Sorry about the mom issues, but without that level of determination, this would be a lot harder to do. Keep that in mind.

Too true! Thanks

Kristi, hello and welcome, I never saw your diary (but that is prolly because usually I post and read when it is early for me, which unfortunately is late for people on the other side of the globe, and then their diaries are on pages 3 and I never venture that far...).
Anyhow, well done so far, you seem to have the right attitude, the right feeling for things and you have a great husband and son to help you on the way!

I wanted to post about your mom, I know she seems to be childish, she wants chips so she eats chips etc... and it is annoying.
I have a disease too, that limits my food tremedously. I have coeliac disease, which, if uncontrolled, will get me intestinal cancer eventually. I cannot eat anything with wheat (or barley, or rye) in it, that means that from one day to the next I could not eat cakes anymore, or cookies, or most chocolate bars (kitkat.... yummmm!), or pizza, or pasta, or anything I really loved (it felt like).
Some days are good days, actually for me at this point (month 7 after diagnosis) most days are good days, but some days... oh I KNOW I am being childish, by moping over food I can't have, by smelling food, even licking food... sometimes taking a bite... or even 2 of something I know I can't have. And when people who love me, like my dear man, tell me to stop being stupid, I get worse. I yell at them for forbidding me to eat what I love and I should be allowed to have, but ain't.
I feel like everybody is against me those days, I feel like nobody loves me, because if they did, they would let me eat what I want, and then I get even more upset.
Nobody who doesn't suffer from something like this can truly understand what it feels like to want something so so bad, knowing you can, you WILL, get sick from it, but actually feeling that you may just about die if you don't eat it!

So when your mom has a bad day, think about this, think how she feels, because although disease affects a whole family, she is the one in the sick body. Offer her some substitute (I have some soy vanilla and chocolate puddings hidden away for really bad days), tell her to vent to you, because you will help her more this way than yelling and getting frustrated. I am sure she doesn't really love being herself some days, but having other people question her... that really won't help!

I just thought you should know. I hate doing this to my family... but it gets better with time and I think, although I will never fully lose my longing for muffins and bagels, there will come a time when the bad days are so few they may even disappear.
Hugs, Camy

Dinner: Baked Salmon with lemon pepper seasoning/salt. Zucchini.... and a couple bites of mac and cheese and ONE french fry! :O BIG glass of milk.

Hi Camy,
Thanks so much for welcoming me and for the concern about my mom.
I've thought a lot about this for the past couple of days. I've had some time to think... mainly b/c she isn't answering my calls or returning my messages. I know that she is hurt that I asked her to leave. I've never ever done that before, but I do feel that it was the right thing to do. I know that she has to make the decision on her own to take care of herself and be responsible, but so do I. I did leave out that she brought over cookies and doughnuts and I had to throw those away too(which she later took the cookies out of the trash and put them in the freezer...I guess to hide them.) Ultimately I know that I had to be as harsh as to throw her out in order for me to have respect for myself. I do not want to be treated as if my struggles don't matter. I don't have Diabetes (that I know of) but I am very overweight and am very familiar with what you said about "truly understand[ing] what it feels like to want something so so bad, knowing you can, you WILL, get sick from it, but actually feeling that you may just about die if you don't eat it!" That could have been my personal motto for the last twenty years of my life!! What you are saying about your husband trying to help and you getting upset, is also all too familiar to me as well. It's hard to hear the truth. There have been times, over the last couple of years, where I've cried my eyes out to him at night and begged him to make sure that I exercise the next day....only to cry and get mad when he would do what I asked of him!! Poor guy! He didn't know what I wanted...but that's probably because I didn't either. Now, I am doing this at my own pace and not relying on anyone else. I know who supports me and who doesn't. I know who I can talk to about my struggles and who I can't. My mom isn't ready to change and it's unhealthy at this point to even have her over at my house. It's sad, but true. I'm sure it won't always be this way, but for now I have to make this decision for ME. She knows that I love her and I know that she loves me. Hopefully we can work this out soon. Anyway, thanks again for reading my journal and I look forward to getting to know more about you!

