Ok so this probably won't make much sense until I show what I eat...getting to that,

I've been trying to eat at 2200 calories/day, that seems very difficult on most days. Now I've looked up BMR instead of listening to others which I know they're only trying to help. It comes to depending of course on exercise/day and what ever else I do. 1300-2300 cals/day.

I am in the process of waiting for a call from a Nutritionist. ( A Referral from my Doctor has been made) It is a difficult matter in that I do exercise daily, but that's about ALL OF THE MOVEMENT I am doing for now.

I am just frustrated as I usually do make things harder than they are. When I RESTRICT OR CUT BACK on eating, I feel like I am starving. I get dizzy, faint-ish, ect and I feel this way at 1000-1400 cals. I really don't know what I am doing.

I try not to argue with those of you whom are trying to help, but I find there are just sooo many variables. I've been told if you're hungry, eat more, if you're not dropping any weight, eat less. Where does this lie for me??

I haven't starved myself purposely for about a year, so force-feeding myself is sometimes what I need to do. I still binge eat, and it usually happens when I dissociate...and yet when I am dissociating, I KNOW WHEN I AM DOING SO...I just went through that process this evening. Trying to talk myself through it, why am I eating another bowl of rice krispies cereal? Am I truly dissociating? Or am I truly hungry? Because I feel hungry...I am pouring this milk, I am focusing on my breathing, I am not tuning out any sounds around me. But I guess if I am thinking these things, I shouldn't be eating?? (ok so just thinking outloud) because I am pretty sure that most of you whom read this passage, might be WTF is she saying??

Ok so for eating better and exercising for the past 6 months, I do have more energy, feel happier, stay warmer longer, my appetite has increased again, I have lost some weight, the weight is coming off ssssllllloooowwwwllllyyy, but coming off.

First Pic, Dec 26/08 WEIGHT: 155 lbs, 2nd set of pics Feb 26/09 150 lbs, 3rd set of pics March 26/09 148 lbs, I'd forgotten I was at that weight because I have been sitting at 150 lbs for the past 3-4 weeks, I have only just gone back to 148 lbs in the last few days here, AND that is why I am frustrated. Plus I know I need to get back to running outside! I just have to DO IT. I am having a HECK of a time with this. (sorry for the venting)

I also apologize for the lightening I know that can make a huge difference in how pictures look. Also that I do not have full body pictures, I do have other problem areas, such as my legs, upper arms, ect..

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and the last for those of whom will argue that they can't see any "FAT".

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Hey girl how is the weight loss going? Have you thought of using a personal trainer to help you drop the last few pounds and tone up?

Hello tropicalgirl, well there was this Boot Camp thing that I wanted to do, it's 5 weeks, for an hour a day, with a max of 20 ppl, all fitness levels, and or different levels too.

I am not sure about a personal trainer, although that would most likely be my best bet. I have thought about it, but never looked into it. About a month ago on the news they were showing something to do with a "In House Personal Trainer" that wasn't too costly, I didn't watch it. ahha I should have.

Right now I am trying to just up my energy level, I think I am doing really good with it. I have been feeling overwhelmed with a lot of things and have been self-sabotaging a lot lately--sticking to that "old routine/old behavior"

I hope you are doing well. Will talk with you soon. Thanks for stoppin in!!

How are you doing?

pff you look great ,hun. that´s almost nothing! maybe that´s why it seems so hard, the last pounds are tricky.
there are too many options out there and some won´t fit you. if you are feeling hungry then you should add a bit more. maybe it depends on the foods you add. are you having enough complex carbs? those are great for your energy levels. the calories are one thing but the things we eat is other, and you never should feel bad in a diet. it is supposed to be a life style you could keep up with and your happiness comes first.
so listen to yourself and your body first.

I still think you look stunning! I wish that was all the fat I had I´d be jumping up and down screaming: ha! I am hot!
lol

It most likely does depend on the foods I am eating. I feel like I am ALWAYS eating. I don't eat the "right" foods most of the time, even though it is a concern, it just isn't my goal right now. Just eating is my goal. I know that sounds really contradictory but it has a lot to do with this blah "illness" ( I don't like excuses).

Plus I know it most likely has to do with not getting enough Meat/Protein, I am not a Vegetarian but I could damn well be one. I only really eat meat when I am out. That would be the bad meats, like Wendy's TRIPLE CHEESE BURGER. OR a STEAK AND EGGS. Haha BUT at home the sight of raw meat makes me wanna hurl, the smell of raw meat cooking makes me wanna hurl, and by the time I get to eating it, I WON'T. I can cook and eat fish so I guess..YAY! Oh I eat eggs, but not the yolk, I strain that out. I'd rather eat the placenta than the baby. LMAO SICK!

DARN, I have been waiting for the snow to go, so it's not icy outside on the sidewalks, bike paths...and than I waited too long, and got back on that high anxiety board and wouldn't leave my home. Yesterday I went out for a run, it felt super Awesome!! And you know what would happen, it started to snow yesterday afternoon (after 2-3 weeks of no snow)...and it's still snowing!! Thankfully it melts as it hits the sidewalks. ANOTHER YAY! uh..*sarcasm* I've been watching the temperature...-6 degrees celcius right now, I am killing time for the next hour and a half, I am ready for this morning's Run!!

