Well, the best laid plans ... you know how that goes.

After that last post, I pushed my luck in the heat, and tried to sleep without doing enough to get and keep me cool, so until I finally got up, showered, and put my fan on, sleep was elusive. Payback for me saying I don't have a problem getting to sleep I suppose. That was a bad night. I stayed in bed for a long time, but woke a lot. Early in the night I was dreaming I was in a new house which was too small and bare and in which I was trapped. I woke, yep my reality is better. I slept. My tummy got bitten. I slept. I woke. And in the morning I had a long complicated dream in which my husband and I adopted three African refugees. It started out as a "how can we not do it", we'll cope, everyone's happy dream, and morphed into me dreaming I was awake and relieved, because OMG how could we afford 3 new children, then finding out it wasn't a dream. One of the children turned out to be an incredibly cute baby, who then started speaking Spanish - he had grey hair with a bald patch - damn it he conned us - but then again he was so tiny, he could hardly look after the children himself, I suppose people do what they need to cope ... I finally woke up and was SURE I did not want to be in bed any longer!

If you saw what my school looked like (the children), you would get that this dream (and the earlier one) screamed SCHOOL and RELAX and BACK OFF to me ... I do have a lot of things established at work now, and though I haven't done anything towards school since Friday night, I do have some preparations complete for the coming week. Yeah. It's time reclaim some space.

There was lots to do for home and my girl yesterday, so I still didn't make it to the health club in time. I did decide that I don't have time to make that mp3 work, and found a way to buy headphones for my phone though. I did ring mum and had a long convo while I was working at home. I did go to bed early and slept long and well. This morning my back was sore from lying so long. I did some movements for it. I got breakfast started and showed my husband my bites which had gone crazy and were looking eczma-ish and he said he thought it might be shingles. It did look like it - so off I raced to the doc. Nope. It's okay - just madly irritating bites. That was my health club time gone again though. So anyway, I went there long enough to weigh in. Then I went and checked out a new one that opened last year, then I went for a great walk in the bush with the dog. My body was really screaming out for the exercise by then. My body and my emotions I guess. No matter how I tried, I wasn't getting over the hump I was at, using my mind alone, I needed the movement.

Well, I might need more than adding exercise I suppose, but hopefully I'm at a spot where I can back off on work a bit, and up the exercise a bit, and get a more balanced day and week for myself.

Anyway, the new club is nice. It has the advantage of being open Saturdays and Sundays til 7 pm. The main pool will be crowded compared to my current club, and has kids, but it has a therapy pool which is smaller but ok, and empty. The main reason I wouldn't just switch is that the bikes in the gym are too tall for me, and I wouldn't be able to ride them. I think the reason I learned to ride and enjoy the ones in my current club last year is that they are lower than normal, and I'm guessing that the reason I never managed it previously (because the pain was so extreme) was that exercise bikes normally are too high for me. I particularly liked the bikes because they were so great for my knees. Another disadvantage with the new club is that it has a food bar near the public pool area. I don't fancy walking in and out past the gigantic chocolate muffins they had there today. Soooo. I think I'll stay where I am, and maybe pay to just use the other pool on a casual basis. Both the clubs are just a short detour from my drive home from school, so .... I dunno ... maybe I need to rethink when/how I try to fit exercise into the schedule.

Of course, actually I can do other exercise at home, and I can walk virtually any day. However, I would like to ride a bike sometimes, plus at times there are issues with daylight and at other times there are issues with sore feet! If I've worked all day or on Saturday's maybe shopped a lot, I often come home with my feet already sore, and the last thing I feel like is going for a walk. A swim or an exercise bike might be really appealing though - just for the stretch and the aerobic aspects.


Anyway, the walk was great. It's hot today but bearable. I strode out, I listened to my music and it just felt right. I'm not ecstatic after it but I feel better than I did.

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/c...t/IMG_5925.jpg

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/c...t/IMG_5927.jpg

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/c...t/IMG_5928.jpg

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/c...t/IMG_5932.jpg

http://i212.photobucket.com/albums/c...t/IMG_5934.jpg

The scales at the club turned out to be close to my home scales right now. 88.9 kg (195.5 lb). The lowest weight I got to 18 months ago was 66 point something kgs, so I'm still way up on that, but I'm getting there.

lol weird dreams! i had them too last night! but it was purely because i was relaxed and eating healthy and stuff

:O 5 hours! For a craving?!
You are so lucky... it takes about 3-5 hours for me to feel full after a meal. No matter HOW big it is.

