Well, well, well, here I am doing this really bizarre thing: writing a personal diary about a terribly sensitive subject - my rolls of fat - on a public forum... Still, if it helps, why not?!

This morning, I took some piccies of me in all my splendour and I guess at some point I'll work out how to include them into this thead. Taking the photos was very therapeutic: I didn't realise in just what an awful state I am, especially from behind!

Here's my story: I'm 42 years old with three kids. I was never a skinny kid, but neither was I fat. From my mid-teens I weighed about 120lbs and got back down to that weight after my pregnancies. There was a period in my early thirties when I was in really good shape - I felt slim, well-toned, sexy... and this was largely due to exercise, seeing my weight was still about the same. However, from about 35 years old I gave up the sport, started eating badly and also drinking (not excessively but, you know how it is, one or two glasses of wine with a meal...). I also changed from being essentially hooked on savouries to eating sweet foods such as desserts and chocolate biscuits. There's all sorts of personal/pyschological reasons why I started bingeing and being inactive, but let's not go into all the details!

So now for the big question: how am I going to get back to my ideal weight and figure? I suppose the only way is by readopting the lifestyle that I had when I was at my physical best. That means regular exercise (walking the dog, going to the gym, playing a bit of tennis, badminton, etc) and watching what I eat. Nothing new there! I'm not going to be doing a specific diet, although I know the Weightwatchers' one quite well. I'll probably base myself on their programme.

The (horrible) details are as follows:
Start weight: 84.2kg / 185.2lbs / 13st 3.2lbs
Goal weight: 54kg / 119lbs / 8st 7lbs
Weight to lose: 30.2kg / 66.2lbs / 4st 8.2lbs

That's all for now, folks. See ya around!

EDIT: Can't seem to get the pictures to upload. Never mind, they were pretty awful!

13 December: today's eating and exercising:
WEIGHT: 82.9 (-0.6)
Breakfast: Slimfast drink
Lunch: rice, Indian-type veggies, tiny spoonful of mango chutney (normally I'd have eaten half the pot)
Dinner: restaurant (parent-teacher meeting at school, so too late to think about cooking): salad (good!) with cheese (not so good) and fried potatoes (really bad), plus chips from the kids' plates (really, really bad), plus fromage blanc
Snacks: small piece of bread and a passing aquantaince with some butter (much savoured - again, normally that'd be half the loaf); protein bar
Drinks: 4 large glasses of water, 1 glass of skimmed milk, several cups of tea, 2 glasses of wine (yeah, I know, I know...)
Exercise: 30 mins walking the dog
CONCLUSION: not enough water, not enough exercise, and the restaurant was never going to be a good idea

for pictures, your best bet is to use a hosting service, like Image hosting, free photo sharing & video sharing at Photobucket or one ofthe other free sites on the web then link them here... or not link them at all - having them is a good motivator for down the road.. so you can see where you came from

welcome to your diary... and much success on your journey

Thanks for your reply, Maleficant. Yeah, the photos aren't really that important. I'll leave it for the time being.

Well, I've had a terrible start to this diary. Because of going out last night and pigging out on chips and fried potatoes, plus drinking two glasses of wine, I've managed to gain 0.4kg (about 1lb)

I guess it's a lesson to be learnt.

Here's the start of today's food journal:
14 December: today's eating and exercising:
WEIGHT: 83.3 (+0.4)
Breakfast: bread, low-fat spread
Lunch: similar to yesterday: rice, veggies...
Dinner: pasta, tomato and mushroom sauce, a bit of grated cheese
Snacks: 2 protein bars
Drinks: 4 glasses of water, a few cups of tea, one (large) glass of red wine (yeah, I know, I'm going to have to stop that)
Exercise: can't do the usual dog-walking as the baby's ill but I am going to try going to the gym later when the older kids are home and can babysit for an hour. EDIT: couldn't go in the end
CONCLUSION: Not tooooooo bad, except for the glass of wine and the lack of exercise. Not going to beat myself up about it, though.

just because the scale changed, doesn't mean you actually gained that weight... it just means the scale changed.

