if you can find meaning in life then you will want to live no matter how bad your circumstances...


watched 'the diving bell & the buttefly' last night about a man who at 43 suffered a massive stroke. when he woke up twenty days later, he found he was entirely speechless; he could only blink his left eyelid. This rare condition is called Locked-in Syndrome, a condition wherein the mental faculties are intact but the entire body is paralyzed.

Despite his condition, he wrote the book The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by blinking when the correct letter was reached by a person slowly reciting the alphabet over and over again. Bauby had to compose and edit the book entirely in his head, and convey it one letter at a time...wow!! that took some self will and determination...not just to give up & sink into depression & retire from life altogether. but he still believed he had a purpose and that life was still expecting something from him...& that he had something to give.

i read the book some years ago. in the movie a man who had been taken hostage & kept in a small cell visits him. the man compares baubys state of being locked-in/a hostage in his own body to his own time in captivity against his will. it made me think...how i am keeping my own self & my sparkling wit & personality (hahaha) hostage to some degree... locked in a body i don't want or recognise...refusing party invites/nights out as i feel uncomfortable with myself at this weight (i maybe pudgey...but still have my vanity LOL) of course its not even my poor bods fault its doing its best to function depite being over loaded with food (the bad stuff!!) at times...my mind has a lot to answer for...esp the little voices in my head that goad me on to eat...& have me believe that the choccie biscuits really are calling my name...amanda eat me eat me now!!! very 'little shop of horrors'!!

if he knows the 'why' in his life he will not be put off by the 'how'...

put that in someone elses diary yesterday i think but it seems so relevent to my situation right now putting it in mine too. i know the 'why' - want to lose weight for health/fitness & to feel & look fab!! i also know the 'how' - of how to do it...so was thinking why am i finding it so hard to do what i want to do?? it came to me...sabotage!!! those voices again (no not 'those 'voices' i am slightly ditsy & two sheets to the wind at times...but not certifiable!! LOL)

have to be mindful at all times if poss as my voices/unconscious will try to tempt me to eat/to keep me as i am/to stick to old habits...b/c of course they've worked for me in the past... stressed?? i ate...upset?? i ate...feeling overwhelmed or had a bad day/night with finn?? i ate...

food was instant gratification/instant comfort...but i choose a different way of being now. food may have helped me in the past but now i choose to be healthy so i need to ditch the old habits & the weight gained through them...

food does not control me!!

i am in control of what i eat!!

a big burly one who'll take no nonsense or excuses...& say 'baglady lets go!! now!!'...then cart me off in his big burly arms...



to the gym!!

(why what were you thinking i meant??! mind out of the gutter!! now!! LOL)

your thread is so entertaining to read. i love your openness and such. imagine the fun you will have when you start losing! oh and.. ehem:

baglady lets go!! now!!

ooooooh i do like a man to be in control...LOL


no wait...lets revise that for the sisterhood & all...

so...i like a man to be in control at 'certain' times...is that ok??!

oh who am i kidding with the blush smilie??! who here thinks i'm really blushing?? silence...& not a raised hand in sight



i must not flirt with the boys

i must not flirt with the boys

i must not flirt with the boys

Baglady! Just wanted you to know that I went to the grocery store last night and picked up some Quorn "Chick'n" Cutlets. I had some today for lunch and they weren't half bad.

Thanks for the suggestion. I was in need of a little more variety in my meals.

you might get different things in the states than here in uk. never seen those cutlets you mentioned. though the quorn sausages are really nice. i get the quorn mince & quorn 'chicken' pieces. i do all kinds with them...thai currys/sweet & sour stir frys/spagbol/veggie chilli/lasagne etc...& my son & nephew who are not veggies eat & enjoy the meals i make with quorn too.

i serve the above with wholewheat pasta/brown rice or bake potatoes.

if you want any detailed veggie recipes let me know & i'll pm you them...i'm sure you won't need them though as i'm sure you're a much better cook than i am!!

my youngest (10) would have had exactly the same reaction and depending on my own stress level I would have said more to the meddling old fool. I know they often mean well but they have absolutly no idea.

just take it one day at a time, the temptation to eat yourself silly with bad food choices after a bad meltdown can be overpoweringly strong.

