I'm new at this diary stuff, but I thought I'd give it a go and perhaps gain further insight into the hows and whys of my fatty fat mcfatness.

So far I've lost 123 pounds and I'm a little more than 1/2 way to my goal. It's been a ridiculous ride for me and suddenly I find myself facing things that I haven't had to deal with because I hid behind my weight. I cannot believe I am going to admit this here, but here it goes... I haven't had sex (besides with myself lol) in 12 years!!!!!!!! Sure I could have a few times, but I sort of lived by the philosophy that just because I was fat and single, did not make me desperate. To be honest, it's only lately that I've given it considerable thought and that's because my libido is baaaack in full force. Admittedly, at my heaviest, and probably due to some depression and hormone fluctuation, I didn't have a sex drive at all, but now I do and I don't know quite how to cope with it.

Men are noticing me again, and I find myself utterly incapable of responding. I'm only 33 years old. WTF is wrong with me? I feel so strong and confident in most every area of my life now but this particular subject. When it comes to boy meets girl, I feel like I'm in the 3rd grade again. Is this a normal process or should I go join a nunnery somewhere??

Just wanted to stop by and welcome you to the forum and a huge CONGRATS on losing 123 lbs. The is a truely amazing accomplishment. I'm sure you feel great.

This is a great place for motivation and support.

As far as the boy situation goes, just be yourself and things will happen. Don't worry about it. If it is meant to be, he will be attracted to the true you.

Keep us posted on your progress.

Matt

Hey ymcachick! WElcome to the forums! Glad to see you start a journal! Wow..what a fantastic job you have done so far!!! Amazing! You deserve a huge round of applause!

Re the sex thing.. I kind of know what you mean, a lot of women put on weight in an attempt to hide from unwanted sexual advances apparently.. I once had a Psychologist tell me I did this.. he was probably right. What the answer is I don't know - perhaps we have to learn to be total bitches to men who act inappropriately!

And yeah.. the not knowing how to respond is not just you.. lots of women don't! Maybe you are just not ready.. or maybe you are the type of gal who is never going to go for random sexual encounters, and wants a steady relationship before you will be comfortable sexually.

I would suggest if this is really something of great concern that you seek a Counsellor who is well versed in Sex issues to have a chat with.

Anyway.. I wish you well with all parts of your journey! Thanks for sharing your story with us

Hey YMCA,

OMG, 123 lbs LOST!! Amazing!!

And I can totally relate to what you're saying in the sex department. I am not really confident about myself in the weight department, so I have been single for a looong time as well. I'm 27 years old, we're not too far apart in age. And there have been guys that are interested in me, and I kinda feel that some of them had FAT fetishes. lol. I don't want to be anyone's fetish and I want the guy to be okay with me wanting to lose weight. And I totally agree about not being desparate. I definitely have a desire to be in a relationship, but I'm not just gonna settle for any guy just because I'm heavy.

I think this IS a normal process for overweight women that have been insecure because of their weight, and thus making them single, and then having to start at the beginning. A lot of overweight women are completely comfortable in their skin and they have just as much sex and relationship as thinner girls.

A whole bunch of things are gonna be thrown our way when we lose a lot of weight. Things that we haven't had to deal with. Seems like since you've lost so much weight, you're already starting to see.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Have a good night!

Hi Matt, thanks for the welcome and the words of encouragement. I've been looking around the forum and this does seem like a great place to get the support I need to make it the rest of the way. Stop by again soon.

Hiya Kori, thank you too for the very nice welcome! I'm not sure if I put on the weight because of unwanted sexual advances, I think I put on the weight for many reasons, but mostly because I ate too much and moved too little and thus a cycle was born. I think a consequence of my weight gain was losing out on not only relationships with men, but also friendships with those of both genders. Like any addiction, I started isolating myself and before you know it, the phone stops ringing and people stop inviting you places after their invitations are constantly rejected. I know it sounds pretty pathetic, but that was my life for a long time.

Anyway, given my libido, I could definitely go for a random fling lol, but I'm not entirely sure that's the sensible thing to do. It's funny you mentioned a therapist, because I do see one on a bi-weekly basis. I guess my post here was just me sorting out what I'll probably bring up at our next session. I've never been a person who was fond of shrinks, but I have to admit that seeing this therapist has been instrumental to my success. In a way, I'm losing more than my weight. I'm losing an old life filled with lots of bad habits that aren't so easy to break, but I'm getting there and I'm a hell of a lot more self-aware than I've ever been before in my life. So, here's to hoping the best of it is yet to come!

lol Dreamingblue! I KNOW the ones who wanted to get with me at my heaviest had a fat fetish, and like you, I didnt/do not want to be anyone's fetish, or worse yet, find compromising pictures of me posted on the chubby parade website!

Your post makes perfect sense though. I think you're right that it is probably a very normal process, and eventually I'll come into my own.

I did recently read an article that said larger women actually get laid more than skinny chicks. lol. I had to laugh a bit given my current circumstances!

