I am just crashing and burning this week. I have no conscious idea why, and I am feeling bad for not making any progress. I think I am going backwards, honestly. I've been bingeing at night and skipping the fruits and veggies mostly. I do think part of it had to do with having a week's holiday where my schedule was mostly night owl.
Starting this morning though, I now work at 530am every day, so there should be less opportunity for late night snacking because I'll be asleep! And I am riding my bike to work all over the city, so there is some built-in exercise that I am hoping will motivate me to do some more.
My biggest problem is bread. I think I will allow myself 2 slices a day, and then the rest of the time I'll have to find something else.
Today so far, had coffee, two eggs, two pieces of toast and marg, and a tomato with pepper. (I love tomatoes!)

I've received lots of good advice here in the forum about how to get back on track. I guess I'll start trying to take some of it!

So, I have finally had a couple of good days, relatively. Still low on fruit and veg, but at least I haven't binged in two days, and I'm drinking lots of water.
You know what my secret is these last two days?
The piano.

I've been practicing as I've rarely practiced before, even though it was my life for 28 years. I think that the fact that I don't have to do it anymore, after a year of not playing at all is inspiring because I don't have to play for anyone. I am loving just playing for myself and working on technique that I never properly learned because I was too stressed about learning repertoire. Now I am practicing whatever I want, and I have extreme concentration, which feels like a form of meditation. I think it is, honestly. It is mindfulness.

And when I am practicing, all I want is to drink water. It makes me really thirsty. And I don't want my stomach or brain to feel heavy because it impedes my progress, so I am not bingeing. And I am in a generally better headspace because I feel like my life is meaningful at the moment. It is much easier to eat better because life is fun!

I EXERCISED!

It has been awhile. My bum ankle became a bum excuse, but now it is pretty much okay, so I have no excuse anymore.
I did a killer Jillian Michaels workout, you know, the trainer from The Biggest Loser? I didn't even finish it. 30 minutes finished me. I thought I was going to fall over. But I know that this will give me the motivation to do it again. Tomorrow here I come.

AND
I cooked a real dinner. I am not one for cooking for myself. It just doesn't feel fun to cook something I will eat alone. I want to torture others with my cooking
But I made a mushroom/onion/carrot/shrimp/noodle soup and it was delicious and nutritious. Score one for me.

Today is a success, unqualified!

those binges sure are a bitch. and why on earth does alcohol have so many calories? lol. props to you for getting back at it though. sometimes it's tough to recover.

Thanks Y-chick,
I didn't really recover, but I like that you think I did.
Yesterday I went nuts again and had 3 beer and pizza...
Duh.
One day on. One day off.
Hopefully today is on again lol

I am having philosophical thoughts about my impulsivity. I saw this video on TED.com (An awesome site to see very good and short talks about multiple subjects from leading authorities/researchers/performers, etc.)
Philip Zimbardo prescribes a healthy take on time | Video on TED.com

It's about how you focus on life oriented in the past, the present, or the future, and how it affects you and your impulsivity. The guy recommends getting a balance of the three time perspectives or at the very least examining which one you think you live the most in.

I live nearly always in the present. Which means I am hedonistic and very impulsive. I do whatever I feel like doing at the moment. Which is NOT a very effective way to lose weight because I don't stick to the things that I know will help me. I just do what I feel like.

I'm going to try to examine my impulses more often and think whether they'll hurt me in the future, not just do what I want to do now, like eat a dozen donuts or stop for a couple beer after work...

Today was mostly on.
I ate a healthy, protein filled breakfast, which held me til 3pm when I had a chicken and veggie wrap. For supper I had a PB &Banana sandwich and some shrimp/veggie soup.
So food wise, fine, although I did eat past 7pm. I finished dinner at 830pm.

No exercise except for running around helping seniors get ready for the day for 4 hours this morning. I am pretty sure it counts for something, but it is impossible to quantify exactly how much exercise it is. I run up and down 3 flights of stairs for those four hours and squat to bathe, dress, make beds etcetera multiple times. But I just don't know how much real exercise it is.

I came home from work after going straight from 0530 to 1500 and took a nap. I know I should have exercised, but these 530 mornings are taking a toll.

Good thing though, I'm going hiking this weekend in Waterton. I'm going to do Crypt Lake with my mum and stepdad. I think it's about 9 km each way.

Yay weekend!

