Oh, I thought I told you guys here, was in another thread.

Tuesday the 12th is me and my boyfrined's 2 year anniversary. We've both taken this long weekend off... gonna go to the movies, go shopping for a bracelet (his gift) , get a haircut and colour (my gift!!). Wanna go ice skating too. He's taking us on a picnic, yay!

I wouldn't mind fitting in some long walks or SOME sort of exercise.

We just found out yesterday we may be moving in together by next week already! We were planning on September or October, bu the place we want needs to be taken now... yeah!!! All we still need for there is a fridge

We MIGHT even be able to move in on Mon and Tues.... as we're not at work then, but it depends how fast this process goes now! That would be the best!

Okay all, have a lovely weekend! See ya next week! (maybe I'll sneal on here sometime this weekend, hehe.

Sounds awesome!!!!!!! Have a great weekend!!!!

I hope you have a fantastic time, Anke. And how did you manage to get a five-day weekend? I'm lucky that I can manage a two-day weekend. It took me forever to convince them to give me this Friday and Saturday off.

Hey I'm back. Here's a post from another forum that I made this morning...



Didn't go to weigh in... woulda bn a waste of petrol as I was at my bf's for our anniversary.

Anyway, I've eaten well, I know I've lost, and can't wait for next week's results.

On another note.

At work, this morning, after being given my tasks for the morning I went outside and cried. I wanted to phone and talk to someone... but not my mom, coz she'll be too soft on me, I need a kick in the but... my dad would do that but he's unavailable til the 16th as he's on a hike. I don't think my bro would be able to help much, and I don't want to call my boyfriend coz I don't want to worry him more. WWe're supposed to be moving out now, I can't be risking my job by freaking out like I am.

I just needed to cry... because I feel sorry for myself, because I hate doing work... I hate myself for this. I have always left everything to the last minute... the times that I do rescue my ass it's never as good as it could have been, had I worked at it before. I feel like such a failure. I can't work, I won't, I don't know!!!!!!!!

I hate my job, I wish I was 6 again. Why am I such an idiot!!??? I KNOW I can do this job, I'm intelligent enough, capable enough, but yet I am still SO scared and freaked out.... I just keep making excuses not to go to work. And that's not helping as it's making me behind on work now too. I just want to quit, but we are moving out this month... Glenn is relying on me to be as strong as he is being... at least he loves his job... but there's nothing really NOT to love about my job... it should be perfect... I'm always telling people how great it is... and when I actually do the work it doesn't seem so bad. But to bring myself to do it, aaargh!!!!

I WANT TO RUN AWAY. I DON'T REALLY, BUT IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER. I HATE MYSELF FOR DOING THIS TO MYSELF.



Then I calmed down a bit and posted this.


I ended up trying to call my mom coz I was panicking so much... my brother answered as she was still sleeping and they're both off work right now. I was in tears on the phone to him, and he managed to calm me down and point me gently in the direction of doing my work little by little, just worrying about today. He really said all the right things. He's 2 years younger than me by the way... he finished matric a year early and has been working full time about as long as I have.

Anyway, I started typing an sms to my boyfriend earlier... never thought I sent it, I came here and wrote to you guys instead... anyway, turns out i did send it. All it said was "I'm freaking out so badly, I just want to quit. Why is work driving me to tears"

... so got a worried call from my boyfriend a little while ago... reassured him I was okay, that I'd speak to him later as he's busy.

I have finished one work task this morning... wasn't so bad, was just work. Now I'm quickly catching up on something that should have been done already that's just been asked for now. Then I'll fulfill the rest of my day's responsibilities and go home and RELAX!!!!

and then later posted...

I'm still occasionally panicking... worrying... now that I'm actually DOING the work, the worrying starts about whether I'm doing it good enough..... aaargh!! But not worrying about that today... all I can do is my best, and learn from whatever that brings me

Jeez, I was so excited to weigh yesterday, til my bf persuaded me to skip it (our 2yr anniversary). So when I get home tonight I will at least take measurements (don't have a scale). Haven't exercised much at all, so I don't REALLY expect a loss, but hey. Anyway, at least next week's weigh in WILL be a BIGG LOSS!!!

I think that should fill you all in

Hey, Anke. Sounds like you are going through a tough time, there. Winters can get like that, and I hope that's really all there is to it.

Here's a little tid bit for you. Work sucks. It sucks for just about everyone. Most people who say that they love their job mean it as in comparison to doing something else. Sure there is the exception, but in general most people would not do their job if they didn't have to. The thing is to get the job that sucks the least for you. I had a job that was so bad that I would rather be hit in the face with a frying pan then go to work. Actually, being hit in the face would hurt less then that job. I stayed with it for two and a half years because I had to. It's what you do. Now I love my job. It doesn't give me meaning or purpose. It isn't fun or satisfying. My boss is a jerk who gets his jollies from demeaning people. But it's so much better then the last one and I'll get my life's satisfaction elsewhere. Work sucks, but life is good. Focus on your life and try not to worry about work so much.

