Oh god, I know about "crying hangovers". My stomach gets sore from sobbing and my head throbs and I can't get my eyes or head clear... I've had quite a bit of experience in that arena, unfortunately.

I know I need help, because if I don't, I know I'll end up in a very bad spot again.

I have my appointment with my therapist right before my psychiatrist appointment the same day. I honestly can't wait... I feel like I'm self-destructing. I can feel like I felt way back when, when I was near-suicidal. I am NOT suicidal... but I can see the appeal of death.

My stomach feels like it's tying itself in knots... you know that feeling you get when you're really really nervous or when you're scared out of your wits? That's the feeling I've been living with for the past few days. It sucks. I'm depressed, too... not like, kill myself depressed, but depressed enough to feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. I wish my appointment was tomorrow.

It's weird, but I think it might be related to my bipolar that I can still smile and laugh and seem normal.

Grr.

Well, until next time <3
Annie

Hey Annie, Just checkin in on ya. I hope your appointments went well! After your post I summed up the courage to call my psychiatrist and now I finally made an appointment so in a weird way thanks! I havent seen you around in a couple days so I hope everything is well!

Much Love,
Mariah <3

*poke*

Check in please!

Hello, I just thought I'd randomly visit this thread..I'm new here and just started a diary; I read the first post or two here and then jumped to the final page... it really impressed me that you started this journal last year and stuck to it all this time. It says a lot about a person I think, to have that tenacity! Thank you for your openness and I hope all went well with your appointment!! xo

hey hun!

you are such a strong person I know you'll achieve your weight loss goal.
it is not easy when you have to medicate- tell me about it.

My mom was prescribed a lot of valium before I was born. she had eclampsia and her life and mine were at high risk. we both survived, but the bad new was that I was born basically doped. I never wanted to do a single thing and being that inactive and emotional had a negative effect on my body of course as I didn't exercised and I also ate a lot. but I know it can be done and the important thing is that you remain positive and healthy.
xoxo!

Hello hello!

I really should see a psychologist... just lazy/scared/don't care enough to do it...

Right now I'm not doing so great, but I will be fine. I am just stressed about leaving this job and starting the new one!

hello all. I had class Tuesday... almost went insane, but I still got a 100% on the quiz thing (after 3 out of the allowed 4 attempts) I've been having some symptoms, like the fluttery feeling... I've been having much worse. The stomach wrenching, the jittery, restless, mind-moving-faster-than-I-could-possibly-talk feeling, the depression... My dad calls them "breakthrough" symptoms... Symptoms that break through the barrier my medicine creates. I'm just glad I'm taking medicine, otherwise it would probably be much worse. I have my appointment with both my therapist and my psychiatrist tomorrow. I can't wait. I'm so tired of this feeling. It feels like that feeling you get when you're really really nervous and really really hyper...

Ah, bedtime. I can't wait to get to sleep.

I'll feel better after tomorrow, I have no doubt.

<3

I feel better after dropping the wellbutrin. My doctor said that that happens to a lot of his patients dealing with disorders similar to mine about this time of year. They have to stop the wellbutrin and start it again around october. He upped my lithium again, too, because my blood lithium level was low. Sooo... yeah!

I've been in contact with my cousin Brian in Illinois via facebook. He's a counselor. He's really cool.

Awesomeness.
I'm not all hyper anymore... it feels good.

It's also nice to know that it's not out of the ordinary for that to happen. Makes me feel a bit more normal

So, I'll get to everyone's journals soon... I've really been slacking

Well, that's it. Thanks for checking in on me!

<3

Good to hear everything is going well for you!

I'm on Wellbutrin too... please explain what you referred to above... the "lots of people go off it once a year" thing???

What I meant was that lots of people with bipolar disorder tend to get manic-y and agitated this time of year anyway, so since wellbutrin is an "upper," they don't really need it because it makes them more agitated and manic. They were prescribed it in the first place because they tended toward depression in their bipolar. If you were prescribed it simply for depression, you probably wouldn't need to go off it because you don't have a tendency to have extreme mood swings in the opposite direction. However, if you do start feeling overly hyper or agitated or restless, you may want to ask your doctor.
----
Oh joy...
I went to get my blood drawn today to check my lithium levels, annnnnddd.... I definitely passed out. I was so embarrassed! The woman was so nice and gave me a juice box and wouldn't let me leave until she thought I looked better. My mom and I went to chick-fil-a after for breakfast, and we thought she was so nice and she was there all alone and was having such a hard day that we got a 4 count chick'n minis meal with hashbrowns and a coke and we drove back over there and brought her breakfast. So that made me feel better.

I have to write out a rough draft for tonight... Blahhhh...

I'm so tired. I'm not used to waking up at 7:30 AM. I think I need a nap, but I don't want to procrastinate... but I think I may need to, because I can't focus.

Bah. Sleep!!

<3

Oh Annie! Im glad that you posted I was starting to worry! Im sorry you haven't been feeling your best! How has your weight loss been going, are you maintaining?? (cuz if you are I am jealous!) I hope things settle down and your able to post more and take a breather!

Ah shit
I typed out this really long post and then I clicked next and somehow it got deleted. Welllllll... I'm not gonna type it out again. I'll try to tomorrow though.

Blahhh...

<3

Haha awhh I hate it when I do that! Its so irritating! Hope to hear from you soon

Uhhh... sorry for not really posting much, but I've been pouring myself into my research paper. I have 4 and a half pages. I'm SO CLOSE!!! Gah.
And now it's time for bed, but I just thought I'd let you guys in on what I've been up to.

<3