Hello Kaiser,

Are you originally from AB?

Your Shrimp & Veggie Soup sounds delish!

I would definitely say playing & practicing at the Piano is a great form of meditation & being Mindful.

I find doing some sort of craft, or coloring to be very mindful. Calms me down, helps me do one thing in the moment.

I hope you're well. TTYL

I guess I've really only been absent a few days. It feels longer.

I went hiking in Waterton over the weekend. It was BEAUTIFUL! We saw a bear far below us, fishing in the creek.

I have not kept up with good eating habits at all. And I only feel like posting when I am good, so that is why I am here again. I suppose I should try to be more consistent. Anyways, last two days were good, week before that was sh$#.

However, got a new iPod, so the tunes are helping motivate me to walk and get out. I went for two walks yesterday, and I am heading out for another one after this post.

I think I might be on the verge of dating someone. I have no desire to date in general, but I have to admit I find this guy very interesting. I think if he makes a move on me, I'll have 'the conversation' that I am not looking for a relationship right now, just friends. Is that too cliché? I just want to be upfront before I get into trouble. Normally I get into trouble first, so I'm trying to switch it up, lol.

Anyways, this state of not dating/hanging out with the guy as a friend is still making me not want to be fat around him. Which is what has motivated me the last couple days to get off my butt again. I know that I should be trying to be healthy for myself, but right now I'll take whatever motivation I can get.

RunningGirl, Yup, I'm from AB. I used to live in Lethbridge, then I moved to Edmonton for school. I see you're from Calgary. Have you always been there?
I like your colouring idea. I wouldn't have thought of it, but it is the same thing isn't it, mindfulness/mindlessness to calm yourself. I'm still practicing, and I'm getting better too, so that at least is moving in the right direction!

Ciao for niao, all.
Rachel

HAH!

I just finished a 10 km walk/jog.

.

GREAT JOB!!! You Go Girl!!!!!!

I bet that felt awesome!?!?


Well I wouldn't really peg any mindfulness activity as being mindless....it's actually quite the opposite. Being mindful is about slowing things down, and focusing on one thing in the moment. Whether it be your breathing, or how something is perceived, or taking the time to do a thorough job with something. Such as staying in the lines, and making certain strokes whilst coloring. Or concentrating on your breath whilst meditating, bringing your mind back to square one.

I am a born and raised Calgarian. I've lived all over Calgary, I moved to Vancouver Island when I was 18, only for a few months though. I'd like to move to either Cali, or Spain, or some other place, but always come back to Calgary. I love it here, it's so beautiful!

I didn't exercise yesterday, but I ate well except for giving in to the urge to eat two pitas with cheese melted on them after 7pm. See!? I'm right. If I don't eat past 7 I am okay, it is just when I eat late that I run into trouble.

I am going dancing tonight, salsa, with a Colombian friend, and my maybe-date. It could get a bit awkward now that there are three of us. It was supposed to be a group, but everyone bugged out, and now it will just be an awkward threesome. At any rate, salsa is great exercise.

I am going to take it easy on the food today. I went grocery shopping and bought only nutritious and delicious, so there is nothing to cheat with.

Then I work all weekend again. It kind of sucks having to work 12 of 14 days. Oh well, it is only for the summer.

I'll be walking to pick up my bike from the repair shop too. I just about killed myself yesterday when I discovered my rear wheel was missing the quick release lever. Also, my derailler is scraping along the chain. I have no idea what happened, but I NEED my bike because that is how I get to work all over the city. Crossing my fingers that it'll be done tonight or I am up sh?&% creek tomorrow!
Rachel

Got my bike back from the shop, and they had put my seat too low, but I was in a hurry so I just rode it home. But then I got up at 6 in the morning and went down and realized I STILL hadn't fixed it, and I didn't have time then either. So I rode a bike feeling like a midget with my knees up to my chin. Let me tell you though, it sure worked some different muscles! I am beat today after riding around all day yesterday using only my muscles and no weight to get some speed up.

I went out salsa-ing on Friday, which has made me super tired for the last two days because I didn't get home til 3am and had to get up at 6. I have been a zombie, but somehow still working, lol!

I am recovering now I think. And although last night I ate past 7pm, I think I can be forgiven since I wasn't able to get home until 830pm. I could have skipped dinner, but I was really hungry, and I had cereal and popcorn, not too bad.

Now I'm going to take a quick nap before riding off back to work...

