So yesterday I started to try and write this very lengthy introduction entry to my journal, but somehow my finger hit the touchpad on my laptop, annnnnd I lost the whole bloody thing. In frustration, I scrapped the whole idea, and decided to write it another day.

Well, today isn't the day either.

But I want to start this thing, because many times throughout the day, I feel emotions that I want to record, or I have an accomplishment that I think about writing down. I think that instead of being so focused on my opening entry, I'm just going to grit my teeth and dive into the thing.

Plus it keeps me on track when I have to account for some sort of behavior.

So the point of this particular entry. . . .

This morning I am currently celebrating nearly 24 hours of being awake. I worked all night in the ICU (12 hour shift) and woke up at 9:30 AM yesterday. I did nothing yesterday but prepare for Christmas, go to the gym, get ready for work, and spend a very very very short 15 minutes of cuddle time with my boy. I'm tired, I'm sore, I want to give up and lie down, and I was feeling a very very strong urge to say 'the hell with it' and go down the street for a breakfast sandwich. (Sausage egg and cheese, to be exact) VERY strong. It was going to be my reward for working so hard this AM.

I waited, instead. I waited out the food craving. (Learned this trick while I was quitting smoking - wait out the craving, and you can either think through it, or it goes away) And while I was waiting it out (realizing I was still starving), I decided to make myself a compromise. I had just about half a serving left of my egg beater carton, and one egg left over from Christmas baking. I took what was left over, combined it and ate it. Delish! I'm no longer starving, I got my egg fix, and I don't feel guilty about overindulging!!!

*pats self on back*
I feel pretty darn fantastic about that little accomplishment.

And now my break is over, and it's back to packing for home, then last minute gift wrapping. . . . .uggggh. I need sleep!!!!

Poor thing, sorry your so tired, I remember those days!

I'm really very proud of you!! Keep it up hun, show the world what your made of!

hey finally another philly girl around here! well i live kind of near philly in the burbs. you should get some fruit like melon and cut it all up (or buy it precut) and fill yourself up with that first before you give in to those other horrible cravings! waterlogged fruit really fills me up and does the trick. sounds like you really need a rest, are they making you work xmas weekend? i remember those days as i used to work in healthcare and we were required to work 2 out of the 3 holidays, xmas, new yrs, thksgiving. it really stinks!

Hello to everyone again. . . .

Today was such a diet disappointment that I don't know if i even want to get into it. But I'm going to, because that's what I told myself I would do with this journal.

(forgive me, but from now on i'm foregoing the capital letters. . . . i'm just lazy.)

so when i woke up from my 'nap' today - which was basically the three hours of sleep i've had in the past 38 hours - i ate one of my usual breakfasts - kashi go lean crunch cereal with a banana. (this cereal is so good, by the way! anyone looking for something whole grain and good for you should check it out) so it was a great start to the day. . . . . .which ended horribly.

i slept from 10am till 1pm, and was picked up by my dad and brother to go home for christmas. i KNEW that we were going to pizza hut for dinner, and i KNEW that i was going to be tempted with pizza. i KNEW that i should opt for the salad bar, and yet instead.. . . .i had two breadsticks and two slices of pizza. *hangs head* then we went to the movie theater, and i figured what the hell. . . . .i cheated once, the day was basically a wash in, so i got pretzel bites and cheese sauce.

UGH.

not to mention i did no exercise today whatsoever.

then again i'm excessively tired. . . . . .but i don't want to make excuses anymore!!! i want to BEAT THIS THING! and i'm sick and tired of making it such a long drawn out process because i keep having 'relapses'. this time is different.

help???

and now i'm going to bed. . . . .for at least 8 hours this time. night shift really messes with you. . . . .but good thing!!! tomorrow there's going to be a family outing to the gym - my brother, my mom and i all together!!! plus mom is trying to lose weight (because she wants to start dating again! . . . . long story with that one but for another time) so we're all going to go. i'm excited!

tomorrow's goal. . . . . . NO SLIPS. be MINDFUL of what i'm putting in my mouth. as i saw in someone's signature. . . .

5 minutes of pleasure isn't worth 3 hours of guilt.

love that quote.

g'night everyone.

woohoo! philly is the best place to be i love this city! i actually live in the heart of center city, right behind the kimmel center! loving everything about it.

thanks for the fruit advice. i really should do that. . . . .i've been trying to incorporate more veggies into my diet. i think i need to just put my nose to the grind again and make out a meal plan and stick to it. i need to work. this isn't going to get easier as it goes. . . . .it's going to get harder. i'm going to be faced with the challenge of keeping with healthy eating or going back to my old ways. and i REFUSE to see the scale over 200 lbs ever again. never.

thanks for the support!

a new day. . . .thank god!