Sigh, thanks Trops. I guess I kind of need to let go of my fantasy wantings of the perfect life that I've had since I was younger. It's just so difficult to accept that work is just that... work. Anyway, I am determined to SQUEEEEZE whatever enjoyment it may hold for me from it... No use being unhappy if that's "just the way it is".

But by George, I WILL become a belly dance teacher... I'll DEFINITELY enjoy that MORE!!! At least I DO have things to throw myself into besides work... eh, life.

I live I learn, every day. I can feel I'm getting emotionally stronger too though. I toughed it out today, whereas before I would have run away. I feel soooo responsible.

Oh, it's 5pm, I'm SO going home now

Thanks Trops!

Here's what I'm reading: blah blah, blahblahblah, blahblah-blah.

My rebuttal: Everything will be okay. Focus wuvs yoo.

Awww, Focus, if everyone could just understand that that is all I needed to hear, hehe

Thank you... Trops and Focus

Hang in there Anke

I know somedays I come into work and don't know WTF i'm even doing here... It's not a job that I like to do, or have any real interest in. Right now it's paying the bills, and I get to see my dad 4 days per week which is good because I don't live with him anymore and his wife is a real pill.... It's just a stage in my life where I'm not where i want to be at but I have to get thru it so I can get to where i want to be eventually. I remember the job before i had this one and how much I hated that one towards the end and now I'm here in the same boat (not quite but pretty similar)... Being in your 20's is hard to begin with. Your trying to constantly figure out who you are and what your supposed to be doing and it can be really overwhelming, imo... Hang in there and keep you chin up

-Sam

HUGS WOMAN!!! ............YOU are amazing and CAN do anything asked of you!
YOU JUST have to believe it! And like everyone says, I think that happens at any job!

....this is life.....it sucks, and we do it.....luckily, we have home to go to......RELAX!!!

....you are smart, and your job is difficult, and you have already realized the most important thing, is that you are doing the best you can do, and that is enough!!!


...SNAP OUT OF IT!!! ......I HAVE THE FAITH IN YOU!!!

That is really exciting about moving in w/ your bf. I remember before dh and I moved it together almost like a decade ago, it was torture being apart. (I'm kidding it wasn't that long ago, Im' only 28 haha)

Anyway, I can relate to hating your job. I've had too many jobs I hated, like thinking about going there made me want to cry. You know what I did? I toughed it out and found a different job. If you think finding a different job will help you feel better, then just being proactive and looking for another might make you feel better at your current job, even if it takes a while to find a new one.

It sounds like you have th right idea, just take it day by day, task by task, and you'll get through it. Don't think of it all at once

Thanks Sammy, Purpleshirt and Alta. You are all giving me great insight into life in general, I really appreciate you all taking the time to leave comments

Anyway, yes, I have decided that I shall start looking for better (moneywise and task-wise) jobs once we have moved out and settled a bit. I certainly can't leave this job before finding another for sure.

Anyway, right now I'm happy. My boyfriend gave me a hairdressing appointment for our anniversary, cut, colour, blow dry , the works. I feel SO glamourous now

Last night after I had taken a sleeping pill coz I couldn't sleep... I went on a binging spree.... started with on slice white toast with syrup.... went to my room, went back, had another slice with margarine and syrup. Then another with margarine and marmite (vegemite). And I ate half the popcorn I had made myself for lunch today...

Still trippin on the pill, I decided it was all too much, I need to undo it, why did I screw up my day!?

So I purged

Anyway, I've done this maybe 3 times in the last 6 months.... My mom is/was anorexic/bulemic, so I know the risks and want to look out for myself now. Even if I binge again, I WILL DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES, not purge.

I"m sorry to hear that happened I'm glad your resolution is just to deal with the consequences next time. I hope you start feeling better soon! The hair's a good place to start

I hope to come back and read tomorrow that you had a wonderful day. I'm thinking of you

This is me shaking my finger at you. Don't make me shake my finger at you again.

Okay, so after that episode... last night I ate about 4 oats/cereal/energy bars.... about 200cals each. Pretty disappointed, but I did not take the easy way out. I am simply carrying on as if it did not happen... I won't try to "make up for it" this makes me more panicky than anything else.

I will, however, have a BALANCED weekend. I even bought fruit and veg with the last of my money to make sure I have things for the weekend at my boyfriend's place.