I have figured out I have about 7 months until my next birthday. I have been struggling with my weight ever since I was a little girl. Well, NO MORE!

I want to use this as my food diary, a place to talk about what I'm feeling and track my progress!

CW: 210 lbs. (95 kg)
Goal Weight: 170 lbs. (77 kg)

Day One:
Breakfast: skipped
Lunch: can of tuna, w/ wilted spinach, corn and peas
Dinner: Chorizo Sausages w/ millet mash
Snack: 2 homemade oatmeal cookies

Exercise: 20 minutes Yoga-ish stretching, Upper arm exercises & Sit ups

Breakfast: skipped
Lunch: low fat oatmeal cookies
Dinner: tofu & vegetable stir-fry

Not the best eating. I have to plan out what I'm going to have for breakfast and lunch, and not just dinner. One step, one day for a life style change.

No exercise today.

Tonight. Going to see the Editors. Very excited.

Breakfast: skipped
Lunch: skipped
Dinner: Chicken Thigh, cous cous w/ celery & carrots, mushroom and onion gravy
snacks: 2 pears, 2 bananas, 8 oatmeal raisin cookies
calories according to fitday.com: 1,224

***
I need a job, and find my life is slipping away. I am having a hard time creating purpose. I wake up late in the day, after having gone to bed late in the night or early in the morning. I am in a vicious cycle.

This weekend my nephew is coming to visit. I am hoping this will help snap me out of my long nights and unproductive days.

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I skipped breakfast and lunch because I woke up at 4 pm today. It's sickening, really.

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I've got to get out of this nonsense.

What is your current height and weight? 210 lbs. 5'4"

If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be? 145 lbs

At what weight would you like to be at four months from now? 190

Why do you want to lose weight? Health reasons, I'm afraid of diabetes which runs in my family like wild fire. I also want to do more outdoor activities, like fell walking.

Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event? YES! My 29th Birthday. 28 - Apr 2010!

What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals? Skipping breakfast, being lazy, not exercising, my husband's outlook on trying new foods, my outlook on trying new foods, feeling insecure about exercising

Why do you think that you now have a weight problem? I have a tyre around my middle. I can't walk up the stairs without getting out of breathe.

What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight? I will have a different taste pallet, be more active, energetic.

Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight? Obviously, diet and exercise. Sticking to exercise regardless of how I'm feeling when I start out.

Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back? I have let my emotions take over and eat them away. I need to talk through my problems, not eat them.

What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work? Killing myself by not eating and over exercising and not being sensible didn't work.

Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time? Yes, I have to be completely honest and consistent.

Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook? I cook at home everyday. I have been cooking vegetarian and vegan recipes. I have also been learning how to bake. Went overboard and gained 10 lbs during that learning process. I'm learning how to bake low fat/low sugar recipes.

How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go? Don't really eat out. Although, when I go to the cinema I do have a coke and maybe some sweeties. That's about once a week.

What are your three favorite foods? I love Biscuits, Cheese, Ice Cream.

What are your three favorite restaurants? Only 2 -- Big Easy BBQ!!! They have macaroni and cheese to die for!! & Danish Pancakes (savory and sweet)

What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food? Proportions! Proportions! Proportions!

If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different? I wouldn't worry if a store had a garment in my size. I would have a better self esteem.

Do you eat when you are not hungry? Yes. I eat when I'm bored.

Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)? Yes, especially on sweets and baked goods.

Do you hide your food or eat in secret? Yes. I eat when my partner has gone to bed.

Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed? Yes.

Do you eat as a reward? Yes.

Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer? Yes.

What do you normally eat for a meal? Meat and two vegetables.

What type of snacks do you eat? I eat fruit occasionally, homemade porridge bars, cakes, whatever is leftover, sandwiches

In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing? nothing at the moment. I have a BIG mental block when it comes to exercise.

Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?
Home for some stretches, crunches. Sometimes walk in the park.

What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise? I used to be a modern dancer -- and I get depressed when I try to dance. I'm so heavy. I would like to take a dance class again -- but, not like this. I do like hiking in the country side. I like pilates and yoga.

What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals? Hmmmm ... Looking really hot on my 29th birthday. Feeling fit and fantastic.

Do you have rewards for certain goals? Hmmmm ... No. Not sure what to reward myself with. Any ideas?

Hi there. Welcome to the forum.

I read your diary entries and I have to say that I'm very concerned at the amount of food you're eating - not NEARLY enough. Skipping meals is not the answer to weight loss.

Even if you wake up late, you need to make sure you eat enough calories for the day. At your weight, you should probably aim for around 2000-2100 calories a day. You need to make sure those are HEALTHY calories - lean protein, complex carbs (whole grains, oats, etc.), and healthy fats (olive oil, seeds and nuts, avocados, peanut butter, etc.).