I try to put all of that stress into my training sessions at the gym otherwise it all gets to much. You need to find a way to get rid of your stress, as it will help kill off those demon voices telling you how good it would feel to eat those choccies or crisps.

i can tell you know how it is re meltdowns...yes felt a little upset afterwards which led to mcdonalds!! & dominos pizzas on another day (school holidays!!)

how i've lost this week i'll never know...

but 2lbs yay me!!!

tbh felt bit of a fraud this week & didn't expect to lose anything...as this was my 'easing into it' week...i sooooo should have called my diary 'the lazy girls guide to weight loss'!! (thats asuming it works LOL)

i only did one thing differently this week...but it was a really big deal for me...no chocolate bars!! oh & 2 long walks...i've let myself go soooo far when it comes to exercise...even when i was very slim never exactly a gym bunny but i did workout occasionally...& now???!

ok...so onto my 'easing in' exercise programme...

dog walk later tonight (though its cold & dark...& really really don't want to!!) then that'll be a grand total of 3 good walks this week.

tomorrow clearing out shed as i remembered (though god only knows how i managed to forget in the first place??!) that when i moved house...2 yrs ago...i stored/hid a brand new reebok trampette...& i have new arm & ankle strap weights in there too & hand weights. this w/end i start to kick my own ass (of course in the uk we say arse...but ass fits better LOL)

what you said about finding something to get rid of my stress really rings true for me as the other day i was scribbling some things down about why i was finding it so hard to begin when i know how to & want to etc...when it dawned on me that i use food to take the edge off things (like some ppl do with a drink...) a way of coping with life...so i knew i had to find something else to help me cope...exercise was the obvious choice...it will help me to lose weight/tone up/de-stress/increase cardiovascular fitness & stimulate neurotransmitters in my brain to produce seratonin, the 'feel good' hormone!! WOW!!

the plan to shake off lazygirlitis starts tomorrow!!


NB ruled out becoming addicted to sex & drugs for obvious reasons...though maybe not so obvious...no time/energy to fit dates in so sex addiction would be nigh impossible to fit into my life...& as for drugs been there done that in my younger partygirl days but never appealed particularly i'd rather eat!!

i am due to visit my very oldest & dearest friend who moved about 300 miles away last year & with one thing or another haven't got around to visiting her at her new house yet...anyway train tickets bought for a months time & i really really can't wait to her...lots of girlie gossip/a chick flick at the movies & maybe even a few (!) glasses of wine...plus my eldest (20yrs) looking after finn for me (so huge bonus i'll be child free!!! hurrah!! not really such a bad mommy honest LOL)

yet i caught myself thinking the other day (after a panic about what to wear ie what'll fit me??!) well if haven't lost any weight by then i can always just give my tickets to another friend of ours??!! what?? how negative is that??

letting my weight dictate what i do?? letting my concerns sabotage my trip?? i don't think so!! i'm going to go no matter what!!! & do y'know?? i will lose more weight before i go to...as long as i stay focused...marathon not a sprint blahblahblah...

anyway might not have made it by 40 or 41 or even 42 exactly...

but by the summer this year i will be on my to being fit & fabulous for the rest of my 40's...& beyond!!!


my body deserves good nourishment for me to be healthy


as for leftovers...better off in the bin than in my stomach!!

Where are ya, Baglady? I need my daily dose of inspirational quotes!!

I thought about you today as I purchased some Quorn. Unfortunately they didn't have the lowest cal selection that I prefer (the plain cutlets), so I'm going to swing by another grocery store tomorrow to see if I can find some. Today I picked up the "chick'n" patties instead.

I see you're signed up for the next challenge as well. Looking forward to winning... err, competing with you.

thank goodness you reminded me about the challenge...busy w/end...i'd forgotten all about it!! but wasn't i supposed to have something sent by email for the challenges?? hmmmm i may have left it too late now...is it obvious that i have absolutely no clue whatsoever what i signed up for!!?

a quote just for you...

'to live is that rarest thing in the world...most people exist, that is all...'
oscar wilde

i do like a bit of pink...girlie but with a bit of an edge thats my thing!!

even when you fall on your face, you are still moving forward...

What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it