You should try getting your period and having water gains/losses similar to that ..... then again maybe you shouldnt .. *G*

*runs the sweeper, looks around, turns the lights off, closes the door*

*submits a bill, btw*

*ponders if 'down under' actually slid off the globe*

Just to say that I am thinking of you and hoping that you are winning.

Thanks for the thoughts. I wouldn't say I'm winning. I'm here right now though, and that's a good thing.

Hello lovely lady! Hope your doing well! I've missed ya big time!

I haven't had a lot of time to post myself, so I feel badly about that, but I'll try to check in as often as I can, because I do miss ya!
Kim

Thanks Kim! I am going to make a point of checking in to my own diary regardless of whether I can post as properly as I'd like. Things have settled down a lot for me here but I have so much to catch up on with both other people and with myself that it will be a while till I actually am caught up! I love to see your cute lady bugs. Also, that is a lovely avatar .

Hi Felici,

I'm glad to see that things have settled down a bit for you. We missed you!

Talk to you soon,

Glad to see you back, Felici! Hoping that things continue to calm down for you.

Hello Eldaweesda and Heather! What great looking tickers. I am looking forward to catching up with your stories.

I was not visiting here partly because I lacked the time, but also, I'm afraid, partly because I pretty much lost my mojo and then I wasn't ready to tackle my own weight loss issues. I never had a whole day of thinking that it didn't matter and I never had a minute of thinking I wouldn't be back here (where you all are), but I had a lotta lotta procrastination. After a while I felt as though I would need some breathing space before I could do anything. It was a very unhelpful feeling though and one I want to ignore if it ever comes back. Then again, right now I do want to make use of what amount of breathing space I can find to get reorganized and get my thinking straight so that I can look after myself better, both now and the next time I get busy.

One helpful thought I had this weekend, was that I was behaving as though I was back in the bad old days when I had no idea how to break the cycle of bad eating I was in - whereas actually I'd already found some useful techniques, I just wasn't applying them. For me the binge cycle breakers have been writing, posting here, and exercising. Not necessarily in that order and possibly all three needed at once to be effective.

Sorry to be on about bingeing yet again. I'm thinking I won't drag you all through every thought I have about it this time, but it's very clear to me these days that bingeing is the issue for me.

Another helpful thing happened this weekend. Probably this was the precursor to the helpful thought above.

I went to a party. (I have had too many parties lately - not that I don't like them, just that I don't like them crammed together weekend after weekend - and it's not like they're optional). At this party was the most thoughtful of my husband's friends. I mean a guy who reflects on and talks about what matters to him. That kind of thoughtful. Anyway, as it happens, he's currently thinking about health and weight and food. So that was helpful to me because it meant we talked about that - and not just "you look great have you lost even more weight? - No I haven't, I'm gaining" - which is a bit too routine to count). Also he told me something about another woman it turns out we both know, who has dropped masses of weight. I mean she was way into morbidly obese and now she's normal. She started to visibly lose weight about the same time as me, but the day I mentioned her loss to her, it was early days and she seemed very uncomfortable about it, so I never brought the topic up again. However, she had spoken to our mutual friend about it. She told him she never deliberately set out to lose weight, but she went to something at a local university where they were dealing with underlying issues - self esteem and issues from her childhood, and the weight just started to fall off. I'm sure there'd be a lot more to it in the details.

Anyway, I was still thinking to myself that I personally was pretty far gone along the wrong track, so when I got home, I used what clues he's mentioned to do an on-line hunt, and where I'm at with that now is:

It seems there is a low cost psych clinic attached to my old uni. It's low cost because the staff haven't finished their training! But they are supervised. One of the areas they work in is eating disorders. There is at least one person working in that psych department who has specialist knowledge related to binge eating.

They did have a seminar related to the topic and one of the speakers from it has written more than one relevant book including a self help book which is not new now but is still on an updated list of self help guides suggested by another uni I respect.

I don't know if I have mentioned here that I have twice contacted a psychologist about my eating before. Once was many moons ago when I wanted to try hypnotherapy. (Which had some value but didn't work out for me at that time.) The next time was not so long ago, but I had a hard time finding a psych. I looked for two things. One was someone who was saying this was one of the areas they specialized in. Only one psych was saying that and she was located too far away to visit regularly. The other thing I looked for was affordability. There were not many who were on the list covered by my health fund! So I found one guy and went a couple of times and he seemed to me to be irrelevant, even though preparing myself to go see someone was useful.

Anyway, this clinic is close enough, on topic and dirt cheap. I'm not planning to go there just now, but I'm not discounting the possiblity either. Actually, I find it calming to think this may be a back up plan, and feeling calmer is helpful in itself. I guess I'm also wanting to do something more to give me confidence about staying healthy long term.

