To all I have met in this forum:

I would like to thank you all for the time and support you all have given me for these last few months I have been here. Due to unforeseen personal reasons I need to leave this forum. I really appreciate the friends I have made and the laughs we have shared.
I am continuing on with what I have learned here and hope to reach my goal size and shape.
Thank you all again.

Dude. That sucks. That really sucks. I hope everything is okay. We're still going to be here absolutely anytime you need us, k?

Ok.

here is the situation. I got in a bit of trouble at work because my productivity is down. Being a part of this community is great but it really started to bite into my work. I am able to separate but sometimes it is real hard to get motivated to do things when there is an interesting conversation going on.
I overreacted yesterday and I apologize for that. All who know me and have messaged me and who were concerned about me, thank you.
I will be limiting myself on some days- that is all I need to do to make myself productive again.

I am working from home today and do not really have much to do so I will be posting today.....
Sorry for the bit of edrama guys.

Damn man, I read that first post and was like "what the?"

Glad to hear you'll be sticking around. Unreal hours of productivity are lost to the net each day in this country... it's crazy. I could have accomplished so much more relative to work... but life is too damn short.

Maybe you can delineate your day on some sort of schedule where you check in here only during certain times, reply where you feel according, and then get back off until the next scheduled time.

thanks man. There is more to the story and I will be psting it heresince it all ties into my little life's journey but suffice to say yesterday was a day from hell and the work thing was the last straw..

You overreacted? I can't believe it!!!

Never happened before....


"Jim never drinks 2 cups of coffee at home...."
..sorry- been waiting for an opportunity to use that classic..

best movie ever...

the fact that you can quote that movie -shows you have a little guy in you and aren't all teenage girl...

So here is the other part of my really bad day that may turn out to be potentially a turing point in my life.

I had a very bad disagrement with a very close friend. She and I have shared many things and I considered her to be close to me. I found out yesterday that she had been holding something back because she did not know how to tell me- nothing bad mind you just information that I would have liked to know- it would not have changed anything but it was important. I found out this information by accident and felt like I was back in High School and was being picked on an excluded again- you do not need to know all the detail of my life but this feeling happened often- and was mega hurt and pissed.
This made me question why was I doing anything? Why was I trying to better myself when I am just goingto feel the same way forever? I dicided then I would drop off the forum because nothing I was doing mattered. I wanted to give up weight loss completely because if i was always going to get like this sometimes why lose the weight and l;ook/feel better.. Right around the same time I was called into my bosses office to get the lovely productivity news- which is ingerantly bullshit but I was thinking I needed to scale back posting here anyway so that just solidified my decision.

Where the good comes in is the friend and I talked last night for well over an hour. Some real good things came out of it and I think we are closer than ever. She is more than a good friend- she is tha someone that I can say antything to and she understands- we are actually very similar in a lot of ways. I feel rejuvinated and really good.
Yesterday had to happen. It was one of those inevitable life occurrances that suck when they happen but so much good comes out of them.

I realized I was lucky to have such a good friend and that I really need to work more diligently so i can get my work done and post more.

Thanks to any and all who got this far.

Tomorrow hasn't happened yet.. you don't know how you're going to feel...

How you feel on the inside and about yourself isn't dependent on what you look like or that you can run up a flight of stairs wihtout sucking wind...

Do spend sometime working on the inside and believing what others know about you...

Bad days come and go, dude. It's inevitable. Just never forget the sun is always shining behind the clouds. Do that and things look grossly dark.

I know Mal, I know. But it is just one of those things sometimes. I assume too much sometime.

You are 100% correct.
I have been carrying around some pretty serious baggage for the last 20 years or so and need to try to get rid of it.
I just do not know how to start believing that people mean what they say and are not saying mean, hurtful things behind my back like they always did..

Speaking from personal experience...

Walking around with baggage just makes you walk slower... and gets in the way.. Sherpas may make their way up Mount Everest but you don't see too many of them in Plano, Ill...

Channelling Dr Phil here (god does he have an irritating voice)

Does carrying around the baggage give you anything? Does it help you in any way -except perhaps give you a reason (in your head) to not do something... then get rid of it... Just don't leave it in the airport - that really pisses off airport security

Are there people in your life that you trust? Like your wife perhaps? Does she say hurtful things about you? Does she see the good in you? Listen to her then?

I'm the worst when it comes to self esteem - however... one of my tests that I've used for myself -is that for every pound lost (OK I got bored after about 50lbs) I had to come up with somehting good about myself... and write it down...

The baggage used to give me motivation. I wanted to prove to people that i was not what they said about me.
I gave up on that years ago because i realized people were going to say it regardless.

I have a few poelpe in my life whom i trust- I just never like to really open up to people. And no, those people have never been anything but wonderful to me. My wife is the best thing to ever happen to me and has never been anything but loving and supportive.
I know- listen to her and appreciate her.

There is absolutely no way I could find 35 things I like about myself- seriously- I will try but the list ends after 5 or 6.

I really have never liked myself- I am trying though.

You can reinstitute the little girl comment now Mal.....
Guys have feelings to though...

Oh very wise one.....

Very good words.