Do not obsess so much over what the number on the scale says -or just pick one day a week at the same time and use that as your recorded weigh in - focus more oo measuremets, how your clothes fit, what you see in the mirror, how you feel after walking u a flight of stairs -tehre are other much more important measurements than the scale.

Hi! with Mal's sage advice! I have been a bit stuck on a plateau, according to the scale, for around one month; however, during that same month, I seem to have lost inches as my clothes are fitting more loosely! So it would appear that the scale is an inaccurate measuring tool, at times.

You'll get lots of advice on this forum. Mine is that you look ahead, rather than backward, whenever possible. We certainly do need to learn from our mistakes, but languishing over poor choices is truly counterproductive.

Welcome and best of success on your journey! You can do it!

Maleficant and ABBAgirl: thank you to both of you for your very constructive advice. You are, of course, right. And seeing as my scales were nice to me this morning (!!!) I'm feeling in a postive mood!

I've edited yesterday's post to add in my food and exercise details: couldn't go to the gym in the end as the youngest really wasn't very well and I didn't want to leave him with the older siblings, even if it was just for an hour or so. However, I should be able to do some exercise today as it's the weekend!

Of course, weekends bring their own problems, and this is what I'm dreading. My husband works a very long week and, although I'm only working parttime at the moment, I'm also trying to look after three kids and study for exams next springtime. So by the time we get to Saturday night, we want to party! We rarely go out, but we ALWAYS have a good meal at home with plenty of wine and yummy stuff for dessert. Soooooo, this evening will be my first real challenge. I reckon I'll do alright on the food front, but I do like a glass or three of Beaujolais!

I'll update my post later with my progress.

15 December: today's eating and exercising:
WEIGHT: 82.8 (-0.5)
Breakfast: Slimfast drink, small piece of bread, low-fat spread
Lunch: leftovers: lots of veggies, some lentils, potatoes and rice... perhaps too many carbs, but otherwise a good meal
Dinner: drinkies with friends (no real meal): three glasses of wine, some snacky bits
Snacks: protein bar
Drinks: 8 glasses of water, a couple of cups of tea, 3 glasses of wine
Exercise: 30 minutes walking the dog
CONCLUSION: A strange evening as we had no meal because of a drinkies-type thing with some friends. There was LOADS of yummy crisps and sandwiches and cheeses, but I had just a few bits and pieces. However, I couldn't say no to a glass or two (well, three to be precise). Overall, I'm pretty pleased as I could have very easily totally pigged out, and instead I was quite reasonable.

Hey! Listen to what Mal and Abbagirl said! When ever you slip up, just let it go and try better at the next meal. It might also help you to get your kids involved with your exercise, like try to get them to play some kind of game with you (like tennis or badminton, or maybe even a light game of soccer) and count your calories.

Hi Auburn

Thanks for visiting my diary.

I hope that your baby is feeling better.

Quite a lot of us take measurements in addition to monitoring the scales. If you dont see a positive change using one thing it can be quite nice to see a change using something else. These things keep you motivated so that you keep on with the project.

One girl listed the places that her dietician measures and I tend to follow those. They were:

These are all the thirteen areas my dietician measures (and the best description of where she does it that I can think of!) in case anyone wants to take measurements. It does help if someone else does it, so you can stand still and upright...but if no one is available, you can do it yourself. Pull the measuring tape snug, but not tight enough to bunch or fold the skin beneath it. Anyway, here are the thirteen areas:

1. Neck (right below chin, where neck starts)

2. Shoulders (at collarbone)

3. Bust (when wearing a bra, to "perk them up" LOL, measure the part sticking out farthest)

4. Bicep (at largest point between shoulder and elbow)

5. Wrist (where it bends when you drop your hand)

6. Ribs (directly under your bust, right where the band of your bra circles your rib cage)

7. Upper Abdomen (largest part between bust and belly button)

8. Waist (measure at your belly button, typically the smallest part of your abdomen)

9. Lower abdomen (largest part between belly button and "girly parts")

10. Hips (largest part of your hips and tush)

11. Thigh (largest part of thigh between foresaid "girly parts" and knee)

12. Calf (largest part between knee and ankle)

13. Ankle (Directly above ankle bone)

Also, when you measure calf, ankle and thigh, you want to have your weight on the leg you are measuring, so do not put your foot up on a chair or something to measure them.


