WAy to go CHicky!!!

Moonwalker? Are you one of the Zappa kids? lol

I know what ya mean about this place keeping ya in line...it's why I read here every single day, even if I don't post.

Don't feel bad about H being gone--I'm glad he's gone, too. And I think when he comes back, a divorce is in order if he hasn't shaped up by then. He is NO good for you as he was last I heard about him. You do not need that in your life, and it's not good for your kids to be in that kind of environment either. I'm sure Cerella can help you out, as she has experience in getting rid of an asshole husband.

Definitely glad you're getting some professional help for dd. I'm sure she is worried about her dad.

Congrats on the good day! one day atta time.

Thank you ladies for the encouragement. I'm surprised you still remember so much about the probs I had with the H. I don't know what the war is going to do to him this time, but I won't be spineless and hopeless when he gets back. I have a plan, I have money, and I'm damn sure getting restless. I'm living "the life." However, I'm not all that happy with the way things are. Why not ditch and start over? I've always been scared of change, but our cute little suburban home is so full of bad memories, I spend more time in the yard than in the house.

This is me on a typical night. I have a cigarette in one hand, a beer by the chair, a copy of some classic novel [i.e. Jayne Eyre, Les Miserables, Great Expectations] in the other hand. Everyone once in a while, I set it all aside, look into the night, and say "Is this as good as it gets?" I have a 3 bedroom house, an 03 Honda Civic, 2 kids, a dog, 2 cats, some fish, a trainer and a gym membership, and blah. All that stuff you THOUGHT mattered at 16 or 17. Now I'm 25 and I hate most of it.

I'm grumpy and unpredictable. I don't like to tell lies and mostly manage not to. I have a bit of a secret life. I go to church every Sunday and TRY to follow God's plan. I am responsible for so much that sometimes I even amaze myself. [[All single moms should have this burst of insight now and again to keep them going.]] Last semester, I took 13 credit hours, worked 16-18 hours a week as an English tutor, and did all the mom/housewife stuff while studying and nursing the fears we get when we are suddenly left behind, so to speak.

So, yeah, this is unrelated to weight loss. I went way off topic and basically posted a blog. Of course, my emotional well being may play a part in weight loss. Hmmm...

As always, I love you, my dears. Thanks for listening.

Girl--it does get better than that!! Much better--although sitting out reading a classic novel isn't so bad, just lose the nasty cig..lol.

As I've told you many times before, you DO deserve the best in life. It sounds as though you are working hard to get it. It's great that you're going to school and improving yourself, and becoming independent from H. I see no reason why you should stay with him as he is. It certainly is not healthy for you or your children. While he's gone it's a bit different, but when he comes back, if he is the same, or only slightly better, it's time to cut the cord and get on with your life. If not, you'll look back in 10 or 20yrs with a lot of regret. 25 is still young, and there are plenty of good men out there who will love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

DO NOT SETTLE!

With most of this - lol...it is hard to feel and know your self worth and to refind your self - confidence when it has been *beatin* outta ya for sooo looong...Boy did I struggle with that it took me years after my relationship ended to refind my self worth, self confidence and self esteem, he made me feel liek I was nothing and worth nothing, when you here it enough you beleive it.

Althought I hear alot that there is that one person that will treat you well adn so on and lobve you for you, i never eally beleive it...I have never found that yet, even before when I was dating before settlign with my ex...right now Im just happy beign single raising my girls...im not sire if Im ever gonna relaly want another relationship.

You just need to know what you need and get it or get rid of it to create it ya know...

Oh and life is meant to be good and happiness is for real , lol...I was miserable my last year with my ex and I was more miserable for years after it ended but boy am I happy now and much better off.

I exist!

Oh, have I been busy [finally!]. I drank too much, smoked too many cigarettes, and had all kinds of fun. Mostly the good kind, so don't worry. At some point, Sunday night, I learned that light beer has 95 cals a pop and it's hard to hang curtains holding a beer. I'm no Martha Stewart. When I woke up Monday morning trying to figure out where I was [in my own room], I decided to lay off.

Anyway, now that all the crud is out of the way, I am determined to meet a goal. My weight is just one of those things that drives me nuts. I fluctuate between 194 and 201 all the time! I remember crying my heart out the first time I hit under 200, and the old guilt stabs me each time that I creep up again. I would like to see myself get under 190 [for the second time]. I was there January '07. It's time to clean out the system with good food, priorities, and hard work. I'm think that I should give myself a few months. Any ideas? It's just in the area of 10 lbs. If 2-3 lbs a month is ideal, I'm looking at 3-4 months. Hmm... My hubby comes home for 2 weeks in October. I should try to be well under 190 by then. I will do this!

I also have a mini-goal. I bought 7 pairs of shorts from Old Navy, size 16, that I would love to fit into nicely. Ya know, without looking squished in. I need to work on that. I want to look good in what I own by August, when I start work and school again. I'm pretty sure that I have 11 weeks. Time to get to work!

Also, I have a countdown. The hubby will be back state-side in 1 yr, 7 mo, and 13 days. When he comes home, we're going on our real vacation. Like, some destination in the world and not just out of state. So... I'd like to be at peak by then. I don't know if I can really lose a good 50 lbs by then, because I suck at commitment, but I should try. If anything, I should want to look damn good in vacation pictures from Australia or Berlin or Prague!

*daydreams*

I spent over an hour this morning raking my back yard. I cleaned up leaves, twigs, branches, kid toys and dog poop. That will be my exercise for the day. I know I'm going to be hurting like Hades tonight or tomorrow.

Now it's back to housework!

Good for you for moving!!!

So, these past few days have been really wild and crazy, in a good way. I found out yesterday that I could run. I found out today that I'm not as uptight as I used to be. I also managed to look decent in my favorite jeans tonight. I got my eating back to a manageable norm. I have been cleaning like crazy and more on the move than usual. I worked on my tan, my mental state, and my morals. I drank tons of water. I am honestly fairly happy. Not at all how I expected things to turn out.

Goal one: 10 lbs. No luck on that yet, but it's way too early to worry. I just need to keep on going. I weighed 201 this morning for a reason... :0

That is an awesome attitude you have there

Focus on the positives and work on the things that you can change over time. Celebrate the successes you have and the accomplishments you've already made. Good luck on your 1st goal of 10lbs. I have a goal of 10lbs right now too. I can't wait to see ya reach it I just bought a pair of William Rast jeans that are a 32 that I don't quite fit into yet, so that is my future goal, to get into those so that they fit me comfortably and I can rock them

You have an excellent rest of the weekend,
Sam

Hey Cutie - my goal is to fit back into my jeans!!! LOL...Im glad you are posting and happier htese days...Ive been happy and content and it is a weird feeling...LOL

Glad you're having good, productive days!

Fitting into clothes again is a great feeling, and should be a good motivator to keep on trucking.

And the good mood continues with the scale hitting 198 this morning!!! Could this really mean 8 more lbs to goal one?!?! Woo hoo!

I really am looking better. I'm meeting a new trainer tomorrow and I'm going to see about working on inner thighs and upper arms. 2 major problem areas. I'm going to the beach for a week in July and I have roughly 4 weeks to do a little something for confidence. Of course, I really just want to float on lazy river all week with a beer in hand. Ah, luxury.

I ate really bad today and I will be paying for it tomorrow. I was on the road most of the day running errands, but it's no excuse. I just couldn't guilt myself into feeling bad today. That's not like me! On the upside, I'm not over-eating.

I've gotta get to bed and be ready to face "John" tomorrow. Wish me luck!

You've got all my luck Babe!!! Go to the gym and kick some ass!!!