Well, I am a human again. Working so much (65+ hours each week for the last 3) is really taking a toll on me, plus the fact that I partied hard Friday and got only 3 hours of sleep.

I am really starting to notice my age having an effect on my recovery time. I love to have a few drinks and go all night, but now it takes me like 3 days to feel normal again. I hate that! I further hate to admit that I think that I am going to have to seriously decrease how much I drink when I go out. It is just not worth it anymore. I'll have to depend on my winning personality to bowl them over, I guess...

I plan on doing another 5-10 km walk jog today. As soon as my feet stop hurting from this morning's work. I don't know if it is because of my flat feet or what, but my feet get so sore lately. Maybe another function of being older? Ick.

Foodwise, I am doing so-so. I am having real trouble sticking to my committments to myself about what I am eating. I keep going for high-calorie stuff. Even when the low-calorie veggies etc are right in front of me, I opt for cheese, peanut butter, avocado, bread, pasta... Almost every time. I haven't figured out yet how to trick myself into eating healthily. Secretly, I just don't WANT to! I want to eat whatever I want and lose weight. I think that this strategy may not be the best one, lol!

So I am going to stick to my plan of not eating past 7pm, getting outside half an hour every day, and eating at least one veggie every time I eat. At least I can incorporate healthy things in, even if I am not ready to take my unhealthy things out...

I am the slowest to change I have ever met. I just don't know how you are all doing it. I am having so much trouble changing my ways, and it sounds like you all are losing at least a pound a week. I have been on here a month and haven't lost a damn thing. I am getting pretty disillusioned with myself. The only good thing is that I am definitely getting more exercise and gradually gaining some discipline in aspects of my eating, like not eating huge amounts late at night. It's just not enough though.

Sigh...

Hello Kaiser, (be prepared I am long winded)

WoWYYYY You work a lot, and are working quite a bit for these last three weeks. Amazing!

What do you wear for shoes when you go out on your long walk/jog's? That could be the probo, or you could try this: When watching tv, or sitting take a rolling pin( I don't cook, what is it called for rolling dough? :S haha) or a bottle... empty or full. And roll your feet on top of it, it's kind of like a massage, I used to get pains in my feet from dancing when I was younger, and one of the teacher's said to try doing this often, helps loosen, I am guessing.

I guess I can really only speak for myself of course. But about last Spring is when I decided to slowly cut back on the junk. (I still eat a lot, yes) but that's what I first started with.

I was never weighing myself, I didn't have a weight scale till I joined this forum & a challenge I am in now. I was approx 162 or higher last summer.

Still very slowly incorporating different foods, and taking out pop, the slurpee's were the first to go for me. I haven't had a slurpee since forever. LOL Not that that seems to matter, I still get sugar from other sources when need be, such as binges

Last November is when I finally got out to walk more, at Christmas time I did however come across a scale...hee hee 155lbs, just from cutting stuff out. I never counted cals, I didn't know what I was doing. This Past January is when I decided to join Zumba, than because I wanted to get my energy level's up I decided to go running.

After a couple of month's of Zumba, and finally getting my run on, I decided it was time to kick it up a notch & find somewhere that might help me to lose the weight I had acquired. I found this place March 23/09, & on April 4 found a scale to use (dad's) where I was than 150 lbs. I than found that the running was amazing for losing weight, so I kept at it

I am VERY stubborn, so basically it took me a whole year to just lose 12 lbs. I've now lost 18 lbs since I've been on here, which is another 4 months of work. I have plenty of up's and down's. The down's I am very harsh with myself. I have a lot more time than the average person, I am at home all the time. So I expect a lot from me. I've cut calories, I try to eat better, I run, and do core exercises from time to time, that's about it. If I'd been doing weight & resistance training, from what I've seen other's do on here and in short periods of time, I may have the body I want, I may not.

Plus, do you record your measurement's at all? I find that very helpful. At first I was dropping inches and no lbs for a few weeks. Than I dropped the lbs. Plus I started taking monthly pictures of myself. I find that helpful too.

Everybody has a different body, ( I know you know that ) Not everyone drops periodically. Some don't drop at all, and than boom 5 lbs down every few weeks. Also can really depend on your TOM.

Just nice and easy, slow and steady, we don't want to see you get too angry, and give up on yourself, maybe put the scale aside for now and just work on a few things for a little bit?

TTYL Take Care