Okay, this is really scary. Under normal circumstances a persons diary holds deep, dark secrets and is only read by one person.
I'm writing this in hopes I can feel better. I have so many things running through my head and don't know where to start.
I can do this. I'm a pro at losing weight. I've done the pills, WW, starving myself, eating right. I've tried just about every way you can to lose weight.
This is my first time losing weight where I'm not in it for the short haul. I need to change my life a little at a time and have done so. I will in time get to my goal. It will take me as long as it takes me.
Its hard for me to not get impatient and take some quick lose pills or to fall into old habits...throwing up. I still struggle with it and I can't believe after 15 years, it still pops in my head. I would hope a person would get to a point where they would outgrow crap like that.
Enough rambling...
I'm 5'1 barely
186 lbs down from 227lbs
My goal is to be at 120lbs
My big goal is to run a 5k fund raiser
My biggest goal is to be healthy and get there using hard work..not a quick fix.

Hey Kia,
welcome! You have lost 41 pounds already, the good way, right? Even if the evil eating disorder still lives in you and probably always will, you can be stronger than it and win this fight the right way!

Have a wonderful time in your diary and a great week, Camy

It's hard when something like purging or fasting seems like a quick fix. Just remember, you want your body to work right EVERY DAY. It's about rebuilding your body's daily processes. Quick fixes just make it WORSE!
Focus on your running and what you need to input to get the best exercise possible and I think you will do really well!

Hi Kia. Welcome!

It sounds like you have some good solid goals in place that are reasonable. That's a huge start. I also like that you've moved past the "diet" mentality and into a lifestyle plan. IMO, that's one of the most important things to losing weight healthily and making it a permanent change.

If you haven't done so already, make sure to read the sticky posts, especially the exercise and nutrition ones. Anything Steve writes is worth reading and paying attention to.

There's so much good information to help you here ... hope you stick around and keep posting!

Hi Kia, welcome in. Agree with above postings, and want to say that for the record? These diaries are not really all that scary. I write all kinds of crap in mine, not always politically correct stuff either.

Water's pretty warm, C'mon in.

Good luck, Kia!
Sounds like you have some aspiring goals...good for you! Will be looking forward to reading about your progress.

Good Luck!
Di

I started the couch to 5k today. I didn't run for 2 of my 60 seconds windows. I needed a little more time to catch my breath. None the less...I DID IT!! I am already sore, but I'm very proud of myself.

Hi Kia,

Welcome! C25K is a really good program. I have done it before and stuck with it for a while. Then life got in the way and I stopped running. I want to keep running, so I started again a few weeks back and it is going really well.

The first week can be hard, but stick with it and the long intervals would be a breeze. Before I started I could hardly climb up the stairs without stopping to catch my breath and by the time I reached the top I would be totally out of breath (and there were only 2-3 flight of stairs). Now I can run for 5-8 mins and I hope that by the time C25k is over, I can run 30 mins or 5K without stopping. Until I can do so I will keep at it.

As Kara said, you have really good goals. Keep at it. We are here to encourage, cheer and motivate u. The community here is amazing. I have got to know many wonderful people here and have learnt a lot from their advice.

Good luck!

Thank you so much Juni. Its hard to get support from people who don't understand weight issues. I'm happy I found this board.

My legs are SO sore today. I'm assuming thats normal after something like this. I need to search around the board and learn about "smarter" food choices. I need to figure out some good snacks.
I also need to figure out if theres anything I should be doing differently before I run..in hopes of not being in so much pain. LOL Off to learn....

I did it!! I ran again today and I'm not in near as much pain. Looking forward to getting my cardio in check. Feeling good, eating right..so far so good :-)

Hey!
Don't feel bad about not running for 2 of the runs... I started that program and I'm stretching week one for at least 3 weeks! My first week I just did 4 jogs. This week I'm doing 6. Just do whatever feels right for you! And it's better than doing nothing, right? ^_^

As for healthy snacks... I love low fat cottage cheese! ^_^

Good luck in your weight loss!

The runs will get better. Keep at it. I am on Wk4 now. Just the idea of running 5 mins without stopping used to daunt me, but I did it last week (and Im gonna repeat it again this week). Good luck.

Will check in on you later.

Every so often I have those moments of clarity. Where I'm able to be 100% honest with myself about why I want to lose weight.
Losing weight won't make me richer, smarter or bring sudden happiness to my life. What it will do is allow me to feel more comfortable in my own skin. Getting stronger, becoming healthier will allow me to do more things. I've always wanted to climb a rock wall, run a 5k, join a softball team. My weight has always stopped me. Even in HS when I was only about 15 lbs over weight, it killed my confidence. I really should have been a cheer leader. I'm "that" girl. I'm bubbly, perky and really am a happy person. Now maybe the outside will match the inside.