Its really hard to take your own measurements... I've tried and failed LOL!

I actually weigh every day - but a lot of people frown on that idea. It certainly would not suit everyone - but I could not possibly refrain from weighing myself. I have been known to put on a great deal of weight in a week - and the not knowing is more difficult for me than watching the normal day-to-day upward wiggles.

I had great difficulty trying to load photos. In the end I put them up using Ringo and there is a link to them on about page 21 of my diary. You could load your photos there as it is really easy. I will probably be doing another photo soon as I have lost about a stone and a half since my recent photos.

Good luck with coping with your week-end treat.

A fresh fruit salad can make a very yummy and decandent dessert and be really healthy. Feed each other strawberries....

Alcohol was often a bit of a habit for me. I hardly ever touch it and I cannot say that I miss it at all.

You may find it easier to cut down than you imagine.

Good luck with your project
Best wishes
Margaret

Thanks for your support Lindseybot3k. It's true that the kids like it when we play together and it's been a while since we've done any badminton. I think that's something to put on my "to do" list! BTW, I see you're near to your objective - well done!

Thank you also to Omega, especially for all the details about what to measure and the info about the photos. I might get my daughter to help me with the tape measure this weekend (if she doesn't faint from the sight of her mother in her bra and knickers!).

I'm sure you're right about the alcohol business. I never drink an awful lot - three glasses is really my maximum - but it's a habit that I have to break. There are SO many calories in the damn stuff!

I've updated my earlier post to include the food and exercise info. So far, so good, but the evening is not yet upon us...!

Hi Auburn

Are you in the UK? I ask because you have your lunch data but not your dinner. So many people are in USA but I doubt they have that info currently.

I must admit that if I hadnt found that list I would have only measured bust, waist, hips. Due to decades of morbid obesity my belly button has moved (hangs low in a roll of fat that still needs to erode) so I do my waist measurement at my waist - but for the rest I follow the instructions as posted.

I find that many of the things that kept me so big for so long were things that I did out of habit rather than enjoyment. Alcohol and many high calorie desserts were cases in point. OK - I liked them - but it was a very momentary enjoyment. There was no pleasure from them a short while later. I am getting so much more actual pleasure today out of a £6 pair of jogging pants that I can get into.

Take care
Love
Margaret

Hi again
For a tasty treat when I feel rather decadent, I mix fat free French Vanilla yogurt with a bit of peanut butter, 1/2 banana, and some sugar free wafers crumbled in. I put it in a parfait glass and POOF! Feels like I have a royal treat!

Weight Watchers has many portion-controlled treats, and I am sure in the UK you also have other brands putting out yummy things that are low in sugar/calories.

For me, it is very important that I do not feel deprived of treats! If I think I cannot have them, you just know what happens...So I keep low cal ones on hand, or use portion control (I count out exactly how many pretzels I can have, and put them in ZipLoc baggies, etc.).

I am excited for you and the transformation you are undergoing! Best wishes!

ABBA

Margaret: Yes, you're right that these are only temporary pleasures. This evening, I sorted out some of my old size 10s and 12s (British sizes, not American) and I IMAGINED how good it would feel to be able to wear those clothes again. Doing that would be like you with your jogging pants: it would give me far more long-term pleasure than a chocolate eclair!

For info, I'm a Brit living in France, hence the time zone and the measurements in kilos. In fact, when I calculated my weight in stones for my first post I nearly fell down in shock: somehow being over 13 stone seemed so much more excessive and gross than being over 80 kilos!