~Kristi~

I slept at my mom-in-law's last night and her scale is way less than mine...so I guess I can't really count my weigh in (215) this morning! I'm pretty sure it's 8 pounds different so I'm guessing that I'm at 223. Poop. I know it's because I've been eating more than normal. Today was my worst day in two weeks as far as how much I've eaten goes. I feel sick.

Breakfast: half a pancake..No butter. No syrup. yay for me. 2 c. of orange juice.

Lunch: Bbq chicken =leg and thigh(seasoning and ketchup) baked beans. salad = lettuce carrots and tomatoes and buttermilk ranch dressing. 2 sm. rolls. potato salad. Milk to drink. (prob. about 2 and a half c.)

Dinner: Baked Salmon with lemon pepper, 1/4 of a tomato, 4 cheese cubes, baked beans, potato salad. Diet root beer. UGH! sooo full

Exercise: NOT ENOUGH! 50 sit-ups. leg exercises. (I did help my sister-in-law move in between lunch and dinner and I worked up a good sweat for a couple of hours)

There WILL BE an update on the exercises tonight!

I notice you had NO protein at breakfast...that will often lead to overeating throughout the day.

For a quick fix, you could have smeared some PB on that pancake. Or had some skim milk. Or an egg...

I'm sure you know that.

(I'm not trying to nag, just help. I hope it comes across that way. The key to curbing appetite is PROTEIN!)

Hey girl I'm just checking in with you and my heart is going out to you. Stay strong, stay resilient, and keep being YOU. You are doing everything you can, and you care and it shows. Be strong, everything you are doing is above and beyond, you are an amazing woman. It is a struggle everyday to diet and this added stress is something that will not make your journey easy. Take a step back everyday and say to yourself "I CAN DO THIS!" Because I have so much faith in you and your diligence with posting is inspiring to me!!!

Stick with it lady, you are doing amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kept to my word and just walked/jogged a mile on the treadmill in 19 min. 52 sec. My ears are even sweating! I feel SOO much better...at least in my mind. Some sit-ups are in order before bed, though!

Please! I NEED all the help and "nagging" (which I do NOT think of it that way at all!) I can get!!!!! You are so right about the protein! It's like one weekend threw me off and I forgot everything!! Thank you Thank you Thank you! Tomorrow is back to square one.

Hey Buckeye,
You have no idea what this post means to me. I keep reading it over and over and I'm all teary now. I needed that boost to keep me going. Thank you for believing in me and for letting me know. It feels good to have such special and awesome people on my side. You are def. one of those people! Please know that I believe in you too. I CAN DO THIS! ....WE CAN DO THIS! Thanks again!
~Kristi

We all have those kind of weekends!

....yeah...and I'm paying for it now...I'm up three pounds. Back to 223. hmph.

This week is crunch time! Next week is Florida vacation...dun dun dunnn! I'm a little nervous/anxious about it. I'm bringing my scale and weights with me so that I don't come back to any surprises. I'm reminding myself that this is a lifestyle change...there are no breaks! I can do this. I'm sure I will eat stuff that I don't normally eat but it's about portion control and exercising my booty off if I decide to treat myself. My dad and brother are great cooks and they are both going to be doing a lot of the cooking. yikes. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO THIS.I CAN DO THIS.


Breakfast: 2 pieces of double fiber wheat bread. 1 slice I put peanut butter and grapes and the other piece I ate had cream cheese and blueberries. 1 whole grain cinnamon waffle with peanut butter. 1 C. of milk.

Lunch: Went to a child's birthday party....ate snack food: almonds,dried cranberries, 2 pb&j Mini-sandwiches, couple cheese-its, couple pretzles...bottled water

Dinner: Was still at the b-day party: bread, half of a wheat pb&j sandwich, cucumbers, couple bites of choco cake ...O_o Bottled water

Exercise: Walked/jogged half a mile this morning: 10 minutes (don't remember the seconds)

POOPED! Today was a LONG day, chasing around my toddler at one of my friend's kid's 1st b-day. FUN times!

Tomorrow I'm going to a play date with some of my friends and their kids and I'm bringing my own lunch and snack so that I don't have to worry about what kind of temptations there are going to be. I'm sure I'll do better than I did today.

Need to add this:

Still hungry when I got home....had a lot of "empty calories" today at the party. I ate some whole wheat noodles and spaghetti sauce and some parmesan. glass of ice water with a lemon.