Amiba..I don't even know what carbs really are, nor what complex-carbs are...if you could help me out with that, that'd be SUPER AWESOMENESS like a bunch of HOLY SMOKING COWS!!!

I'm only hot when I wear makeup and have my hair done other than that I look like an ugly boy....thank goodness for this new society..they're head over heels for what's inside rather than on the outside" Beauty is only skin deep, but mine comes from within..SO THERE SOCIETY!!! <<<more sarcasm^^^

I have had a craving for my favorite candy for the past month or so...NIBS!!

Anyone have any suggestions for head phones/ear phone pieces for an ipod shuffle?, the ones mine came with were great! They're super clear, but when I run, they fall out basically..driving me nuts. I NEED MY MUSIC. Plus the louder the better!

Hey! Sounds like you struggle in much the same way as I do when it comes to binging and "dissociating". I have talked myself throught the entire thing, but in that moment there is NOTHING I can tell myself that will stop the binge (also usually an extra bowl of cereal, second helping of supper, peanut butter sandwich - all healthy, but not when it's more than I need!)

I'd be glad to give you a short nutritional lecture... basic breakdown of food groups and their "ideal ratios" to one another. Gimme a day or two to go rummage for my notes somewhere on forum or in email (I've given them to others before, hehe so yeah )

Hello Ankebuzz, thanks that would be very nice of you. I just came across my "Canadian Food Guide" that was given to me by my therapist...I have yet to look at it, maybe I should hang it on my wall. I also have a book called "Foods that Harm, Foods that Heal" by Readers Digest. I've looked through it on occassion.

You can drop it here if you like too, maybe a passerbyer or lurker might use the info as well. The Ripple Effect...

Thanks for poppin in

haha pff make up or no make up. you can't fool me
but really if I was at the point you are with your weight I would be screaming , jumping up and down and saying: haha suuuuckers

complex carbs are what you find mostly in some root vegetables, some fruits, beans, lentils and whole grain bread to name a few. so rather than having regular pasta, have brown pasta. or a home made pita-pizza. yogurt and fruit instead of cake.
high fiber is also an integral part of any diet to promote a healthy digestive system.
and it also keeps you full longer which would definitely help to prevent the dizziness and hunger without messing with your diet plan.

simple carbs on the other hand, are high in sugar and add little to none health benefits. for example white flour (white bread, cakes, pie, donuts.. all the yummy stuff ) candy, soft drinks, table sugar. processed foods like french fries.
hope this helps!

Mmm Simple Carbs...back to the good ole days...drooooooooooool

Thanks Amiba, that did help. Are you going to bake me a cake now? I could really get in on the whole mud wrestling championships!!! So that means I get a VIP too??? ZOMG!!

haha of course!
mmmh whole grain cake. we don't have enough of those around
sweetie you were a VIP in the instant you decided to join! and it was decided that jell-o was better, especially sugar free. haha

btw I am very proud of you. you might think it is weird coming from a stranger, but it is one that had a well, weird eating habits, as well- but to the other extreme- an emotional binger. having a bit more control over my food means the world now.
the fact that you are eating is amazing and yes, I am proud!

**gigglez** like a lil school girl....

ok I'll just have to use my own lil tub of mud///I actually do this when I am at the beach, I dig a huge hole, and mush some water with the sand in it, and when the sun heats it up, I sit in it!! ...I HATES jell-o...looks like boogers! (when it gets mushed)

Whole Grain cake...ew, I think there was some company that tried to use low fat to no sugar's and tofu in their cakes, hmm, lemme look.

I am weird so tis okay.
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I guess I am just worried today too, because I am dropping lbs now, and when I used to drop lbs it was because I was starving and than of course when I'd eat again (junk & what not) I'd gain it back double the amount. So now it just feels surreal, I am worried that these lbs are not really coming off for healthy reasons and that they will just come back..

Ok so I didn't get my run in this morning, because the sidewalks were icy. Now it's melted, so hopefully tomorrow morning. Although I did get in my 30mins mini-stepper.

Don't let your mind trick you into sabotaging yourself... It's not worth it, and you DO deserve to be healthy and happy and at peace with food!

Focus on the things that make you LOVE LIFE!!!

Thanks Ankebuzz!! I know it's most likely my negativity speaking, because I am eating (& eating better) and I have been exercising everyday for the past month and a half and exercising since last Nov, I am even having daily bowel movements!! Which is ew, but I only ever did maybe once every few weeks. So YAY! And as long as I can keep food in this house, cuz I go through it super fast, I WILL NOT SELF-SABOTAGE (at least not for eating)

P.S. Yay My Weight had been wavering from 148-153 lbs for a while, now it's been wavering at 145-150 lbs for the past week!! I AM SOO EXCITED!!