I think what worries me the most is that I carry my weight well (even now) with clothing on, and I suspect that as I continue to lose weight, I'll continue to carry it well. The thing is, looking good in clothes is one thing, being nude is another. So say a guy checks me out and likes what he sees (with my clothes on)... I mean, shit. Am I false advertising here? lol. I'm probably overthinking this, in fact, at this rate, I'll probably think myself into an early grave.

Oh well, you have a good night too!

Bingo!!! You are so over thinking this. Enjoy your new life. Why did you lose all the weight? For someone else? Hell no. You did it for you.


Matt

A very good call there Matt!!!

That is funny about the Fatter chicks LOL.. I remember I had a flatmate who was so skinny, and pretty, she used to get so pissed off that I had a constant stream of admirers and she could barely get a date LOL mind you I wasn't really FAT then, more a bit overweight.. but yeah, I think a lot of normal guys like a woman with a BIT of flesh on them

They say also that bigger women have more powerful orgasms.. dunno if that is true or not - but it's a nice thing to contemplate!!!! LOL hehehehehe

Well, if that's true, I gotta rethink this whole weight losing thing. LOL, I'm kidding!

Haha Matt, you're absolutely right. For the first time in my life I am being completely selfish and it feels fantastic! My mom says I'm obsessed, my response is "Well, shouldn't I be?" But yeah, back to your point, I'm not losing this weight for anyone but me, me, and me.

lol Kori, an old male friend of mine put it this way when the topic of having sex with fat v. skinny came up: "Screwing a skinny girl is like sticking your d--k in a bag of antlers."

lol @ dreamingblue. I might join you there! Although, get this, I actually had one guy want to get with me because he said, and this is a direct quote, "big girls know how to eat, so they have better control over their mouths" LOL I nearly spit my drink all over the guy, which would have blown (no pun intended) his theory out the door!

First of all welcome and WOW on your weightloss... you have lost almost an entire ME! I can't even fathom it. Well done!

Second of all, I felt uncomfortable having sex when I was at my largest (at 160 pounds not exactly obese!). In fact I am surprised my boysfriend stuck around because for a good year we had sex at the very most once a month... but now that I feel semi-happy with my body it is much easier. A lot of the shame etc... have gone with the pounds and I can do a lot of stuff I was usually embarrassed to do. I am still waiting for the moment I do not subconsciously suck my stomach in when he touches it, but that too will com in time I guess!
And while I do not know about orgasm strength, it is certainly less comfy to have too many bones sticking out during sex! My partner is a very skinny lad and we have had some very very painful hip-bone encounters lately!

Jokingly I have made a list of things that were better when I was fat. One of them being that bone cracking experience! Also I could stand in the ocean without being swept away by not even all that big waves. And I was offered seats on buses because I looked pregnant. That is pretty much my whole list though. The list of things that are better since I have lost most of my weight is WAY longer!

Have a wonderful time on here, I love it and I really truly think that they have helped me stick to my guns! How long have you been losing weight so far? Do you have a "goal" timewise?
Lots of love, Camy

Too funny!

A lesson for us all not to take our weight losses too far!!! (feels like that would be impossible to me anyway LOL I can't imagine being skinny skinny)

Just the thought of that is making me cringe.

I also agree with him. I have never been atracted to skinny girls. They just dont do it for me.

heya,
thanks for stopping by my diary, first of all CONGRATULATIONS on the weightloss! you've lost 123lbs? thats f*cking AMAZING! i'm only on the start of my journey and still have to loose 197pounds, so seeing you've lost that much makes me know that i can do this! it's really inspiring!

second, i can see the sex topic is a HOT debate...lol! i know what you mean about the more weight you loose the higher your sex drive. but i agree with the ladies who've said we shouldn't just settle for any guy just because they're a loser and want to sleep with us or because they have some fat fetish. with all the weight you've lost though if you do find a guy who's decent and you like then GO FOR IT!

so glad i found your diary, i'm definitely hooked! all the best xoxo

Thank you, Camy! Sometimes I can't fathom it either, everything feels so surreal because it's changing so fast. Anyway, to answer your question, I started changing my life and losing weight in September (so about 8 months now). I exercise at the Y for about 2 hours daily. I also do a lot of walking when I'm not at the gym. I do anything to try and stay active and it's really paid off!

Not sure if I mentioned this, but a couple of days ago I had 2 wisdom teeth extracted, which means no strenuous activity for 4 days so I don't dislodge the clot. lol. It's killing me not being able to workout, but it helps that my face is so swollen that I look like Rocky Dennis, which means I don't really want to be seen in public anyway.

lol Kori and Matt, I know people say this a lot, but I really am BIG BONED. I did that wrist thing in the six grade and I couldn't get my fingers to touch. So I set my goal at 140, which puts me on the higher end of a normal BMI. We'll see how I look then. Maybe I'll even have mustered up the guts to show my before/afters!