So far I haven't done too badly....I had the egg sandwich again for breakfast, and then snacked on rice cakes and drank water all during my class and on my way home I got a Jugo juice- blushing mango. Thats all I have had so far today though. I head for work at 5, might have a short nap and then make myself something to take to work to eat.

~ Sara Maria ~

Ok, so today was my first big paycheque from the shelter and I went and did a little bit of shopping, which felt good. Things were fitting a little looser in my usual size, 18, so its starting to give me some faith that the healthier eating is working, though I still need to work on getting more exercise and being active. I am currently doing an overnight at the shelter and was doing readings for my classes, and looked at my food intake- I had a home made egg sandwich today, made with a wholewheat english muffin, slice of low fat cheddar cheese, salt and pepper and a small container of yoghurt with orange juice to drink. For snack I had two rice cakes and water. Lunch I ate tortellini with a tomato sauce, with shrimp and mushrooms, and diet coke. For dinner I ended up eating a tuna sandwich and water, and I have just snacked on a low fat tapioca pudding. For my meal during the evening I have the potatoes and onions that my roommate cooked last night, and more rice cakes to snack on if necessary, though I will be drinking plenty of coffee tonight to keep myself awake because I am working till 7 am.

As for how I am doing emotionally, I'm feeling a lot better than I had been. I had a chat with some friends of mine regarding my issues with being single and dating, and not wanting to date while plus size. They made me realize that I could potentially be missing out on a great guy who would appreciate me either way by not being able to take my wall down.

Lately, I have also realized the value in wearing things that are not as revealing. I don't wear overtly sexy outfits all the time, but I have been known to show cleavage quite abit, and I find I'm going for items now that are higher in the neckline and fit me much better than what I used to wear....I think getting the placement in the shelter and subsequently getting work there has definitely helped me view myself in a different light. I walked in to the shelter tonight in a dress and a cardigan and all the female residents were complimenting me and telling me how fantastic I look, and it was a good feeling. I also get that from my co-workers and it makes me realize how glad I am for the support that I recieve.

Just wanted to say thanks for the note in my journal! I have a hard time feeling like I'm inspiring to anyone, especially after eating the way I have been the last week or so...

I am trying to at least be religious on the work outs though...

Your job at the shelter sounds like one of those things that can give someone a new outlook on things. It sounds rewarding and inspirational in itself. Be interesting to hear more.

Check in later...

So today has been a weird day. I ended up not doing the night shift and went shopping with a friend of mine, and things went well, bought some tops and some dresses. Had some soup and pasta for dinner. Only ate half the portion and kept the rest of it to eat today....I went to a salvation army barbeque with a friend and had some corn on the cob and salad. And then some calamari just before I started work and now I just had some brown rice, vegetables and turkey breast.

So I'm pulling a double tonight and am not to thrilled because it means no sleep for me till after 9 am and its my one day off this week, and I'll be spending it sleeping, but hey...money should be good hopefully...but 18 hours....gah...I'm cabbing it home for sure.

Just stopping by to see how the work weekend was and see it's not over. Good luck with that double. Good job with the eating as well.

Matt

And if I were in your neighborhood, I would be delighted to be your Cabbie!!!

Take care, get some sleep!!

So I had a nice positive experience last night. I tried on pants that before I could not do up, and was able to do them up and almost be comfortable in them lol. I'm taking it as a positive sign that what I've been trying to do is working....I tried on a pair of white capri's that were soooo tight a few months after I bought them and they were still a little tight, but getting there....it excites me to think that soon I might be able to wear them and be comfortable wearing them.

Yeah!!! Being able to fit in pants that were previously too tight is a better feeling than seeing the numbers go down on the scale. To me, anyway. Awesome!

I should take pictures of me in the pants...like I said, they are still a bit tight, but when I bought them, they were goal pants and I had a huge roll going over the top of them for a while, then I couldn't do them up at all, and now I can do them up easily and I'm sure if they stretch, will not have the 'roll'. Eeepp...makes me upset just thinking about it....I've still been having a terrible time trying to feel confident. I have plenty of people tell me I look like I'm losing, but unless I believe it myself....I'm working on it though. I'm on another overnight tonight, its going to kill my eating schedule, especially as I don't plan on sleeping till later on in the day, since I have class at 12, so I'll be eating a lot more than I usually do in a regular day. I try and make sure I go to bed later so my sleep schedule doesn't get completely screwed up.

I haven't gone to the gym yet this week....I need to get myself in there....its not about wanting to go in anymore, I feel like I need to in order to kickstart things again, but doing the overnights has completely thrown my schedule.

I've been a night shifter for years and I can relate completely with what you are saying with the overnights killing your eating schedule.

Two things that are working for me right now: When I get up in the afternoon or early evening, I work out, or cycle right away. It is like coffee to me now, it wakes me up.

I am tracking calories in fitday.com, I'm counting my days as midnight to midnight. It shouldn't really matter how you do it, but for some reason ,I find it easier on my schedule to look at it this way. Technically my waking schedule has a break in the middle where my calorie count resets to the next day. for some reason, this works better for me, psychologically anyway.

Sounds like you are enjoying the clothing some. I think when I finally get where I want to be, I'm going to buy a designer suit and have it tailored for me. Just once, I'd like to have something really nice for clothing, that truly looks good on me. It's going to be a while though...

I want to save up for a fantastic holiday....or a trip around Europe....that would be awesome. I just look forward to buying clothing in regular sizes.

I was talking to my friends about my not dating as a plus size position lately, and I think I've realized that right now I just want to stay single period, not because I don't want to date as a plus size, but because right now I need to spend some time focussing on myself, because I never do that. I want to feel better about myself. Not that it doesn't kill me right now seeing couples, kissing and hugging, and the closeness....but I need to be happier with myself before I can be happy with someone else. And not to mention, I have a male friend who provides the affection that I need.....he always hugs me, will walk arm and arm with me, tickles me (ever since he found out my waist is ticklish, oh my god), and we have the sort of friendship where we know what the other is thinking, and for now I am great with having that. It's great having a friend who is not causing me stress.

Yeah, we'd like to do a cool vacation too. It has always been Disney or something like it before. We'd like to do something more adult now that the kids are grown.

Actually, we sort of challenged each other in some ways. If we get where we want to go weight-wise we might go to Hedo II...

One of my main issues is I never wake up in enough time to make myself breakfast at home...I always just sleep in that little bit extra, which leaves no time for me to eat at home and I always end up eating out...any suggestions on foods that I could prepare the night before that I might be able to eat quickly in the morning?

just stopping in to say hi!! Hope all is well at work and things are slowing down for you.

How about some hard boiled eggs, make your own breakfast sandwich (if you have access to a microwave), cheese sticks, fruits. Nobody says you have to eat breakfast food. Some guy in my work actually has a turkey sandwich.

Matt