I hear ya, Anke. I'm just a few month into this and I'm wondering if this is really something that I can do for the rest of my life. Not a calorie deficit, but always thinking about the healthiest thing to do or eat. It seems pointless at times.

Then I talk to some older people. There is this one friend of mine who is 80. He's as healthy as a horse. Goes to the gym four times a week, and living life to the fullest. He went to China this year, Venice the year before, Alaska the year before. He's not a wealthy man, but he lives life to the fullest. Now he's 80 he isn't slowing down. Good genes? Sure, but there is more to it then that. I like to use people like that as my motivation.

Soooooooooo cool!!! DO it!!!

Hmmm, just had the yummiest salad... made brown rice and lentils the other night (broke, healthy person's food )

Today I mixed it in with baby spinach leaves and green Spanish tomatoes (wow, they're yum!)... and it was just SO delicious! You only have to force yourself to eat healthy for a while til it starts coming naturally, I love it!

IT'S FRIIIIIDAY!!!!! This weekend I'm chilling coz next weekend my boyfriend and I are moving out of our parents' houses and in together in our own (rented) place. I AM SO EXCITED!!!

So this week I went without the green stuff the longest that I have in a while...
Ahem, 4 day (Tues-Fri)... wasn't that hard (but if it was there I woulda smoked it!) TGIF

I know, I know, it's bad, but it's really the only vice I have left to kick... so gimme a break! I WILL GET THERE!

Have a wonderful weekend all!

Have fun moving in together! Very exciting. Don't forget to take pictures Hope the moving's easy and fast!

Wow that sounds good!
Ohhh! You're moving in with your beau! that'll be fun! Good luck, love!

Oh, that's a big step! I hope the move is smooth. Should I wish you sore muscles from the activity? Hehe.

And oh my gosh, thirty pounds? You're my hero! Now if only I could kick my final pudge!

I just ate a whole slab of chocolate. (Monday morning)

This weekend was a series of peanut butter sandwiches stuffed down with milk. And rusks and boudoir biscuits. And hot chocolate light, finished half a container. And quite possibly a whole big bag of crisps to myself... and a few whiskeys and sodas... This was all ON TOP of my normal healthy eating.

Don't know what to do. I know I'm on PMS. And I know I will have gained or maintained by Tuesday. I didn't enjoy any of the binging, what a waste.

I'm moving out with my boyfriend this weekend... and getting a little scared... are we going to fight more?? Are we gonna have money trouble?? I want to run away and hide. I don't want to be at work, I don't WANT this job.

I know I am catastrophising (making a huge big deal out of EVERYTHING, even though there's just a few little problems.)

I am at work now. I decided I would eat healthy for the rest of today, even though I just had a "Cadbury Dairy Milk - Chocolate Brownie" slab for breakfast.

If I don't JUST CARRY ON now, I'll go too far off track. I want to just go home now though, and sleep. Why do I always end up being a weak person inside when the going gets tough??

I've also been a non-smoker now for almost 6 weeks... and I've gotten to that point where I WILL NOT pick up a cigarette again, it's just not worth it. But now I ESPECIALLY yearn for bad food in excess. I KNOW when I'm eating for emotional reasons... why do I CHOOSE to keep doing it??

Anyway, I give myself some leeway, I have not done this SO BADLY in a while.

Oh God, I'm so scared I'll lose my job. I never do any work. I don't feel good enough for anything. I just want to cry now.

I think the root to this issue may all have to do with me still needing something like the cigarettes to cope. So now I don't really cope. I've not kept up with regular exercise since I stopped smoking. I also have not replaced it with anything... and I can FEEL the GAP. I NEED to fill it!!!!

With what?? Should I just TRY to exercise (I don't feel like I can bring myself to.)

I want to go home. I'm here at work, dreading the moment somebody notices that I'm useless and do no work. I want to make up a stupid excuse and go home. BUT THIS SOLVES NOTHING, I'll just have to come back and face it tomorrow.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!??

What job would you LIKE to do? Are you going to school for some other career? Maybe that could help fill the void. IMO doing something positive and progressive always makes you feel better and more confident.

Hey Lilly. Sorry, think I just needed to rant a bit above.

You are right in pointing that out though... what do I WANT to do? Well, I'm figuring this out as I go along right now... a dietician, a dancer... pondering these things at the mo...

I am feeling a little better now. I have spoken to some friends, they got me all excited about moving out... I'm gonna start making things (decoupage) to use in my new home.... placemats, coasters, etc

And I'm GOING TO exercise today... got this Taebo DVD to check out, so may as well....

Thank goodness my shlumps don't last weeks anymore... it's all about WANTING to get out of it.

Phew, feels like that was a close one though

Hey, Anke. You'll be fine. It's probably a good thing to have a mini freak out about the move. This way you won't be surprised when these problems come up, and they will come up. You'll be fine.

Oh never feel sorry about venting...better out than in, amongst other things lol. Good luck with deciding what you want to do. It took me years to find a good working environment. Even though I love the field I'm in, it took me a long time to find a place where I fit in. Some times personalities clash , work loads suck, lack of respect or recognition, etc etc, there are so many reasons why work can suck but it is a MAJOR downer to be somewhere 8hrs a day and not want to be there. I love where I work now and it even shows in my performance (I just got a promotion ), the sad part is I'll start looking for somewhere new to fit in all over again in about a year and a half...hopefully I'll be done with school and because of company policy, we have to transfer with that much of an increase in position.

Alright, the move is underway, and MAN is it exercise!!!

Thanks for checking in guys Don't know when I'll be back on...

That'll give you a good arm/back/leg workout. Hope the move goes well!

Hey!

Well, we are in our new place and it is awesome.

I only have internet at work now and will not be able to check in daily for a little while as I have to get a lot of work done at work now...

I will continue to update at least once a week though

Cheers!

Wow, Anke!
I'm really proud of you for working it out. Good luck with finding that place to fit in. I can't really give any advice on that... I've never even HAD a job. haha.
BUT I wish you the best.
We all have those days... just try to do better and DON'T WORRY about it.

Mucho amor!
<3