That means I'd have to let my hair grow out again. Eh, sure. I'll do that.

Did I just really get called a "mother fucker" in my own journal?!?!?!

Ooooooooh, just for that, I'm going to...I'm gonna...eh, probably eat something, because I'm fucking starving and I don't really have the energy to do anything right now. Maybe some bacon and eggs. Yeeeeeah, that sounds good. And some orange juice!!! No...YEAH, orange juice. NO, chocolate milk. Fuck yeah, CHOCOLATE MILK!!!

:reads what he just wrote:

Wow...I REALLY need to get skinny. I'm getting all aroused by the thought of breakfast food. Did I say "aroused"? I meant...horny.

Haha, sorry - I told you I'm revved up.

Breakfast food is kinda sorta awesome. I love a good breakfast for dinner!

So, for the past few months, I've had some serious trouble with getting to sleep at a normal time. My work schedule caused my body to get used to going to bed at around 3AM and waking up around 6AM every day, so I'm not too shocked, but...it still gargles balls.

Over the course of the past few months, I haven't been able to fall asleep before 6-7 in the morning, unless I drink some Nyquil or get drunk. Last night was one of those nights. I didn't fall asleep until around 9AM and then I woke up not too long ago. I was up all night and then at 7AM, Comedy Central was showing Beverly Hills Cop. So, I was like, "I kiiiiinda want to watch this shit, and I stayed up until it was over.

Anyway, I at least did something productive while I was up...I masturbated. HAHAHAHA, no, that's not it. I mean, I did masturbate (It was really good too. Like, one of those times where after you "finish", you just lay there for a moment and let it all sink in.), but that's not the productive thing I was talking about. Since I was up, I figured I would work on my weight lifting routine that I plan on starting when I return home to my parent's house. I still have my old weight bench station, treadmill and stationary bike in the basement, so I'm going to be using them with regularity. Anyway, this is what I plan on doing for my weight lifting routine...


:looks at everything:

Oh my GOD!!! How am I going to be able to do all of that?!?!?! Ok, Chef...you can do this. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! ROOOOOOAAAARRR!!! ROOOOOO...oww...I think I pulled a muscle.

Anyway, I thought I'd just share what my plan of attack was. That way, as I progress and get my body healthier, people can come here and see how I did it. Oh, there is also going to be masturbating. Lots and lots of masturba...seriously, I totally pulled a muscle and it sucks.

leave that blummin pic where it is!! you have a lovely little face with cheeks & dimples that just beg to be squeezed...don't touch the beardy growth either us girls like a bit of scruff (stubble/facial fuzz) on a guy...

research done recently says a bit of chin coverage automatically makes a man seem masculine, tough and strong – all qualities we ladies are subconsciously looking for in a partner apparently...anyway...........all i know is i prefer big strong, cuddly bear types who don't wuss about using a ton of friggin products 'for men'...soap/water/deodrant & maybe a bit of nice aftershave or spray...thats it...if theres going to be any bleedin bathroom hogging it'll be done by me!!! so yeah give me a hairy hottie any day...

i'm sure theres loads of girlies who would love to get it on with the chef...but as you're nearer in age to my son i'd just want to make you breakfast...& no i don't mean after a wild night of bed action...(that'd be wayyyyy too pervy...anyway i like my men older & more wrinkled than i am...they're there to make me look even more awesome than i already am hahaha)

i make a scrumptious breakfast with homemade pancakes, sausage & scambled eggs that my son & his friends all love....but...if it was 10/15yrs fom now...& i'd been suspended in time at my 'youthful' 42...oh yeah soooo would in a heartbeat

there are a few guys on here your age actually who are really sweet too...the 80's has spurned some great guys!! but i may have to find a new forum with some older men for little old me to flirt outrageously with...i do like a little flirtation...& anyway surely thats worth a few calories...it certainly puts a spring in your step


heres a little sunday track for you...
a bit before your time...the waterboys...not sure if they're even still goin now they had musicians from scotland, ireland & england...a mix of Celtic folk music with a little rock and roll...folk rock apparently?? whatever...the singer has a lovely scottish accent & thats all that matters LOL

YouTube - The Waterboys - "Whole Of The Moon"

i was reading through that challenge thingy of yours...which i won't be joining as i'm just doing it the lazy girl way...no structure at all/just moving my butt more & trying to eat less 'crap...if it is crap though why the fuck does it always taste so yummy!!?? anyway i'm hoping to market the lazygirl guide to weightloss...if/when when i lose the rest of my blubber

anyhoo.....

