Space, yes space...I need to find space between my gut and my waist band.

Space from fried food and the food court in the mall.

Space from my new step siblings.

Space from my ex boyfriend's happiness.

Space from work, from everything that is so-last-year.

Space from college courses and 4 point 0's...

*smiles*
Perhaps I am a vile individual who would wish to be alone in a capsule gearing up to leave the atmosphere. Destination anywheres but here. Well it might be fun for a little while, but of course I'd leave the things I DO love.

We're getting off the subject:

*clears throat* Yanno, with the aid of time, I get to plan a new year, new look, new me. I get to change everything I want that darn space from. In that I get a sense of completion. I feel like floating through the stars and touching the dust around the planets. Everything is so alien and I think I love it.

Yes, I want space, and I'm going to get it because I have faith in myself. Call me selfish for wanting this space, but this is for ME after all..

Let's touch a few trivial things before we get to the reason I'm even making a weight loss journal.

My ex boyfriend is a part of my life and it's like every time we talk my happiness could never amount to the way his new girl treats him. Really, that's fine because we broke up last october and I've met someone new myself. He's amazing and...beautiful inside and out. BUT according to my ex, my current boyfriend doesn't mean anything. BUT inside this heart of mine there is NO space for my ex's happiness because I want to fill it all up with my new guy (yanno what, let's call my ex Saturn and my current Jupiter) While Saturn and I were together for 5+ years, I can't find it in my heart to stop talking to him. BUT Jupiter has everything for me, he's perfect. He has sucked out every ounce of love I have to give and I'm happy about it. I might be wrong for saying this but...something inside tells me he's the one.

Anyway I figured I'd touch the topic before I mention it later and it gets weird.

So I'm 22 and live with my parents, YES I need to move out and I would love to..NO, i'm not ready to live with Jupiter nor is he. Y'see my mom wants me to stay to take care of my 16 year old sister who needs a good moral sister to show her guidance and hey...I may be a vile girl, but I am a good role model and I love my sister to death..SO I stayed..but now my mom and her future husband (who is not my father) have taken his children which are young, undisciplined, and not my responsibility. Yes, I am accepting (I let them sleep in my room) Yes, I am patient. So i'm ready to get out of here, take the house, take the teevee, but don't take my life. My mother promised to remedy this situation by March...which makes me happy.



Okay okay..weight loss

It started you start small yanno? I couldn't get into those stupid size 11 fat jeans. Bleh, so I ate less, worked out and by the time I got to a size 8 I got a personal trainer. She was cool and all but it didn't really help because we did the same stuff all the time and I wasn't challenged I quit about 2 months ago and decided to do things on my own. Around this time I began dating Jupiter and weighs 142 lbs...so it really inspired me. I got down to 125 and a size 5 (I recently posted my picture thread), but i'm really jiggly.

SO I decided to get a new personal trainer at this really serious looking institute that helps athletes and stuff. When I met one of the trainers he told me how serious they are and stuff and how he will do his best to get me into the best shape of my life and that I don't need to lose 20lbs like I thought.

After a long talk I joined.

I went for my evaluation on Wednesday and got my weight, my body fat% which was like 30! BUT the trainer said my hydration count was low so he took the percentage with calipers instead (he didn't calculate it while I was there) he then made me do some push ups and squats and sit ups also he showed me how to warm up for my first session

shockingly enough i'm SORE


So tommorow is my first work out with my new trainer (who is incredibly cute ><;

I will update this journal for the two months i am in this program and will take pictures every two weeks

I attached my "where I stand" pictures.

my goal currently is only to lose inches and get toned get some definition and get rid of my gut!

Attached Thumbnails

     

I think whenever my boyfriend leaves at 5'oclock in the morning I get more sleep. For some reason I just sleep a lot more soundly when I can hear him breathe beside me. I'm sure my snoring might have the same effect, or be endearing considering he hasn't called me out on it. It's like my life is beginning to revolve around him and there isn't an asteroid in sight. Even if there were I know I'd have the strength to keep this going, or at least I hope. Since when did I get confidence?

weird...


Okay, so as my younger sister woke me to take her to school I felt this really big jump in my heart rate. I knew that today I was going to have to do work and it wouldn't be easy. Since I haven't worked out in a month I knew it wasn't going to be fun either, and I had little confidence in my abilities. So when I got ready to go to training I scarfed a cup of coffee and polished off a blueberry nutri grain waffle. I then headed to training where I was met by one of the other trainers who seems very intense. My trainer wasn't there yet, so I went ahead and paid for my sessions...*coughs* it totally raped my wallet...

We then began our warm up which consisted of rolling around on some foam stability rollers, then doing some dynamic stretches like shuffle lunges, butt kicks, stretches, etc.

I had already broken a sweat, but my breakfast had already begun to fuel my body and gear me up for an intense hour long work out. We started a strength circuit which was weighted squats, lunges, throwing a medicine ball at a trampoline (which was shockingly fun), we then progressed to some core exercises, and then the worst part ever came around..

I am a girl of little confidence and little experience etc. SO when my trainer instructed me to lay on this table for stretching, I was weirded out! I had to lay on my back and relax while he was between my legs and stretching me...it was..SO AWKWARD! I just looked up and I felt myself blush to the point that my glasses began to fog. All I could do was giggle a little and focus on the fact that these stretches not only hurt but it felt almost sexual thus leading me to blush even more and relaxing was not even a possibility! oi!

I'm sure after a few stretch sessions i'll get over it tho.

So in conclusion I definitely feel optimistic about this! *jumps in the air*