Chef,

I am as I believe you Americans say digging your work fo shizzle.

Should those words ever be uttered by a 31 year old white englishman?

So have you been to see the strippers yet, if so did the young lady (no doubt doing it to pay her way through college wink, wink) keep you entertained?

Oh well I will be stopping by in future as you are a funny man and work is slow.

i'll chime in on the "nice guy" bit. You want to know the reasons "nice guys" never get anywhere? I'll tell you, since i'm one of those "nice guys" with a twist. Nice guys lack two things that women need in man that attract them to the "bad boys". Being stern and having confidence. Nice guys, try to appease the woman too much, never standing ground, which ties into them being self conscious about themselves, which is a total turn off. I'm not saying there is no room for compromise, but sometimes, a woman likes to feel like her man is in control and make some decisions with out asking, but also with out demanding. Even when it comes to eating, nice guys will always ask the girl what she wants to eat. But sometimes, just saying, "I'm thinking we'll have subway (keep it somewhat healthy, it is a weight loss form lol) tonight and watch a movie together". She can disagree, but she'll like that you took point and made some plan. Also speak with confidence, meaning believe in yourself and what you believe, without being pretentious about it. In my recent dating, before finding my current girlfriend. the last three women i dated, were turned on by how well spoken and confident i was. I'm still a nice guy, don't get me wrong, i don't smoke, drink, or swear, but I am confident in who i am and what i can do for the women i date(d), and they love it. any woman feel free to correct me, as this is just off my experiences. but i'm pretty sure i'm right.

What's to be confident about? I mean, what exactly is confidence building about getting walked all over by women for your entire life, being used for your generosity, genuine love and humble kindness? What exactly is confidence building about being lied to, taken advantage of and getting exploited for your gentlemanly nature? I've been trampled on by every single woman that I've ever met for one reason and one reason only - I'm a great guy (in the sense of romance, relationship, women, etc). My problems aren't because I lack confidence, because I've been treated like shit for my whole life - confident or not.

Also, being stern won't get you anywhere either. I'm very passionate and dead set on my morals, values and beliefs and, when I'm in a relationship, I don't back down on any of them. I'm not rude, I'm not controlling and I'm not an asshole when I stand up and stay firm with my values, yet...women think that I'm being rude, controlling and an asshole when I'm "stern".

Here's the thing...just because you don't smoke, drink or swear doesn't make you a nice guy. In fact, I know a ton of guys who don't smoke, drink or swear that are extremly huge assholes who do nothing but treat women like scumbags. This is exactly what's wrong with society and this is exactly why nice guys are fucked (obviously, not in a literal, sexual sense) - people think things like not swearing makes them nice, desirable or even better than other people. When, in all reality, it doesn't mean a fucking thing.

Women have told me over and over and over again how great I am. They tell me that I'm smart, funny, genuine, humble, romantic, warm, comforting, trustworthy, dedicated, easy to talk to, thoughtful, spontaneous, loving..."perfect". I've been told over and over and over again by women that they are looking for a guy who is exactly like me; that any woman in the world would be lucky to have me. Yet, I'm all alone. Why? Because, nice guys finish last because we're nice - not because we avoid being stern or lack confidence, or even because we lack the qualities in which women find desirable in a perfect mate - it's because we're nice.

FYI - The description of "nice" varies from person to person, which doesn't help our cause. My ex-girlfriend ruined my life and she knows it. Yet, I'll never tell her that she ruined my life because I don't want the rest of her life to be filled with self-loathing and self-hatred. Even though she completely deserves to be told off, I will never do such a thing. I'll keep my mouth shut for the rest of my life, even though it kills me a little bit each day when I withhold my anger with her, just so she can have a happy future for herself. I'm no hero or anything for doing so, but...that's the definition of being a nice guy. Yet, I'm looked at as being weak, insecure and cowardly for doing such a thing. Ironic, huh?

