I hope that things are going well for you. I have to put the message here as I have no idea what your new username is.

Hi Felici!

Hmmm... just checking in to say hi, as you were SO supportive and helpful to me when I was around before!

It seems you are on the move... Well, I hope you are doing great, and let us know your new name when you change it!

Kez xxx

Just stopping by to see how things are going for you!

Keep up the good work and have a wonderful day!

Hi.

My apologies to those people who've posted in this diary while I wasn't around, and to whom I haven't previously replied. Mostly, it was some months between the time you posted, and when I saw the messages. I don't recall visiting here at all between the time of my last post in this diary and the time I registered under a different username so that I could say "Hi" to wishes.

At that stage I couldn't post as felici, because I'd messed up my access to this account. I changed from one internet provider to another nearly two years ago, but I never got around to changing my email address here. I was constantly on this site and I had an easy password so it didn't cause me any problems. However, after I'd been gone a while I had a security scare and reset everything - using obscure passwords! I wrote the password down, but didn't do anything more at WLF. Then I lost the password list. It didn't matter for other sites where I'd updated my email address but it did here.

So when I had an intense desire to speak to wishes, I had to open a new account. Recently I made a few posts using that account and pm'd for help in re-accessing this one. AllCdnBoy has been very helpful so that's sorted (Thank-you, Sean), and those posts I made are now showing as felici's.

What next? I don't know. I feel rather nervous posting anything here as felici. I had told myself I wouldn't post until I knew what I wanted to say here, but there you go. I don't know and I have posted.

To the people who were my loyal friends here, please forgive me, mostly I haven't tried to get up to date with you yet. At one stage, it was beyond me to post here and I just stayed away altogether. Later, I didn't feel ready to post, and I also couldn't use the name I was known by here. It was all too weird. Oddly, I'd taken in the idea that I couldn't send pms under my new name without noticing how little it would take to change that.

Now, well I've moved on from thinking that typing here again will mean I have to put myself back in the place I was when I left, which I did think and which helped keep me away. Now, I think I'll be healthier if I include this site as a part of what I'm doing - reconcile my time here with my current life I guess?

Anyway, at the moment I don't plan to use this diary in the way I once did, but I'm here, and the account I've been using has been amalgamated with my old one, so I guess people who knew me might see recent posts with my name on it. With that in mind I felt I needed to explain how that happened. Also, for a long time I've wanted to apologize for not replying to the truly kind posts I had here months ago.

It is good to see you post Hun!

Thanks, Cerella. LOL. I just typed, "Like your avvie," then realized I was looking at your sig pic.

The avvie is eyecatching too! I was glad to find out that the "tatts" are temporary.

felici sooooo good tosee your face again i missed you a lot.

Thanks, lena. It's great to see your face here too.

Funny thing about the face felici's posting. If I take a photo now, I can't see it! Dammit - I've regained too much weight.

While I was posting as kafeli, that felici pic used to bug me, and I had intended to take it down, because it seemed too different to the way I look now. However, when I started posting in this diary I found that I liked seeing the photo - which after all I picked from probably 50 because it was the one that most appealed to me! So maybe I will leave it up because I like to see that friendly familiar face and because I'd like to be able to take another photo of it. I guess it's kinda like having the dress you want to fit into as an avvie, or the bikini. (Though I have NO bikini ambitions.)

Ha ThanxIm proud of how the girls turned out!I am on Team One...Team Tits!LOL tha tis cuz Team Two called themselves Team Sweet Cheeks and have ass Avs!

Ya I like my siggy too, we got some really good shots of us bu tI am looking better and feeling better so I think it is showing...

Yep. All the girls look good! I noticed the ass avs round about too. This is a pretty cheeky forum one way and another.

It most certaintaly is!

well i like your face around... some positivity is always a good motivator

Well when I look at my face in the mirror, I tend to just focus on the middle bit and that hasn't changed. (Dratted photos tell a different story.) I see the same expression today as then though.

I am feeling exceptionally positive right now.

Recently I feel that I've made some really significant progress with what I know about the problems I had with binge eating. I keep thinking that I must have already known these things before. Possibly, I could go back in this thread and find all the things I know that relate to it, already written down. I do keep coming across things that I have previously looked at, which seem to be pointing straight to what seems like a revelation now. But I don't remember having these thoughts before, and I don't remember seeing anyone else say what I think now. Again, as with my own words, others have said things that point straight this way - but I didn't hear what they said as meaning this exact thing. Maybe it was because I didn't think of myself as having a problem with anxiety and maybe it was because I didn't recognize that I even had a problem with binge eating until around this time last year.

Maybe it's oldtimers disease?

I have spent my whole life trying to articulate the short versions of what I want to say with very limited success. Today my short version is that I have a problem with anxiety, which I did realize once or twice before. I can influence the amount of anxiety I have a lot. I can try to change the issues that stress me (useful, slow and difficult), and I can try to deal with the issues that come up in a way that doesn't increase my anxiety (useful, quick, repetitious). I can do things that reduce it. When I reduce it enough the binge eating goes away.

That's a short story so short that it seems almost untruthful to me because so much is left out. Still it seems like a revelation to me just now.

I'm glad you're feeling positive today!

Don't you love these wonderful moments of enlightenment.

Anxiety tends to trigger my binging as well, along with stress, and depression, and boredom, and the fact that I just love to eat. Lol.

I found that immediately recognizing the triggers is a step in the right direction of diffusing the problem at it's core, in the midst of the moment.

I guess I see anxiety as something that comes after stress. I have binged for many reasons over the years, but a year ago, the whole of what I'd been doing without massive stress (and mostly without bingeing), for the previous year was totally derailed by binge eating and I honestly was stymied. I hadn't run out of ideas for what to TRY, but I had run out of certainty about what would work. I'm confident now that the underlying issue was anxiety.

I totally agree about recognizing the triggers. The change for me now is that instead of recognizing triggers for bingeing, I'm now looking at triggers for anxiety and trying to influence THAT as you say, at its core, in the midst of the moment.