My advice would be to register for a free account at fitday.com or thedailyplate.com and start logging your food. You'll easily and quickly be able to see how many calories you're eating and where your nutrients are. That will help you to see where you can adjust things.

Next, be sure and read the sticky posts in the various parts of the board. There is really good information on nutrition and on exercise. Even if you just start out walking for 20-30 mins a day, it's something. Add in some weight lifting and/or some body weight exercises (full body, not just curls) and you'll be losing weight in no time. And you'll feel much better.

Thank you, Kara, for the information. I will start logging my food to count the amount of calories. Although, I have to admit, these three days I haven't been writing in what I've been consuming after my partner goes to bed. I've been bingeing on cookies, cakes and sweets. Not sure how to eat small meals throughout the 'day' when my life is so upside down. I'm battling against getting stuck into this routine, while establishing a more healthier alternative.

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It's hard shaking old habits, and starting new ones. Getting real with myself is the first step towards making this change.

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In other news, I found a website that has free online workouts. Workout Videos - ExerciseTV

I tried 15 minutes of a yoga class, and couldn't handle it. Felt good though.

I have decided to stay up all night and all day in order to resynchronize my sleeping patterns. Loads to do today to keep me awake.

***
Breakfast: 2 slices of toast, 2 scrambled eggs w/ cheese
Lunch: Homemade lentil stew (potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, leeks, onions, & low sodium vegetable broth)
Dinner: samosa, egg plant, cauliflower, potato cake (Indian food)

Breakfast: skipped
Lunch: sausages w/ couscous & lentils w/ vegetables
Dinner: 2 pieces of cheese on toast w/ pesto & olives
snacks: pear, apple

Breakfast: mushroom soup w/ 1 buttered piece of toast
Lunch: cheese on toast
Dinner: chicken thigh & cauliflower millet mash
snacks: 7 homemade lowfat low sugar oatmeal raisin cookies

***
Breaking the cycle. Day by day.

Breakfast: Homemade oatmeal raisin cookies
Lunch: Vegetarian Shepherd's Pie (Mung Beans, parsnip, carrots, potatoes, celery, onion, leek)
Dinner: Mushroom Pottage w/ bread
Snacks: Pear, Apple
Calories according to fitday.com: 1,490
Fat grams according to fitday.com: 60.5
Carbs grams according to fitday.com: 217.7
Protein grams according to fitday.com: 27.3

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I haven't exercised yet. Hoping to get in a few sit ups before tea.

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I'm wondering if I should set up weight goals for each week. I don't have a scale -- I weigh myself at the local pharmacy whenever I pass by. They must think I'm nuts. I'm afraid of buying a scale because I feel I will get discouraged.

I have a friend who is giving up wheat, alcohol, and caffeine. She is not trying to lose weight -- She is trying to get rid of some abusive habits with all three.

However, her idea got me thinking that I am interested in giving up wheat. When I think about it, I tend to binge on wheat and -- I think I'm addicted to wheat and sugar. Anyone else out there on a wheat or gluten free diet?

If you want my honest opinion ... which you might not ... I think that you're making excuses here.

You have not taken any steps to control your eating or try to eat better. Things like oatmeal cookies for breakfast, skipping meals, eating sausages ... none of those are healthy things that lead to weight loss and better nutrition.

It seems to me that you're looking for a "quick fix" and using an "addiction" as an excuse, rather than doing something like registering for a calorie and nutrition counting account at a free site and actually LEARNING about the food you're putting in your body.

If you were to start eating healthy balanced meals, watching your calories, not making meals out of cookies and fat laden foods, and you still weren't seeing progress, THEN I'd say that investigating some kind of food reaction might be indicated.

But until you take the basic steps to improve your nutrition first, cutting out whole categories of food because you think you're "addicted" is prett much going to be useless from a health and weight loss standpoint.

Fair Enough. I didn't think eliminating wheat seemed like I was grasping at straws. Although, I can see it now. I was just thinking about it, because a friend of mine brought it up. However, she had a whole ethos behind her diet. (And, I mean diet as in habitual nourishment.) She believes her body is a temple. And, I must admit ... I admire that philosophy.

Yeah, it seems so easy for you now to just tell me eat right and exercise. However, there was once a point in your life when you were transitioning. And, part of that transition was being honest with yourself. Another part of that transition was becoming habitual in your changes. And, I have taken your advice. I just haven't found my system for doing this yet.