When a nice guy is genuinely being a nice guy, people (especially women) think that there is some underlying issue to their kindness. Why does being nice always have to be something more than that? Why can't it just be nice? I have my problems, but I'm a "nice guy" because I'm a NICE GUY - I'm not playing some sort of angle and I'm not trying to cover up some sort of personality flaw - I'm just a nice guy who wants to treat women with respect. But, at the end of the day, I'll be sleeping alone while the guys who cheat on, ignore, talk down to, beat up and just plain disrespect their girlfriends get to lie down next to somebody who cares for them. How is that fair?

/RANT

Why do I ever bother here....? lol silly me, I have never been responded to in this diary, once ever. I will stop trying. Later All.

Rant away my friend, but what i say is true. That's great that you know people who don't smoke drink or swear, be let me assure you I don't think i'm better than a single person on this planet. Its part of the house i was raised in as my mom did none of that. I know what a nice guys is. Its all the same. I was like that too. Like i said, nice guys try too hard to appease women, and ALLOW themselves to be walked all over by women. Disagree with me all you want but its true. And no to be mean. your post in hear alone shows a lack of confidence in yourself, so you are only helping me prove me my point. The reason you can't blame your girlfriend for ruining your life, is because you would be allowing her too. Look man i used to be like that. I didn't have my first girlfriend until i was 26, and i'm 28 now. You are a nice guy, but you have soo much self pity, seen by the fact that you still talk about how bad your life is thanks to that ex of yours. I'm not juding you for it, its fine people deal how they deal, but to tell me you don't fot the description i just posted is you lying to yourself. I don't hide behind my flaws, i embrace them. I can be very sarcastic, and i am very blunt. I don't sugar coat much, because it takes more words and time i don't need to waste to sugar coat something when i can just out and say it. Do i try and do better, sometime, but most times not so much. When i say be stern about things, I'm not talking about religion and crap, its about putting yourself before the girl every so often. Nice guys try toooo hard, and come off desperate. your typical nice guy. Nice guys have parasitic relationships, where they are attached to the women to a point of dependence, instead of a symbiotic one, where you feed off each other. You know we have a hallmark holiday that you may celebrate in chi-town called sweetest day. Its like a poor man's valentine's day. I took my gf for a horse carriage ride around the river where we had our first day. Most of my friends called me gay lol, but you know what i'm a great guy and i know when to lay it on for my lady. I'm as nice and empathetic as they come, but i'm also very blunt and just out there. I'll be honest with you. when i started losing weight it hit me that i can do anything i put my mind too, and with that train of thought my confidence went up. magically i've dated 4 women since may, and had to turn down a couple because i'm taken now. I've fat, but you know what i'm making strides moving forward, full of confidence and respect. and the ladies love it. You can hate me all you want, but what i say is truth. You don't have the confidence you think you have, and if you do, you aren't showing it on this form. Like i said, i'm not judging, i'm telling you what i see to give you something to reflect on. You Say you been trampled by women your whole life for one reason only, which is true, but its not the reason you said. Its becasue you try so hard to appease the woman, you forget about your won self worth. Which is lacking confidence. You need have enough confidence and self worth to not allow a woman to trample over you, because it it happens, like i said earlier its because you allowed to in hopes for something real? i don't know. You need to start looking out for you and your kindess be the weward for they care as opposed to running arouns with you heart on your sleeve. If i didn't think i was being helpful, and i may not, i wouldn't have wasted this time typing all this to you at 6 am when i could already be at the gym working out. No disrespect intended, i just felt i needed to retort for you to have a better understanding what i mean.

In another note, i've date a "nice girl" and her loyalties and dedication to me was so overwhelming, she didn't give me time to develop feelings and it was a total turn off. I could do no wrong in her eyes. Everything was her fault argh! so annoying. so yeah. She was a great woman, but she just was too much.

It has been crossing my mind who you remind me of, then it suddenly appeared.

The late great William (Bill) Melvin Hicks. Take that as a compliment mmmkay.

I never said that I was currently confident. I used to be, but, like I said...what is to be confident about?

Also, my girlfriend has already ruined my life - telling her wouldn't change that. I'm not "allowing" her to ruin my life either. It's already happened and there's nothing I can do about. So, since I'm a "nice guy", I'm not going to ruin HER life as well by telling her what she did.