I'm glad you are doing well overall though (sleep-related issues aside) just remember there will be good days and bad days, and hopefully they will go from "bad" to "okay". You wouldn't want all good days anyhoo; it's just make you spoiled.

Have fun

Wishes - Ta. I think you might have been implying that I was over reacting - and I agree. There's stuff been going on with me that I need to take notice of - but equally I tried so hard to relax this weekend, and all I did was get myself into a totally over anxious state. Worrying about being worried. I finished up Sunday night responding to irrational ideas without properly articulating them. I was of course telling myself to relax, etc etc - but really failing. I think I needed to notice what the underlying issues were for me, and see that there wasn't much real evidence to support my anxiety.

Once I got back to school and had to just do things and observe what was happening (which really was all pretty good), I got a better perspective again.

Qjay - I didn't say it took me 5 hours - I was just hoping that was what you meant (I'm glad I thought that too, cos I reckon it helped). Really it seems that it takes me all different amounts of time - but I have been told that it seems like it will last forever, but that isn't true, it can be out waited and outlived and moved on from, without being acted on. I believe that is true for me.

I just logged on now to kinda touch base here. I see that when I do, I eat better. My food was bad today. I had a training session after school, with nibbles, and I thought it would be ok to eat because it's common for me to eat then anyway - only I ate all the types of things they had crap included and that has sparked a binge - not my worst ever, but not good. I really don't feel like getting out of it right now either, I'm sort of having an emotionally restful night I guess, and I don't want to take up my responsibly eating persona again.

But what if I don't ...

I know the impact's not really worth it - this thing is like a rash that starts from one little lump and spreads a bit further every day till the itching interferes with every other thing.

I wish they didn't sell muffins at my school though.

Nah, nah, nah. I am so NOT doing muffins. All I have to do is let my assistant be the one that walks the children to the canteen (and it usually is her), plus I need to take my banana, and drink my coffee. I like that stuff! I like bananas. Plus I need to never put money on an account there, and never take my purse out my storeroom. Sheesh - muffins so close to my room ... Trouble was I started thinking about their morning tea food already because we ran out of bananas yesterday. It was too awkward to buy anything though and then I remembered I had back up food in my drawer. I ate a little tin of flavoured tuna. It was solid enough that it helped. For some reason I've been more hungry this week - cooler temperatures? poorer discipline sparking more of a cycle? I have been having sweet things - just small amounts but ... probably that hasn't helped anything much. I need to try to tighten up again - it will give me a more peaceful time with my food.

Argh, the food struggle!!! I know it well. Fucking muffins!

That walk is so gorgeous, how cute that the dog turns are waits for you periodically, I love that! I think you're dealing with the stress from work rather well, bravo! Take care!

p.s. I have the weirdest dreams--extremely gory and violent. I dunno why, but I DO watch a lot of horror movies

The world's most perfect food. Not even continental divide can change that

Dreaming Is Free. Just another song I fed off of to make me believe I could 'get there' on this journey. At my heaviest, all I had were dreams, come to think of it...

Maybe our real inner-strengths come from chasing those dreams, case-by-case, of course.

Aww, I like this sketch about dreaming at 3:45: "I hate to dream, dreaming takes energy--sleeping is supposed to be a relaxing affair! I lay down on the bed; it feels great, next thing you know I have to build a go cart with my ex landlord!" HAHA YouTube - Mitch Hedberg 2004 Just For Laughs gala

Yep the food struggle. Thank the gods it's not every day.

I do like to walk with the dog, usually. She's not always the one in front - just when I get that photo feeling. Thanks for the vote of confidence. I do need those sometimes, especially lately.
Oh yeah, Blondie!! I love Blondie - but I hadn't properly listened to that song before. It is really very cool too. Thank you.

EDIT: I can't find where it was, that you were asking about us swapping the weather - I hope your summer is on the way - we had rain today - and now I'm wearing a jacket. It's nice. I hope your sun is about to do the right thing by you too.

LOLOLOL What a great clip. I hadn't watched that guy before.
"I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2000 of something!" Dunno about that - but I like the attitude.

He is spot on about the dreaming too.

Though of course, Randy's right about the positive side of it.

I guess I'm lucky that usually my sleep is just a source of pleasure for me. Just once in a while I get some kinda creepy dream that stays with me into the day and seems like a message from another part of myself. I have paid attention to those in the past too, and rightly I think. I'm glad I got my cool back about it though. Last night was good and today was good.

What's with that flopping 10 images rule ... Okay, okay, new post.

Example of my proper snacks here:

My after school snack for today.

