Good morning

It's a beautiful day and you are on vacation. what are you doing here?

Saying my hellos...I was getting ready to go jogging so I thoughjt I'd say hi!

Good morning all. Brian, wow. I am SO happy for you. Things are really coming around for you. All because of your own hard work and dedication. Thanks for the inspiration. I've been struggling along and wanting to give up. Seeing your relentless workout progress and success proves if I don't give up, I can get there too. It's all downhill from here! Way to go.

Thank you Michelle.
I dont think I am out of the woods yet but I did have my moment of clarity. Keep working and good things will happen. I will never give up but sometimes it is easier to not care as much.
I started to care again. That is when all this started.

Thanks again Michelle- you will get there, I know you will.

So besides for my moment of clarity and a new number on the scale, this weekend sucked for me. I went into Chicago yesterday for the Christening of my good friends child and ate like crap at the reception afterwords. I then proceeded to come home and eat like crap in the evening. I got an hour and change bike ride in but that could not have staved off the damage.
I know I need to heed my advise and realize that one day does not undo all the good. I have not gained yet because my body reacts a day or so behind binges.
I just need to watch it this week and I should be fine, really I should.

That being said I have new motivation for the month of June. I used to have a very close circle of friends in my former life. Over the years we have grown apart and lost touch. We all try to get together every now and then but quite honestly I do not care for all of these people anymore and did not go to the last get together. I also did not go because all of them have at least 2 children and my wife and I knew that was all that they were going to talk about. At the time of last years gathering Erin and I were very close to giving up and did not want to be surrounded by it. Anywho- We are going this year and it is on 6/28. I was alway the fat one in the group and was teased. I do not want to be the fat one anymore. I am going to work my ass off the rest of this month so I can show up there and look phenomenal.

I am a petty son of a bitch and I know it, but oh well.

That's perfect motivation. What fun to see their faces. I actually don't think a binge now and then is really that bad. When it happens to me, I usually find the bad food doesn't taste as good as it used to. Or it's way too sugary or something. It actually keeps me on track and pushes me harder to work out and get back on the healthy track again. I don't know. You're okay, Brian. One slip up in all the days of hard work and success can't measure up to much...

Thanks again Michelle.
The good thing is that I do not have bad food to binge on. Everything I ate at home was pretty good- the reception wasn't too bad. had some pasta, beef and cookies. not horrible and if i had not eaten at home in the evening all would have been ok.

Ill push through it, just work very hard this week and watch what i eat and I should be fine.

I actually feel good today.
I do not know why but this feeling from this weekend does not seem to be going away like I expected it to.


That being said, why do people think that just because I am quiet that I need to talk? Why can I not just be left alone??
If one more person comes up to my desk and tells me I need to lighten up I am going to jab them with something.

I am lightened up- I just have no interest in talking to you...

enjoy it for as long as it lasts


Lighten up francis

Ohhh Mal- if you were closer you would be the first one to receive a jabbing.

Dont think I could find a stick to reach from Downers Grove to Downtown- if I could though....

excuses excuses...

half expected a link to someone who made a 20mile stick.....
or something like a 'virtual pokes' website. Although i cannot imagine the type of hits you would get typing that into a search engine...

I'm just impressed with myself that I could pull a Stripes reference out when I needed it..
that's my moment for the day

Ever hear the song 'It been awhile' by Staind?
there are so many parallels between that song and how I feel now.

"Its been a while since I can say that I wasn't addicted and its a been a while since I can say I love myself as well as you.
its been a while since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do...."

Great song.

So anyway, I am still feeling well this morning. Some things that have happened or will happen are making me think. Some goals/milestones are making me think.
I am turning 34 tomorrow. I do not care about age, age is a number, but I do care about my life. I wonder if I waited too long to make this lifestyle change and how things would have been if I had done it 10 years earlier.

I tend to reflect around my birthday. I am reflecting the hell out of this year since a lot of things are happening or have happened in my life the last 12 months. A lot of good has happened, but there has been so much wasted time in my life that it is pitiful.

Bah- I still feel good. I reached out to a friend I have not seen in forever yesterday and made tentative plans to see her in July. Really looking forward to that. Just really having a good run of it lately. if i can ever turn my brain off and not think so much about things I would be better.