I've had problems with my self-image for as long as I can remember, due to a difficult home situation which I shan't go in to. Because of my genes, I've always been overweight; my sister eats more than me but is thin, yet such is life.

Anyway, about 2 years ago, when I was around 15-16, I started starving myself and very quickly began the useless pattern of yo-yo dieting. About a year ago, I developed bulimia. Since then, my weight has varied from 178lb, my heaviest ever, to 156lb, a weight at which I was proud of achieving just 10 weeks ago at Christmas; I'm 5'6" and 18 years old. In the last 2 months however, I've started bingeing again and put more than a stone - I now weigh 172lb. I understand the reasons for this constant yo-yoing effect - I starve myself for a couple of months and then start to eat all the foods I miss, relying on bulimia to get rid of the excess calories, which it can never do sufficiently, so I gain weight. I feel absolutely awful in my current state and hate myself, and have been trying to stop bingeing since Xmas, but haven't managed (so far) more than 5 consecutive days.

All of that is background to what I now want to do: develop a healthy relationship with food. I'm receiving councilling and very much want to stop the damaging pattern of bingeing and purging, begin to take regular exercise and establish better eating patterns. The problem is that my desire to do all that is still secondary to my desire to lose weight; but I hope to be able to achieve both.

Anyway, this diary is a way of making myself come to terms with my eating patterns and my attempts to change them.








-- How much weight do you want to lose?
Around 30-35lb; I would be so happy if I could reach 140lb.

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
I'd like to reach this weight or (to have at least surpassed my previous weight of 156lb) by June 25th (Glastonbury Festival)

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?
To try and tempt myself out of a bingeing pattern:

Carbohydrates in the morning (toast or cereal or porridge)
Fruit/yoghurt throughout the day
Dinner of meat or fish and vegetables.

I know it seems like very litle, but bulimia has severely mucked up my metabolism and I need to eat enough to function (normally when going through periods of weight loss I eat around 800 calories a day, and I now want to aim for around 1200)


I will also be aiming to exercise more; stretches etc, walking, jogging, and recording the little extra every day.

-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
My friends and my family

-- How realistic is your goal?
I think it's realistic; it's 16 weeks til Glastonbury and, at a rate of 2lb a week, that's 32lb. I also lose weight fast and have lost 20lb in 6 weeks before.

-- When will you start?
Now - today was Day One.



DAY ONE:
Breakfast - dry special K (200)
Lunch - apple banana yoghurt (320)
Dinner - beef (300) asparagus (100) swede, cauliflower and green beans (100)

Feeling? Hopeless, as though I'll never lose any weight, though I know if I can only keep this up for about 14 days I'll be seeing a difference already.

Welcome to the forum, good luck, you can do it !

thank you
so far - cup of tea & special K for brekkie
Red pepper for a snack

i use to do the same "yo yo dieting"...i would eat very little for about a month or 2, lose maybe 15-20 pounds then i would go and eat all the fast food and sweets that i missed

so i definitely relate to this, but now im tryin to lose weight the right way

good luck, keep us updated

Alice! I was in the same boat you are. Back when I was 20 yrs old. I would starve myself, eat way less and workout like crazy. I lost so much weight in so little time. Then when I actually did eat I gained it back faster than I could blink my eyes.

So now I battle with my wieght and I know I could go back to that stage in my life but I dont want to do that anymore to my body. Plus I got my kids to watch over. You'll get pass this. Keep positive. Dont give up.

Have a Wonderful weekend and dont forget to drink your WATER!!

Thank you very much for your comments! I've kept it up for six days and have apparently lost 6lbs.. though not much has gone from my waist which is where I normally lose first. Odd.

*hugs*

Welcome here, and I'm sorry for your past troubles-- but it's great that you've decided to get better and make a good life for yourself! Most people here are really nice and supportive; I know that if you stick to it, you'll be able to gain healthy control over your life again and lose a few pounds, too!

Awww thank you very much

I haven't been regularly updating this because I keep a diary of exactly what I eat on paper. Anyway for 11 whole days (a big deal for me) I stuck to my plan and lost about 8lbs - sounds ridiculous but after daily bingeing/purging my body is seriously confused. I also know alot of that will be water/muscle but I find it so hard to eat at a level which gives me enough food without making me want to be sick. I've tried to eat 1000 calories a day but I tend to overestimate my calories..

Anyway last night I succumbed to the binge temptation and ate a cheese sandwich, 2 cherry mini bakewells, milk, more bread and butter and a couple of chocolate biscuits in one sitting. Then I threw it all up again. I felt like absolute **** afterwards and I really want to get straight back into dieting
again.... urgh.