slept for an absolutely glorious 8 hours. . . .even let myself sleep in from what i was going to do, which was wake up at 8:30. . . . .let myself sleep till 10. it's now later than i would like it to be, but i feel sooooo much better. today's goal is: do better than yesterday!! so far so good, with a small bowl of life cereal with skim milk, and am right now sipping on a cup of coffee with skim milk and splenda. there are tons of veggies and fruits in mom's fridge!!! yay! so i think for lunch i'll make myself a salad. then the whole family is going to the gym together.

found out today that my dad is going to bring over ingredients to make oyster stew to my mom's house. this is a big deal to me, and so exciting that i almost want to cry. my parents have been divorced or in the process of being divorced for. . . .9 years now. i'm over the whole shock of it and the oh god my family is breaking apart thing. it sucks, but my relationship with both of them never changed, for which i feel very lucky. i'm also very lucky so far in that they still come together for holidays. but usually christmas eve was something that we did seperately because mom had been dating a man for three years or so, and she went with him for christmas eve, and we went with dad. it worked out well. well the man she was dating (ted) passed away last labor day. so now she has no one to spend christmas eve with. last year she spent it with my grandmother. wasn't that a treat. ugh. grandma gave me about 2938739238 guilt trips as to why i wasn't spending christmas eve with my mom, she was alone, etc etc etc. well what was i supposed to do!?!? leave my dad alone!?!?! SO UNFAIR.

so this year. . . . .we're all going to be together again!!!! we're all eating oyster stew at mom's house, then going to church together on saturday. (yes the oyster stew is going to be murder. . . . . .but it's tradition and i can't request a change just for me) then christmas day, dad will come over and we'll all be together AGAIN!!!

it makes me so happy that i literally have tears in my eyes.

ok. . . . .this is becoming a life story.

i'm thinking about setting myself a goal for this coming week. a new year's eve goal. . . . . .to lose 3 lbs. that would have me down to 185, which i think isn't too shabby.

we'll see. i'll have to work super extra hard over this weekend because i'm sure it's going to be fat-filled. but i think that's what i'm going to try for. then the next goal will be for the boyfriend's bday. just so i have dates that i can challenge myself with.

have a great day, everyone!

Im sorry mate bit this is the first time I have visited your diary,
Can I just say first of all its Christmas and most of us are going to eat things that we normally wouldn’t through the year but that’s ok hun because its Christmas lol.
Pizza… nothing wrong with pizza but just go for the thin crust and try to eat the least fatty meats or go vegetarian. 2 slices are usually enough if you have a nice big garden salad with it. Please hun don’t set yourself up for disappointment, plan on staying the same weight over Christmas (believe me this can be hard to do) and make that your mini goal till New Year. How wonderful that you will be able to spend the holidays with your family, have a wonderful time and enjoy it.

yeeeah you're probably right about my goal. the way i thought about it though was that it would help me keep myself in line during this christmas weekend. or at least it would keep something in my mind as i'm tempted to go for seconds of the egg nog

thanks for the encouraging words. i was really ticked yesterday, and today i'm feeling oh so much better. went to the gym with my family and burned 600 calories!!! mom got there late, so i got on the treadmill next to her after i had already finished my workout, so i burned tons extra. felt really good. plus have been really good with eating today. last night was just one of those moments.

You go girl that’s the spirit, when you do what you think you have to do but then go and do extra because you want to is a wonderful achievement, im very proud of you. It’s all the little things that add up to a new life hun and you have a wonderful start.

hello everyone!!

just a quick update before i hop in the shower. . . . my weigh day is usually mondays, but yesterday was pretty crazy and i forgot to do it. . . .but i wanted to share with everyone that i LOST A POUND!!!!!!!

that's right, i MADE IT THROUGH CHRISTMAS and i even LOST WEIGHT!!!!

and i definitely thought i had reached a platau. . . . .i guess i didn't!

going to try and try for my new year's goal and see if i can lose another 2 lbs before next mon. . . . .i have to go grocery shopping though - i have no food!! :-P

just wanted to thank everyone for their support. . . . . .it's because of the people on here and the positive energy everyone has that i was able to make it through the holidays without gaining weight. thanks!!!

wow. congratulations on another lb lost. very impressive!

Congrats that’s wonderful

thanks so much skyler and rosered.

1 lb seems so lame to get so excited about, but i was seriously convinced that i had gained over the holiday because of all the food that surrounded me. great thing is though - mom and brother are absolutely obsessed with going to the gym now, so it's GREAT when i go home, i just tag right along with them!!

am gearing up for the new year's challenge! this weekend is bringing a 5 hour open bar/buffet type of thing for NYE. . . . .should be interesting, but i'm going to be keeping the challenge in my head the whoooole time (unless i have one too many drinks, then i probably will forget. . . . .i mean let's be honest. )

just thinking about the challenge, and how i have set short-term goals for myself is helping me a lot in keeping mindful of what i eat. i'm SO glad i joined the forum!!

One pound is not lame I bet you would have a hissy fit if you had of put that one pound on, pat yourself on the back mate your doing excellent. That’s wonderful you’re able to go to the gym with family. Lol enjoy your new years eve after that you’re ours

well done on the loss!