Also, I really must follow up on the idea that there is at least one selfhelp book out there which is quite likely relevant to me. I can't see where I can get the one that most interests me, but I guess it's time to at least get another book or three on the topic. (I have to return library books for my husband anyway.) This seems like a simple idea but truthfully hasn't occurred to me before. I suppose that's because it hadn't occurred to me that I had a binge eating disorder until recently. Maybe I don't actually have a disorder as such anyway, but clearly I have an issue, and it can't hurt to pursue information on the topic. I've looked on-line before and that's sometimes helped but sometimes gone nowhere.


Mmm. Now I've re-read that and it totally stands out to me that I'm saying "the things I know about doing to break the cycle of binge eating, all take time". So this is where the too busy too stressed thing starts getting wrapped into the negative circle in my mind. I did just say that was an unhelpful idea though. Better thought is that I need to do these things and if I'm busy I will do them a little bit.

I also remember a little cartoon that popped up in my on-line travels lately.


What suits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Well, I think, I need to get to the place where I do it right and then I need to make myself some strong habits which will buttress me when I'm busy or stressed. Nothing new in this thought, but it's still pretty relevant. Which reminds me that actually, I really could do with that book. I do wonder if I'm only lacking application, or if I actually am missing some concept, something I need to make my useful behaviour more steady than it's been.

I read your diary.. Its very interesting.. Keep on going.

Hi Felici

Your post is just awesome, and it echos many lines of thought I have had as well. I want to STRONGLY encourage you to check out the clinic! I've had the first chance ever in my life to discuss my issues surrounding weight loss honestly and hopenly because I'm currently seeing a therapist (for other reasons, but this came up). And the fact that I could be completely honest about my past behaviors and current fears was just so wonderfully empowering and helpful I can't even describe it. Also, I have to find the name of a book for you. . . .my friend recommended it and apparently it's one of the best books on weight loss and the mindset surrounding it that she has read. I haven't read it yet, but she's a psychology major so I trust her opinion.

The thought process surrounding eating and exercising is just as (if not more) important than actually changing your eating and exercising habits. It's one thing to psych yourself up and never actually change your foundation of thinking and a complete other one to really rework your thoughts and force your mind to do things differently. It's hard!!

But with slow and steady work toward your goal, it's definitely something that is do-able.

HOWDY FELI!! I so love that cartoon and it speaks volume in my opinion.

While I was reading your post, I realized you know yourself more than you give yourself credit for. YOU KNOW there is an issue, but not exactly sure just what it is. You know that some where deep within there is something going on, what that is, it's hard to tell. But I'm most certain that your idea of speaking with a professional is a VERY GOOD ONE!! Your issue with binging might not be an eating problem at all but something more deep, more rooted more buried within that needs to be found and brought out.

I GIVE YOU KUDDOS for knowing what you have to do and being okay with that and doing something that may or may not help, but who knows until you give it a shot right??? You might just get lucky and find a good therapist that can actually help and get you back on the right path, and get rid of the eating issues. It has to be something Feli, because when I started on here you were my source of motivation, I came here everyday to get my Feli fix.LOL LOL you had it together, you posted your menu everyday and got so detailed about it I was JEALOUS! You exercised and kept a full family lifestyle, I WAS IMPRESSED to say the least. And only recently in the past few months have I noticed you not posting as often. We all go through our slumps and we all go through bouts of giving up, being frustrated with ourselves and basically just wanting to throw in the towel, so don't you for a minute feel bad about what's going on. Keep posting in your diary if just to say Hello, give an update (quickly for the day) and then do what you have to do.

When you get it worked out I have no doubt you'll be back to the grindstone going full force and really putting in 110%. Take YOUR time, read some books that's a fantastic idea. And if you get a chance seek the opinion of the professional you were speaking of and see if that helps, my thoughts are with you on this journey, and your NOT ALONE!!

I'll check by later!
HUGS AND LOVE
Kim

Behaviorally, I tend to believe small changes lend the most benefit for the success-side of weight loss. Personally, I fell off my own game plan when the 'big change/big results subsided.

I lacked the ability mentally - obviously a behavioral attachment, to readjust accordingly. I re-channeled old desires on a smaller scale this time around. Identifying with 'it's not as bad as I make it seem' helped me a lot. It's a big step (to me) to recalibrate, retool and re-apply simplicity.

I think you successfully completed your 'big picture' phase when you took the initial initiative that carried you well into a major weight loss.

Think small. Stay focused.

Hee--I like that cartoon, though unfortunately, my answer would absolutely be that being dead would suit my schedule far better--at least then no one could be cross with me about not attending every damned symposium and brown bag and workshop!

Anyway, I'm glad that you're thinking through some of the problems that you're having. Sometimes that's all we need to do is just identify what unhelpful things we're thinking that are preventing us from doing what we truly do want to do.

Sophie