And, my oatmeal cookies are homemade and healthy. Yes, I shouldn't binge on them -- but, they're a far better alternative to bingeing on a whole pack of digestive biscuits. I think that's effort.

These are the ingredients:
1 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cup oats (I use steel cut, organic oats)
1/2 cup sugar (I replace this with agave)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 egg replacer, prepared (I use NRG) (I use a real egg)
1/2 cup mild oil, like canola or safflower (I use olive oil)
1 tablespoon blackstrap molasses
1 tablespoon agave nectar (I use honey)
3 tablespoon water or nut milk (I use reduced fat milk)
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup raisins

Also, I eat meat 2 times a week. Yes, I probably should eat chicken or turkey. But, it's better than the cheap fish and chips I used to eat. I eat loads more fruits and vegetables than I did when I lived in the states. I try to eat 5 a day.

Yes, I need to do more research on the food I'm eating. That's exactly why I took you up on your advice and signed up for a fitday account. How can I see what my patterns are?

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I am not looking for a quick fix. If I were ... I wouldn't be toiling over this forum. If I were looking for a quick fix, I would obsess over my weight. Instead, I feel I'm focusing on what I eat and trying to be as honest as possible.

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Yes, you've really frustrated me. Maybe I haven't been very clear in this diary. Who knows - either way, I haven't found this forum to be very welcoming. For Christ's sake, I'm only 7 days in to changing my whole lifestyle.

AND! I've just given up smoking. It'll be a month on the 26th of October.

I'm sorry that I have frustrated you. It's not my intention to frustrate you or make you feel unwelcome, but I will always give honest advice and my honest opinion.

Absolutely there was a period of transition for me. I spent many years eating badly and making poor choices. I knew my eating habits were not good. I knew that I needed to change. I also looked for all the quick fixes anyway - the crash diets, the fasts, the "Lose 20 pounds of belly fat in a week" scams, the pills. I even played the game where I went to the doctor and asked to be tested because it must be genetic (my father and my grandmother were fat). I fully admit I played all those games with myself. And I truly think that's why I can see it in others - and why I point it out when I see it.

I am not trying to be hurtful - I am being honest. I have done all those things. But at some point it becomes about responsibility and self-awareness. It becomes about being honest with yourself. And I know that's hard.

This is simply another variation of fooling yourself. I used to eat fruit over lowfat frozen yogurt for dessert - every night. I said the same thing you're saying here ... it's fruit (albeit with sugar on it) and yogurt. It's healthy! It's healthier than Ben & Jerry's (I'd say defiantly). But the fact is, just because there's a little fruit - its NOT HEALTHY. And when you lie to yourself about what you're eating, then you're not going to make progress.

I mean that seriously: this is not about me, or the board, or any of that. I don't know you and you don't know me. You don't owe *me* or anyone on this board anything at all. I'm a stranger to you as you are to me. But ... really think about what you owe YOURSELF. If with no one else in the world, be honest with yourself.

I put your cookie recipe into an analyzer program and based it on the recipe making 24 cookies. If you get a full 24 cookies out of this recipe, then here's the nutritional value for each cookie:

Calories 113; Fat 5g; Carb 16g; Fiber 1g; Sugar 7.2g; Protein 1.6g.
Vit A 0%; Vit C 0%; Calcium 2%; Iron 3%

If you're only eating 2 cookies as a dessert, that's not bad. If you're eating 7 of these a day? Or more? That's 800 calories of cookies. You know .. if you are honest with yourself ... that 800 calories of cookies is NOT healthy in the least.

Actually, no. McVitie's Digestives are 70 cals each, with 3g of fat, 9g of carb, and 1.5g protein. You'd be better off eating the digestives - they have as much protein with fewer calories, less fat, and less sugar.

I see from several days on your diary here that you ARE capable of making good healthy choices.

Breakfast: 2 slices of toast, 2 scrambled eggs w/ cheese
Lunch: Homemade lentil stew (potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, leeks, onions, & low sodium vegetable broth)
Dinner: samosa, egg plant, cauliflower, potato cake (Indian food)
This was a really good day.

Breakfast: mushroom soup w/ 1 buttered piece of toast
Lunch: cheese on toast
Dinner: chicken thigh & cauliflower millet mash
snacks: 7 homemade lowfat low sugar oatmeal raisin cookies
This was pretty good until you got to the 7 cookies.

You are capable of doing this ... but DO IT rather than look for an easy out like a "food allergy" or an "addiction".

Maybe you find my advice harsh or unpleasant and if you'd rather I won't post in your diary any more. I know that some people want their diary's to be only positive support and if that's your preference, just let me know. I won't be offended. It might not look like it, but I'm honestly offerng you help and support; I just don't do touchy-feely.