I don't pity myself, I don't feel sorry for myself and I'm not looking for any sympathy from anybody. I talk about how much my life sucks because it's the INTERNET. I use it the same way that everybody else uses it; to vent (and, also...porn, HAHAHA). But, we all use the internet to vent, which is exactly what I'm doing when I talk about how much my life sucks and, it's also exactly what you're doing when you make extremely long posts in other people's journals, telling them that they're wrong about something. Would you dare say all of that to my face if we were in the same room? No, you wouldn't. But, since it's the internet, you're comfortable in being honest - which is exactly what I am doing when I talk about how my life sucks a big set of tangy balls.

See, like I said in my last post...why can't being nice just be being nice and be left at that? Our society has twisted genuine kindness and care into a form of desperation. Why?

If I hold open a door for a women, I'm not doing it because I'm trying too hard; I'm doing it because I'm a gentleman. Yet, the woman that I'm holding the door for will probably look at me as if there's something wrong with me, as if I'm trying too hard. I'm NOT trying too hard, but most people will convince themselves that I am. The problem isn't my kindness - it's everybody else's perception of my kindness. (Insert response of "See, you're blaming everybody else instead of taking responsibility yourself", or something to that effect here.)

I'm aware of Sweetest Day. I uh, I actually used to work at a Hallmark. Shut up.

I don't have confidence anymore. Well, let me rephrase that. I do have confidence...

I'm confident that girls use me.
I'm confident that people take advantage of my kindness.
I'm confident that society makes people very unenjoyable.
I'm confident that I have a small penis.
I'm confident that the can of clam chowder I had for dinner is about to come back and haunt me...so, I'm going to go make some brown tear drops in the toilet.

(Seriously, don't eat Campbell's Chunky Clam Chowder. )

ok man, you feel the way you feel and that's that. The only thing i will say is that i wouldn't care if you were 1 inch from my face, i would tell you exactly what i said plus more. I don't hide the web to say what i need to say, i couldn't care less about how you felt afterwards, in person or not. I hold my tongue for no one. you disagree and that's fine. you have a right to. and i can live with it. but please, I only meant good by what i said, and telling to your face would actually be better, because you would hear the seriousness and sincerity in my tone. but no worries. that why this is YOUR journal. I knew i was over-stepping my boundaries posting in this thread in the first place, but i felt it needed to be said. i hope you take something from it and if you don't well whatever.

hey there chefchi....


Just thought id stop by to say hello but it does appear that you and Clare are in a pissing match... so i wont stay long!!!


I wanted to see how things were going for you and check in. Looks like you are bummed a bit... feeling a little down... hating bitches right now hehe.


Only thought i have is this:


You are only happy once you are happy with YOU. i struggle with that myself at least. Another person wont make you happy..... and if they seem to be a total bitch aside from that and ARE making you unhappy....

well... drop it like its hot hehe.


I hope to see you around on here soon with your chin up. Id say its ok to vent online...i do it all the time. We all view life differently..... some get mopey when they vent... some angry... some say silly stuff to release tension.

do what you need to do. We are your friends and are here from you. Clarence was trying to help i think..... but sometimes we just need to get things off our chest and be heard.


glad i stopped by and hope i at least cheered you up with my presence LMAO.

riiiight hehe.


well im off to disappear again.... havent been onhere much lately... too much life going on keeping me busy. BOO!!!

take care buddy!!

You weren't overstepping any boundaries. I just posted when I was in a bad mood, which I shouldn't do. No hard feelings. I was just a little heated (and sick) when I responded to what you were saying, so I definitely came off as being rude and probably a little angry. But, like I said, no hard feelings.

If it was an actual pissing match, I'd probably win. I took this pee the other day - NO JOKE - that lasted a good 73 seconds or so. God, it was A-MA-ZING. And, a little creepy. But, I felt like a whole new man when I was done; a man with a smaller bladder.

Anyway...