i was trying to figure out who you reminded me of & then it dawned on me its robbie willaims (who you probably don't know...singer from uk & very funny & a hit with the ladiessssss) & hes always reminded me of (both looks wise & funny wise) my 1st ever hubbie...who while i wouldn't ever want to be married to again..not for all the friggin fendi handbags in the world...he could really make me laugh...he was always a bit off/irreverant/managed to link everything to sex...basically he didn't give a flying fuck what ppl thought...& that my friend is a very sexy combo but he was a complete pain in the arse to live with.........the sex wasn't bad though

this is typical of his way of thinking...he once turned up at my door...at 3am...pissed...asking if there was any chance i'd take him back...how can i NOT want to be with HIM etc etc...as he swayed every which way on my doorstep...knowing what he was like (ie very funny & pushy!!) didn't let him in...for fear he'd laugh my knickers right off...but i talked a while to him (as much as you can to a drunken person when you're not drunk ) then called him a cab...(reminds me of an old joke...call me a taxi...you're a taxi!! hahaha...told you it was old)


about a week later...i found out he'd got MARRIED....the VERY NEXT DAY!!!WTF??!! & what...y'know if i'd caved in to his drunken charm??! jesus....LOL

after the honeymoon when he came to pick our son up...i said oh yeah congrats...on the wedding...he just laughed & said...you cow why didn't you let me in?? he then went on to give me his take on 2nd marriages...

i'm a cathoilc & we don't really believe in divorce...you divorced me...so now i'm commiting adultery everday b/c of you...which means it doesn't count as adultery if i shag you (always the charmer...) b/c you're still my real wife...hmmmmmm somehow i don't think wifelet no.2 would quite agree.....


incidentally...........
we'd been divorced for TEN years...when he turned up at my door...& i'd already married & divorced hubbie no.2............

So, I want the Super Awesome Mega Challenge to start RIGHT NOW. I'm really fucking pumped about it. See, I've always been one of those people that doesn't give a fuck about most things. It's hard for me to find motivation, because I just don't care. My life is meaningless, my life doesn't have a purpose and my life doesn't mean a fucking thing. So, it's hard to get up and get motivated to do things. Well, this contest is serving as a huge motivation to me and it hasn't even started yet.

I was looking at my "before" pictures and, even though they are hilarious, they give me some weird sense of hope. I mean, I'm fat and I'm poopy, but I can fix what I have. It's not going to be easy, but I know that I can change the body in my "before" pictures into something that girls want to rub their boobies all over. Speaking of boobies, people seem to be skipping out on their price of admission to this awesome thread. Anyway, I know I that I can get the body that I want. What body do I want? This one...

http://i44.tinypic.com/2dka9tg.jpg

Seriously, that body is fucking awesome and I could kick some major ass if I had it.

Anyway, I'm really excited. I haven't looked forward for something to happen this much since the time I lost my virginity. That was the best 4 and a half seconds of my life. :dreamy siiiiigh:

You mean, the dude that used to be in Take That? Like, THIS Robbie Williams?

I could see more of a Robbie Williams like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyDMCn60lhY
Especially when he rips his skin off inthe video lawl

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_fTT9xlgZ9C...Suspenders.jpg


Haha Just kidding

or maybe she meant Robin Williams?

What woman wants to rub her body over a hard piece of metal.....unless it vibrates and comes in different colors?

Robin Williams is the hairiest person on the face of the earth. Seriously, I heard he grows a beard every time he sneezes.

Umm, a cool woman? If I was Robocop, chicks would be all over me, like, "OH MY GOD, you're so awesome Robocop. I want you to pound me with your...big...cold...metal penis? Is that a penis? WHAT IS THAT? It looks like a part of a bike!!!"

Hmm...maybe Robocop isn't a good idea.

Is this any more attractive? http://i40.tinypic.com/34r9g1d.jpg

Errhhhmmm...nope. Too much hair. Wayyyyy too much hair. I hate it when I've got hair stuck between my teeth or on my tongue after a blowjob...*yuck*

And how do you want to lick cheesecake off that without getting a mouthful of fur??

Try again

Fine, fine, fine...

Is THIS what you want?

uh...I mean...hunky, but don't get it wrong, a little thickness is still good.

I HATE Brad Pitt!!!!

Chain him naked to me, and I'll piss until the chains rust and I can get out of there......*ugh*

How can you hate Brad Pitt? I'm a straight, heterosexual male and even I would let him inside of me. If he wanted to drizzle McDonald's Sweet & Sour sauce all over my body, I'd let him. Mmm, McDooooonald's...