Nice improvement. You could just have your personal best time on your signature and update that as it improves.

Awesome job on improving your time!!! I ran my first 5K on May 3, but I haven't done one since. :hangs head in shame:

My goal was also to run a 10K, and you are inspiring me to work towards that again!

7.21.08: (188.3) 191.1

Exercise and Calorie Consumption:

5k Time:|----36:03-----|

------|---7.14-7.20--|

Mon:--|--2496--1480--|
Tues:-|--2442--1741--|
Wed:--|--2936--1534--|
Thurs:|--2909--1485--|
Fri:--|--3062--1776--|
Sat:--|--2803--1701--|
Sun:--|--2672--2161--|

Avg:--|--2760--1697--|
Diff:-|-----1063-----|
Exp loss:|---2.1-----|
Act loss:|--+0.2-----|


Expected total loss: (10.0) 6.3
Actual total loss: 4.7

Goal (set June 20): 180 lbs by Aug 2nd. Er...definitely not making this now!

Diet:

• 1600 calories a day 1697 - pretty close!
• 20% protein, 15% fat, 65% carbohydrates 15% protein, 38% fat
• Only drink alcohol one night a week two nights

Ok, I'm doing pretty crappy with the macronutrients. I think after this month, I'm going to increase my allowed fat to 20%. I just don't think 15% is very reasonable. But I'll try for the last week to hit it. And the drinking continues...

Exercise:

• 2850 calories a day 2760 - not quite. I had a slow week!
• exercise class once a week STILL NO!!!
• walk 4 miles 5 days a week - this is 20 miles - I walked/ran about 25 this week

So weight loss isn't going so bad at all for the month, but it could be better. Last week was a bit off on my schedule and I think that hurt things. I had to eat out a lot, I was out of town and I had guests. I'm surprised I did that well! I'm guessing that I underestimated restaurant food and had a lot of sodium and that's the reason for the weight discrepancy. As long as I can muster a loss this week, I'll be fine though.

And I WILL go to a cardio class! ARG!

I did it again. It's been a while since I last ate because of stress. May 14th to be exact (aren't diaries wonderful? ). My fiance has been out of town for a week and that's been hard. I went on a road trip on Saturday and that was tiring. Then I had crazy nightmares Saturday night. My weight has been going up all week and for no obvious reason. So by the time Sunday rolled around, I just wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing. So that's what I did. I adjusted my eating plan for the day to accommodate my complete lack of desire for movement.

And them my mother called. I love my mom. I really do. Our relationship has improved 10 fold since I was a teenager. But she still has the ability to say things that completely crush my spirit. Normally, I can just brush off her comments, but I was vulnerable yesterday.

She is also overweight - actually she is in the obese category. We weigh about the same but I'm 5'10" and she's just shy of 5'5". When I was thinner, I tried to help her lose weight but she refuses to write down what she eats, hates to exercise and complains every last step of the way. Not fun to deal with. As I've gained weight over the past few years, she has made some really nasty comments. I know that most likely she just doesn't want me to fall into a lifetime of being overweight like she has, but she is not doing it in a way that I appreciate.

Last year she told me that I looked like my cousin. Now this might not sound that bad, but my cousin is morbidly obese. Several times, my mom told me that I was sitting or walking or slouching like her. It hurt me and I think she was trying to hurt me or scare me into losing weight. I think it was actually part of my motivation to start to lose.

Anyway, last night she called me and said she was going through the old albums on her computer to throw out old pictures that were no good. I don't even remember exactly what she said anymore, but it was something along the lines of "just a few years ago, you looked so much better than you do now. I can't believe how fat you've gotten." It's a true statement. I should have had no problem with it. But I was on the edge.

I had already had my calories for the day. But when I got off the phone with her, I started snacking. I knew I was doing it. I couldn't stop. I even got a little sick at my stomach since I had just finished dinner. But as soon as that passed, I ate more!

I thought about it a lot today and I do realize that this is something I need to work on. It's good that it's very occasional right now, but depending on what is going on in my life, I don't want to have this become an issue again. If I am to maintain weight loss, I need to control this.

Dealing with Mom can be tough. You are an adult, but for some reason you still have that mentality of Momma's little girl. I can say don't let it get to you, but I know that's useless advice. You'll do fine, and when you do, it won't bother you so much.

Ain't that the truth!?!?

95% of the time my mom is the most supportive person in the world and has helped me reach all sorts of goals in my life. However, she has some odd behavioral things. Her mother has Borderline Personality Disorder (can make a person very controlling, manipulative, demeaning to others, etc) and my mom had a real rough time growing up because of it. Every once in a while, my mom will fall into a pattern that she learned from her mother. I used to think that she was actually developing the disorder, but I've realized that it's just a taught pattern. My mom has worked HARD to not be like her mother and that's why she is wonderful 95% of the time. Unfortunately, the other 5% is straight from her mother and it's NASTY. So now when she makes a comment that is only sorta bad, I react like she is acting like the 5% because I know that it could go there. So it's my fault for overreacting too. That's a learned response that I need to UNLEARN!

I honestly think the reason why she made the comment was because we saw each other at brunch yesterday and I suspect that she noticed the 16 pounds I've lost. Subconsciously, I bet she's jealous. She would never purposely sabotage my weight loss, but she did several times last year when I started to lose. She thought I was too extreme in my diet any time I passed up french fries or beer. She told me not to run so much that I was going to hurt myself. She complained that I wasn't helping her lose weight and that it wasn't fair. I wish I could help her. But first she has to help herself. I can't force her to lose weight. Just encourage her and be supportive. But if she isn't willing to change her lifestyle, nothing is going to happen.