I need to get my ass back in gear. I've been pretty sick lately, so I haven't done much working out. But, I HAVE been watching what I eat...get thrown up 15 minutes after I eat it. BADA BING!!! God, I hate being sick. I never just get a cold, you know? When I get sick, I'm SIIIIICK. I can't breathe, my throat swells up, my chest tightens and my stomach doesn't even like the idea of having food in it. Neither does my bunghole, for that matter. Uuuuummmmm...yeah.

So, I need to get back on track with my weight loss. If I feel good enough by Monday, I'll start up again then. If not, then I'll probably just continue to lay here on my futon, throwing up into a bucket. A brown, 37 year old, plastic bucket. Seriously, this thing is ooooold. I wonder how much puke has been in it before. Hmm, gross. OH MY GOD, you know what I just realized? I used to fill up this bucket with soapy water and wash my car with it. SICK!!! I was washing my car with a PUKE BUCKET? SIIIIIGH...no wonder it always smelled like rotten tacos and dingleberries. Oh, and farts.

Wow, so...I've always known that my life is pretty lame, but it has totally hit a new level tonight. I just got done watching THE PROPOSAL with my mom and dad. SIGH, yes...it's Friday night and I watched a romantic comedy with MY PARENTS. But, Sandra Bullock is sort of naked in the movie for a few minutes, which is kind of nice. I mean, she's older than she used to be, but she still looks pretty good. Oh, and you also get to see the side of Ryan Reynolds' buttcheek. Yeah, how 'bout that?

Anyway, I think I'll take down some NyQuil and watch a few episodes of Roseanne. You know, I've always found Roseanne to be very underrated. Personally, I think it's hilaaaaarious. John Goodman? C'mooooon!!! He's fucking hysterical!!! And, he's fat. So, it makes me feel like we have something in common, you know? Now, if he also has a small penis, than our comparisons start to get a little creepy. I mean, uhhhhh...it's huge. Yeah, it's so big that it scares me. Yup, sooooo...yeah.

SIGH...

Alright, today is a new day. Yup, it sure is. But, I guess that everybody already knows that. Umm, anyway...what I meant was, today is the start of a new week. SIGH, no, a new beginning. NO, SIGH...you already knew that too. I mean...DAMNIT!!! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!

I'm getting myself back on track today. I got up this morning and felt pretty good for the first time in a while. Maybe it was the good night sleep I had, maybe it was the perfectly comfortable way I was laying all night or maybe it was the Top 10 quality stroke that I rewarded myself with last night before I went to bed. WHO KNOWS? But, I felt really good this morning and, quite honestly, I feel even better right now.

I ate a nice, light breakfast, watched a little TV, cleaned up my room a bit and then had a nice little jog. I only ran for 10 minutes (because I haven't really worked out in a few weeks and my heart felt like it was going to explode inside of my fat chest cavity), but it felt really, really good. I feel...eh, awake? Yeah, like...awake and sort of, umm, more aware of everything. I don't know, I just feel like my brain and my body are really in tune with one another right now. It feels pretty good. Not as good as the stroke session I had with myself last night, but still pretty good.

Well, I have some work to do. I'm going to clean downstairs, wash down the kitchen and then work on my book for a while before I start dinner. I'm making churasco, which is a traditional Ecuadorian dish that goes as follows (it sounds gross, but it's the best thing you'll ever eat in your life, maybe)...

On the bottom of the plate, you place a layer of fries. On top of the fries, place thin slices of steak (I use NY strip steak or sirloin) and then top the steak with caramelized onions, guacamole and an over easy egg (it has to be an over easy egg, because the idea is to use the warm yolk as a sauce). You can also add sour cream if you wish, but I don't.

See? It sounds kind of weird/gross, but trust me...it's DE-LICIOUS. Ok, think of me naked while I'm gone...byeeeee.

Lmao... you crack me up boy!!!!!!!!

i love how you share with the forum every time you "spank it"

long time no see....

life is nuts - haven't been on.

glad to see you've been here relatively consistently!

how are things going now?

Where the hell are you?