For those of you who don't know me, allow me to tell you a little bit about myself.
I'm a 27 year old male with a
little bit of a weight problem (said in a Chris Farley voice). I wasn't
always a
fat little cherub though. I used to be in really good shape. Growing up, I loved the game of baseball. I lived and breathed baseball for a long, long time. I played catcher and, to be honest, I was really, really good. I don't mean to boast, but, I was so good that I was scouted my MLB teams from the time I was 14 years old. While I was still in high school, I was offered an athletic scholarship to LSU (Louisiana State University), which has always been the college of my dreams. My life was great. But, then I met a girl...
Long story short, I met a girl, fell in love and sacrificed absolutely everything to be with her; LSU, baseball, my future, my dream. I planned on marrying her, having kids, a white picket fence and every other cliche thing you can think of. Well, after 3 years of dating, she dumped my ass. Boom, just like that. Oh, it was over the phone too, which was very nice and respectful of her. Anyway, she was gay. She had just pretended to be straight and dated me so she could feel "normal" and not like an outcast. So, needless to say, I took the break up very,
very hard.
I had
no clue how to deal with what I was feeling, so I turned to things that comforted me. Those two things were alcohol and food. I drank almost every night, just trying to bury the things I was feeling inside. Even though it never worked (and still hasn't), I still kept trying and trying and trying. But, nothing made the pain go away. It just kept festering inside of me, eating at every shred of hope that I had left. Eventually, my hope was devoured and it left me feeling worthless, helpless, scared and alone;
very alone.
As time went by, and my downward spiral continued to worsen, it got so bad that I actually tried to kill myself. I didn't want to live anymore, as I didn't even have a reason to wake up in the morning;
not even breakfast, which is sad, considering I'm a
fat bitch. So, I grabbed a knife, got undressed and hopped into the shower. I put the blade to my wrist and started to cut. For some reason, I glanced up and caught a look at myself in the mirror. As soon as I saw myself slicing my wrist, I instantly realized how fucking stupid I was being. I dropped the knife, but it was too late. I had already slit my wrist.
I was too embarassed to call for help, so I just grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my wrist as tight as I could to try and stop the bleeding. I was bleeding everywhere and I thought I was going to die. I remember crying more that night than I had ever cried before. I just felt so helpless and undeserving of any help, so I curled up into a ball and literally cried myself to sleep. Miraculously, I woke up in the morning.
To this day, I have passed off the scar on my wrist as a burn scar. My parents don't know about my suicide attempt and neither do my friends. Honestly, I don't want them to know, but I'm sure I'll man up and tell them about it someday.
Anyway, that was the beginning of a new life for me. I picked myself up, got my shit together and started to make things better for myself. I ended up signing up for culinary school and moving out here to Chicago. I graduated near the top of my class, I met a ton of awesome friends and I was living a new dream. That is, until the reality of it all began to set in.
After graduation, all of my friends moved back to their respective home towns. So, here I was, in a city full of millions and millions of people, but still alone. I lost all of my friends and work began to consume my life. As a chef, I worked 6 days a week and 80-90 hours a week at a
minimum. There were stretches in which I would work 20-25 full length days without getting a break. It was hard; REALLY hard. My loneliness started consuming my life and things started getting bad again, if you know what I mean. So, I knew that something needed to be done.
What needed to be done? I'm moving back home to Cleveland where my friends and family are. That way, I won't be alone anymore. Also, I need to lose some mother fucking weight. Yeah, that's right;
mother fucking weight.
Playing baseball kept me in really good shape, as I took playing the game quite seriously. I would work out all the time and keep my
body in a very athletic condition. Ever since I quit playing (for that
stupid bitch 
), I've done nothing but gain weight and lose respect for myself. I just let myself get really out of shape by avoiding exercise of any kind and eating and eating and eating. Is it wrong to say that I'm hungry right now? HAHAHA, anyway, I'm a
fat poop sack and I need to get healthy again.
So, this is where my journey begins. Where do I want my journey to
end? Hopefully inside of a vagina. God, I haven't had sex in
so long, you know? Apparently, women don't want to put their hands on men who look like a tan water balloon that's over-filled with spoiled milk. Yeah, that's what I look like, seriously. It's gross.
When I joined this forum, I didn't really know what I was looking for. But, I think I found it. People have been so cool here and it honestly serves as inspiration for me. The first person to say "hi" to me was Michelley85 (
<-- that's like a semi-gay wave, just so you know) and we decided to have a friendly contest with one another, as we both have weddings to go to in September. Well, the contest has blossomed into something quite awesome. Eww, that kind of rhymes and I don't like it. Anyway, our contest is sweet and I plan on losing a lot of weight by participating in it. Good luck to everybody who joined, but you're all going to be my bitches by the end of it. MWWUUUAHAHAHA!!!
Alright, with all of that being said, I just want to say one thing...
You read all of that? HAHAHAHA,
really? Don't you have anything better to do? No? You don't? Eh, me either.
Anyway, I don't plan on making this journal full of nothing but serious talk. I mean, sure, I'll get serious at times, but there will be plenty of joking around and laughs to be had here. I believe that laughter really
is the best medicine, even though it can't do anything important like
cure cancer or make my penis bigger. Seriously, it's so small. If I put my naked penis inside of a pond, I would probably catch a lot of fish because they would probably confuse my garbage with a grub worm.
Umm, what?
Ok, so the contest I'm in starts on April 6th and it runs until September 7th. I don't know what my current weight is, because I don't own a scale, but I'll know in a few weeks when I move back in with my parents. Oh yeah, did I mention that? I'm 27 and I'm moving back in with my parents. So, who wants to have sex with me
now? Anyway, I don't know how much I currently weigh, but I assume it's around 250 lbs. By September 7th, I would like to be down to around 200 lbs. If that doesn't happen, it's ok. I'm just shooting for the stars with that.
Realistically, I would be really happy if I get down to 215 lbs.
So, that's my
goal, bitches. If you don't like it, you can suck my balls. They're kind of dry anyway, so they could use the moisture.
Feel free to stop by to see how I'm doing or just to get a few giggles. Either way, just make sure you wipe the dog poop off of your shoes before you come in.
Oh, here are some "before" pictures. Get a garbage can ready if you look at them because you'll probably throw up. Don't say I didn't warn you...
http://i44.tinypic.com/iz8get.jpg http://i44.tinypic.com/ix5j5u.jpg http://i43.tinypic.com/2v29ri1.jpg http://i41.tinypic.com/34834i1.jpg 
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