied abdominal muscles from 2 c-sections, weak joints and a major move to NC. With all that said, one day I looked in my mirror and some current pictures and I realized that I was in fact over weight and that I am solidly at 200 pounds and terrified to get fit!

What motivates me now?
The specialists said my children would never speak, have friends, show emotion, or move beyond the behaviors commonly found in autistic children. My kids have proven them ALL wrong. My son has learned to talk and has friends and my daughter is learning to talk and shows her emotions. If they can defy the odds, I can loose 72 pounds! I have created a plan with 4 stages to do it!

I am the example, they must see difficult goals can be accomplished. I took my first step and I quit smoking in December, 2006. My son tells everyone I quit! Now I must take the next step and show them how to live a healthy life, something I have not yet done.

What brought me to this forum?
I'm looking for a place to vent, words of encouragement and to encourage others. I may not post regularly, but I will post.

I AM ME. Laura.

Laura- you sound like you've got amazing spirit after dealing with all that. This is seriously the best place I've ever found to vent, be angry, be happy, and just be random- and everyone is amazing. I'm totally looking forward to see how you're doing every week. so defy the odds we're doin it with ya

This is a big week and I refuse to reprimand myself. I worked at a paying job for the first time in years, and I think I reached my walking quota, I hurt. My husband started college today and my daughter is in the midst of a developmental change. Separation anxiety from mommy is not fun. I will continue on my quest for fitness, and on Friday I will be a step closer to finding out why my liver is enlarged and it HURTS! The 2 pounds has remained off which I am very pleased about. I'd rather be slow out of the starting gate and know I'm taking care of myself than rush and make myself feel worse.