My first diary was deleted... hmmm. I must have done something wrong. So here is attempt #2. Let's see. Today is going alright. I have a really bad headache. I can't wait until I've lost all the weight that I want. I really would like to lose 60 pounds by my birthday although I know that really isn't a safe goal. My birthday is December 15 so I would have to lose 20 more pounds than what is healthy. Oh well, I would really be happy with a 30 pound loss.

Anyway, I'm looking for support and hope that I can find it here. I had some really good responses from before but, like I said, I deleted it all... still no idea how...

I'm talking to my friend online right now. I really really miss California when I talk to my old friends. It's so hard being soooo far away. All I want to do is sit here, feel sad and eat a whole lot of bad food!! NOOOOOOO!

You have been visiting my diary so I thought I would pop into yours! I feel a bit sneaky really reading someone elses diary

Looking at your stats - you are doing really well, how long did it take you to get down from your start weight to now? its such a fantastic achievement!

Well thanks Rubber Duckie!! it's been a three year battle up and down. But, I've been maintaing my weight for a while now which is good! I had gone from about 180 to 320 in a year... ouch! Now, over the past three years just been slowly working it off. I know it will take a while but I'm closer now than before and just want to be done with it!

I think you have done really well, not that much further to go and you seem to have cracked the biggest hurdle which is knowing how to maintain the weight once its off!

Yeah! haha.. Now all I have to do is figure out an outlet for when I am upset. It's hard living away from your friends and everything you grew up around and I'm still having a hard time dealing with it. At least this website gives me something to look at to keep my mind off of it when i am upset.

I think that that is a battle that a lot of people in this forum have to face, myself included. Unfortunately at a young age I learnt that food was a good comforter for feeling down, and then got into the cycle of eating because I was down, then feeling down because I was eating and putting on weight. Hopefully this forum can help and there are plenty of people on here who you can talk to (including myself) if needed.

Thanks! it's like we have our own little chat room going on! hahaha

Exercise really does help get your mind off things, even if only for the bit of time you are actually working out. Do you belong to a gym? I've met a lot of friendly people at the YMCA, and it is hard to think of anything else when I am on the elliptical torture machine. I don't do well in exercise classes, but a lot of people really enjoy taking classes and make good friends that way.

Thanks twinmom! I don't belong to a gym but might eventually join one in my area. I'm just too self conscious to go right now. I've started walking in the mornings with my dog and that seems to be going well. As far as exercise classes go... I think they'd give me an anxiety attack!! Ever since i've gained weight I've had a really big problem with social anxiety! I've slowly gotten better as my number has dropped but I know I have a long way to go to be as comfortable as I once was. Thanks for your ideas though. I was actually thinking of buying an elliptical machine. Does it put a lot of stress on your lower back? Do you know about those turbo jam workouts?

I've never tried the Turbo Jam - but it sure looks like it worked for nrthrnmomof3. I had a hard time with the elliptical at first - it is a pretty intense workout - but it does not seem to be bad on my back. It feels funny in the hips. You kind of have to get into a groove, and it is a lot more like sashaying than walking or running. But, once you get the motion down, it isn't bad. You have to know how to set the options so you are not running really fast uphill. I learned that lesson quickly.

I belonged to an all-girl gym before I got pregnant. I had more anxiety back then regarding going to exercise in front of people. The gym I joined had a pool, and I joined a water aerobics class and loved it. Most of the women were in their 70's, so even at 225 pounds I was the hot young chick in the class! LOL I switched to strength training a little while later, and I lost about 20 pounds at that time without changing my eating habits at all. Now I go to the YMCA, but I am a lot more confident and I care less about what people might think than I used to. I have found the people at the Y are really nice, and supportive of my efforts - but if I still had the anxiety issues, I would have definitely looked into a women-only gym.

Keep walking that dog! You have come a long way, and any exercise you add will just make you stronger!

Thanks Twinmom! I actually think that there is a womans only gym here but I don't think I'm quite ready yet. Definately something to work for. I enjoyed your water aerobics story bit. With women in their 70's how could you NOT be the hottest one there. hahaha

I think I will get an elliptical machine one of these days. It seems like it would help shape my lower body A LOT!

I wll DEFINATELY keep walking my dog... he won't let me not. He gets into patterns easily and this morning at a little after six was already looking at my shoes looking at me... haha.

Thanks again!

Such a sad and gloomy day... it's storming outside! All I want to do is curl up in bed...

That is great that your dog is already in the habit of having his daily walk- It helps force you to get out the door with him. As far as having anxiety issues associated with the gym- that is completely normal. There are all sorts of workout dvd's you can do at home. I think someone on this sight rents them first to see if they like them... or some cable services have things such as Comcasts On Demand where you can watch whatever workouts they have showing that week for free... and then if you really like them, you could go out and buy them.

And yes- we should start the Baggy Butt club

hahah! baggy butt club... My mother-in-law actually calls me Holly baggy butt or Holly no butt on occasion. haha.

That is a good idea about renting workout videos! I actually NEVER thought about that. Thanks. I think that I am going to look into that.