One piece of wholemeal bread, toasted on one side. Some light cheese sliced as thin as I could make it go on the other side, and bubbled under the griller. A fresh mushroom sliced onto the cheese, and some sliced black olives on top of the mushroom and back under the grill. Yum. Warm, balanced, low GI. Makes me feel goooood! (and a cup of coffee )

Mmmm... olives....

So, two things:
1. Any candy at all can set me off onto a binge. Try going for a week (come on, it's just a week!) without any to see if it helps reduce the daily binge urge. I won't do anything at all to help with the big urges, but it cuts down on some of the little ones.

2. My roomie turned me on to a tasty treat: Hot oranges! I put it in the micronuker for 30 seconds, spin it over, and 30 sec more (just an orange, about fist sized, peel still on it) and then slice it into several thin wedges. ZOMG it's good, and not bad for you, but the heat makes everything flow through your mouth and wake up those tastebuds in a very pleasant way.

Have fun

THIS IS AWESOMEI was so happy to read this!!!

aaawwwIm sorry abt the bingeEverytime thou you say it wasnt as bad as before and that is progress...It sounds like you have a plan of attack, now you just need to follow it throu

That orange sounds delicious, I need to try that!And I think that sounds like a good plan

OMG that dream was wow...whenever i have dreams as intense as that one i feel some breakthrough is about to happen and it usually does...and it even doesn't matter if the dream was good or bad..just damn intense and i always perceive it as cleaning out my subconsciousness of all the tensions, negativism, and fears.

sorry to hear about the bingeing. i had a few of those in the past week...nothing to freak me out but still a binge. i guess i need some self-discipline skills hehe.

hope you have a wonderful day and manage to relax a bit.
lena

Ugh. You came online today purposely to cramp my Friday night binge attitude didn't you Qjay?

I have done the no sugar thing and I see its value. That was approximately what I meant about tightening up.

Tonight I have shopped and bought nothing worse than skinny cow desserts and Anzac biscuits. Also I have been to the video store and not bought Trumpets (might have been a different story if they'd been peppermint though - because by then I had drunk a glass of wine - half a glass according to the glass but those big glasses lie), actually picked up a creme egg at the video shop but omg it turned out to be caramel, I really only wanted chocolate or truffle - another narrow escape), figured out that the evening would be better with salad and that I might be too lazy to make it - so a nice (veggies only) salad with no dressing from Subway - my husband caught crabs today - crabs we'll EAT - what were you thinking! ... and here I am ... no large amounts of evil in the house and quite a lot of indulgence via videos and lack of kitchen effort - and even no kids.

I don't know about trying to be very strict re: the no sugar again. I have done it before and it does a great job on the cravings ... but I am not sure that's the path I want now - not just cos I feel lazy tonight, but also because I got such a backlash. What I will do is start a post. My next post, and make that my food for the week post. I'll add calories on the days when I have enough time, and I'll link to it from the stats link in my siggie.

This salad is not at all bad ...

We have a three day weekend this weekend. What a double whammy. Three days off and only four back on! .

Anyway, I was thinking tonight that I finally understand how people become alcoholics - because I had that bit of wine - and I am such a cheap drunk - I could feel it all the way to the soles of my feet ... Three day weekend probably helped too ...

Thanks for that orange tip Qjay - it sounds fully deliciouso! Our weather is changing, a bit, and the cool always brings out the eater in me, and the desire for warm food with it ... nuked orange it will be! Oranges are supposed to be an especially great fruit too, for we sugar challenged folk, cos so fibrous.


Thanks for the visit, Cerella, and the encouragement. I know you have a lot on your own plate. Mind you, sometimes, encouraging other people is good for our own habits ummm. use of the royal we there - I mean me of course - since my second post here, I've found that writing something aimed at helping another poster has always strengthened my own resolve. I don't do it for that reason - it's a nice bonus though. I hope you get yours hun.

Kerry - Yes Im dealing with stuff but you are a good friendSeems like you have gotten through your night las night with glitches or binges....Way to go BabeWooHoo to long weeikends but I cant really complain, I work 4 days on and 3 days offI always have Monday offTaneesha and I spend it together

Suffer!
And enjoy

I highly recommend combining the two of these with a bottle of cheapish wine, warmed on the stove top with a few sliced up oranges, and some other assorted fruit, some cinnamon, nutmeg, and cumin (just a little of each for flavor) all heated to just under steaming.

It's a tasty mulled wine, and does wonderful things for your state of relaxation. Just be careful if you get the munchies when you drink (I know I do!)

Have a great weekend!