Hmmm...I'm thinking that once my mom comes right out and says that she can tell I'm losing weight (I have not so far told her that I'm trying because of fear of unintentional sabotage), I will see if she is ready to try herself. Maybe this time it will work.

I've been thinking about what kind of goals to set for myself. I have the usual weight by a certain date goal as well as how much food and exercise. But I feel like I would be working harder if I had some other goals to reach. I'm just not sure what to do.

I think I'll try the 100 push-up challenge. Right now I can do exactly zero "regular" push ups and about 5 knee push ups. Supposedly in 6 weeks, you can do 100 following the program (either knee or regular). I think I'd like to try, but make it 12 weeks to do 100 regular push ups since I'm starting so far behind.

I've also thought about setting a speed goal for running a mile or 5k. But I don't know how to put a date on that. I don't think I can. Maybe just "run a mile in less than 10 minutes" and see how long it takes me to reach it.

I'm also going to set a distance (like the 20 miles a week I already have) for running and walking as well as how many steps in a day (the body bugg keeps track of that).

I'm going to be throwing out baggy clothes each time I reach 10 pounds lost starting from 190 (then 180, 170, etc). So by next week, I should be throwing out a bunch of t-shirts. This is my fiance's idea. He hates my baggy clothes now! It'll be nice to get rid of some of this old crap.

Other than that, I'm having a hard time coming up with things. I guess I could try the "small pants" goal - buy a pair of pants one size too small and celebrate when you fit into them. I guess I'm just looking for little games to play with myself to keep me on track. I'll keep thinking...gotta have some new ones when I set my goals next month.

I've never heard of that challenge! I can only do knee push ups, so I'd be interested in learning more about it!

That's a good one! I can only run a >10 minute mile if I really, really try! It took a while to get there, and i still takes a lot of effort!

Those are pretty pricey, huh? I had never heard of them, so I googled it.

Hello Madness!

I've enjoyed your diary. I'm sorry about what your Mom said. Maybe it's a generational thing. I can remember when I first gained some weight my mother kept badgering me, telling me I had a double chin, when my gosh, I know I didn't weigh over 130-something! Now when I look in the mirror, at 177, my eye fixates on my chin. I get depressed all over again. Parents don't realize the negative internal monologues they can instill in their kids. It's tough love to them, I guess. But I can do without that kinda love!

I don't know you but I'm proud of how hard you have tried! I'm gonna keep trying too!

Some one else posted a link somewhere around here and that's how I heard of it - one hundred push ups

I'm going to start today!!!



I got mine as part of a package deal with the gym. So I didn't have to pay the full $300 or whatever they are up to know. I think with the new version, the price went up. I got mine at a discount with my gym membership. But it's been worth the price 100% for me. I would shell out $300 for another one if this one were to break. I know it's not for everyone and it's certainly not necessary for weight loss, but when I put it on in the morning, I am immediately accountable for my actions. If I goof off that day and don't exercise, there it is in black and white and stored on the computer. It makes it harder to backslide while using it. When I started to lose weight again a few months ago, I thought I would try to not use it. That's when I gained 10 pounds. So, I'm pretty hooked on it!

Thanks for the link!

That's how I am about my Polar HR monitor. I don't wear it all day, but I always wear it when I exercise. If I don't push myself, it tells me so! In black and white, like you said!

I'm reassessing my diet and exercise plan a week early. I just think they need tweaking and it's silly to wait a week to do that. This will be my plan until I see fit to change it. If I haven't changed it by the end of August, I will reassess to make sure that I'm still on track.

Diet:

• 1600 calories a day
• 20% protein, 20% fat, 60% carbohydrates
• Only drink alcohol one night a week

Exercise:

• 2850 calories a day
• exercise class once a week
• walk 20 miles a week
• run 6 miles a week
• take 15000 steps a day
• strength training once a week

And I would like to add fitness goals. These don't have a specific date to be reached, but they will be much appreciated milestones when they happen!

Fitness Goals:

• run a mile in less than 10 minutes
• run a 5K in 35 minutes
• 100 push up challenge

That's all I can think of now but I'll be adding to them as time goes on - and of course updating them as I improve my fitness!

Ok, getting my butt back in gear. For some reason I am coming no where near my exercise and diet goals for this week. Monday I woke up late, Tuesday and I don't know what happened and Wednesday I wasn't feeling well. No real good excuses, just a build up of crappy ones.

I'll have to average 3213 calories burned and 1450 calories consumed to reach my goal for the week. I'm trying to decide if that's too lofty. I'm not sure, but I think I can do it. I at least have to try. I want to end the month with a bang!

Let's see what I can do today!

Oh, and I didn't start the 100 push up challenge until today - 3 days late. Better late than never I guess.

Longterm goal: 150 lbs by the end of 2008

First short term goal (set May 26): 195 lbs by summer solstice (June 20)
(this is a big goal and I might not make it, but I need to push myself in the beginning to get this going!)

Result (June 20): 196.2 lbs! I got darn close and I'm proud!

Second short term goal (set June 20): 180 lbs by the Summer CrossQuarter - Aug 2nd. We are having a big party then...it would be so nice to be 180!

Update (July 24): The goal date is a week and a half away. I know I won't make it or get even close (I'm 191.6 lbs today), so I wanted to update with another goal that I do feel is reachable (well, barely!). New goal for Aug 2nd: 187 pounds. That will make me 20 pounds lighter than my high weight.

How'd you do on the push ups?