Abba: Thanks for the recipe idea. It's true that we need to always have something in stock, because otherwise the inevitable will happen!

Thanks to everyone for your support. I've updated my earlier post to include this evening's details. I didn't resist the wine, but I'm really very pleased on the food front. One step at a time...

Hi Auburn

If you are in France - no wonder you are having difficulty with the wine. It is so much more part of the ingrained culture of the country there to have wine with dinner.

Normally it is not a good idea to skip meals as it is important that we get our nutrients that keep us healthy. Fortunately your other meals were really healthy so your day's food looks really good to me.

Well done. You did well in a difficult situation.

I was a size 12 until I was in my mid 20s when my weight dramatically increased. Most of my clothes less than size 20 went to charity shops on our last 2 house moves. I pretty much decided since I had been stable at size 30 to 32 since the early 1990s that I would never see less than size 20 in this lifetime. I now really regret getting rid of some of those clothes. I have promised myself quite a lot of new clothes when I get to my goal weight which should be as near to size 12 as my body will shrink.

You will enjoy getting into those old size 10 and 12 clothes again. It does not matter whether they are in fashion or not - it is what it represents.

When I was young I would have hated the concept of being size 16 - I considered it to be a fat size (how sizeist was I?) but now I am pleased to be here because I see it as a route back towards my old self. It is strange how living at 21 stone can make you view weights in the 12 stone and 13 stone range as being not too big at all.

Just think of those size 10 and size 12 clothes when you are offered something fattening. I am sure that it will help you be aware of what will give you the most pleasure.

Take care
Love
Margaret

Thanks! It's just one out of many to reach, but it's something and I think it's always best to take everything one step at a time. I think if my parents had taken more interest into playing with me as a kid outdoors, I wouldn't be this way now and it would have saved me a lot of trouble.

Lindsey: I've got two older kids hitting their teens and a two-year old. I used to be very active with the older ones, taking them out with the dog, playing badminton, going swimming, and so on. Then, because of a difficult period in my life, I just stopped doing anything. I can really link my weight gain to this passage. So I know that by revitalising all the stuff I used to do before, not only will it be good for the kids, but also for me!

Margaret: I can totally understand your mentality in throwing out your smaller clothes. I've been tempted to do it a thousand times, and have only stopped myself because of the feeling that it would be really like saying: this is it, I'm fat, I'm never going to change.

I can also relate to you feeling that 13 stone isn't so large! I have several girlfriends who want to lose a handful of kilos. They don't stop talking about how uncomfortable they feel, and how they can't quite squeeze into their favourite jeans, and so on. I want to say: you should try living at 3 to 4 sizes too large! So yes, everything is relative. You must have found it very difficult to find stuff to wear at double your present weight (I saw in your diary that you used to more or less keep Evans alive and busy!). You and I are currently at about the same weight, and it's certainly not a huge problem trying to find clothes to fit. I mustn't complain too much.

Now for my day's progress. A small drop of half a kilo made my morning! Also, I'm actually very pleased with myself for another reason. I took my daughter to the cinema (a girls-only treat!!!) and, normally, I would have bought popcorn, chocolates (ummm, M&Ms... my favourite!), a fizzy drink, etc. But this time I resisted. Didn't buy a thing!

As for the rest of the day, couldn't go out for any exercise because there's so much to do in this pre-Christmas period, but food-wise everything went fine, and wine-wise I managed to limit myself to one glass at lunchtime and one glass this evening. Pretty good for a Sunday.

16 December: today's eating and exercising:
WEIGHT: 82.4 (-0.4)
Breakfast: bread, spread
Lunch: mushroom omelette, huge mixed salad, a few potatoes
Dinner: lots of veggies, some lentils, rice
Snacks: protein bar
Drinks: 4 glasses of water, a couple of cups of tea, 1 glass of skimmed milk, 2 glasses of wine
Exercise: none
CONCLUSION: OK, the wine is still a problem, but otherwise I feel I'm doing alright