I'm not sure anyone will actually read this, and this whole diary thing is mainly for my own benefit, but here's a bit about me if anyone did want to read on....EDIT just before posting: there's a lot to read! I realise as I'm writing this that you must be able to see that already. Still, you can't say I didn't warn you!

Well first of all, I live in the UK, if that's an important thing to know?

Let's start way back...At around 13/14 I really stopped eating much, probably was in danger of becoming anorexic if I'd carried on that way. I think the lowest weight I got to was 8 stone, and let's say I was about an inch shorter (I really haven't grown much since then, maybe the lack of food stunted my growth!) then that would give me a bmi of about 18.6 - in the normal range, but on the border of underweight.

Started dating my boyfriend 4 years ago, was 16 and around 10 stone then (bmi 22.6, normal), maybe even a few lbs lighter. Then I discovered his cupboards full of cakes and crisps, and he was very generous with the takeaways, so I went up to 11 stone in the first year (bmi 24.9, normal but right on the border of overweight). Maintained that weight until just before summer 2008, when I suddenly went up to 12 stone (bmi 27.1, overweight). Thought/hoped it would go as quickly as it came, but no such luck. Put on a couple of extra lbs just in the last month.

My weight has always initially gone to my thighs and rear, which is good from a heart-disease-risk-factor point of view, but now it's on my stomach too, which must go! I'm a UK size 12, and bottom half is threatening to need size 14 now. Desperate not to go up another stone or dress size!

My stamina is non-existent, I get tired standing up for more than 30 secs...I'm stronger than I should be considering the amount of exercise I get, but still not great...My legs and hips are covered in stretch marks from this extra stone (I still consider it "new" and "temporary", even though it's stayed for around 3/4 of a year!), and the other day I noticed cellulite around my KNEES. Knees should be somewhat knobbly - I can't even see the bone! Of course I have 'cankles' too, but I think I may have inherited those to some extent. I have a round face as well, and it only looks rounder and less defined with these extra lbs. My skin has definitely declined since I put on that last stone too.

I suffer from depression and social anxiety, which got a lot worse during my first year of uni. I'm taking a year out to try to get over it (or at least over it enough to be able to carry on at uni at the end of this year), but have only recently had the strength to take the steps I need. Having these problems means that I stay indoors/in bed for most of the day, most days. It's probably the reason I put on that last stone, and almost definitely the reason it hasn't gone. It doesn't help either that I often have difficulty getting to sleep at night, which means I sleep till the afternoon. It's 4.20am as I write this sentence. I really need to somehow increase my activity level. I stay indoors so much that I've actually developed a pretty bad Vit D deficiency, which I'm taking supplements for now.

I don't think I eat excessively anymore, but I do eat late in the evening and probably have too much sugar and saturated fat (especially the latter recently, since I rediscovered my love for cheese). I eat more fruit+veg than I did a couple of years ago. I've never drank enough water. I also probably don't do my metabolism any favours, as I don't eat very regularly during the day (skipping breakfast is one of my sins, but I've been better recently).

I think I have a pretty good knowledge of nutrition and exercise for a lay(wo)man - it's just implementing it that's the problem for me. Luckily for me, my boyfriend is nearing the end of a personal training course, so he should be able to help me get the exercise I so desperately need and keep my motivation up. Also helps as I definitely can't afford a gym membership!

Other factors:
Smoke - No
Drink - Rarely

I have a habit of going straight into the deep end, then running out of steam incredibly quickly. So I'm trying to take this step by step, being sensible. I also have a habit of giving up if I don't see results straight away, but just tracking small changes in my weight and lifestyle here should help with that.

Feels good to get this all written down! Even this is a positive step forwards.

So my goal is 10st (140 lbs, 22.6 bmi). I'm not sure how long I'm setting myself to get there yet, just not too soon and not too long! I might set an ultimate ultimate goal of 9st 8/9 (134/135lbs), as that would give me a bmi of around 21.7 - exactly in the middle of the normal range. Sounds pretty perfect, but I'd be more than happy with 10 stone. Of course, I know bmi isn't everything, and I may start focusing on body fat % in the future, if I can get it measured accurately. Failing that, then measurements around the waist etc. I'm too scared at the minute to take them though! How often do people weigh/measure themselves? I think maybe at the end of every week. I'll be weighing in the morning, since that's when I'm lightest! Not full of food.

Will be trying to think positively, look to the future etc...

And will I miss anything about being this weight? Only the boobs

Aye, Captain! I can't help but wonder if you are a fellow Trekkie, writing a Captain's Log

Welcome to your WL Diary! You are right to get your weight under control NOW, before you go up one more size. It's great that your BF is completing a trainer's course and can advise and encourage you on your WL journey!

I hope you've seen a doctor about your anxiety and depression. It sounds pretty severe if it keeps you tied to your home/bed! There are so many wonderful things to enjoy in this life. May you LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!!! (old Vulcan proverb).

Best wishes on your journey
ABBA