Hi kezzy. Thanks for your welcome. I value it.

I don't know that my long posts are a good example for any one else to follow. They are probably just a long winded turn off for many readers.

I think they are my way of finding out what I think. Probably, once I have written them I could often take a whole bunch out and make them easier to read.

This is the short version of this post!

I just had another look at last night's post.

It looks like it's about nothing to me now, but at the time I actually I still felt strongly like having a binge when I sat down at the computer. The little rant pulled me through though so the scare went totally away. It has made me realize I need to plan pretty careful for how to cope with changes to my routines. How happy am I that I have this place now to help keep me safe from attacks like that!

Well this has been a low day for me overall. Hard, hard work getting my son to school this morning - first day after daylight saving started. Also just felt off. It is 5.40pm now and I am conscious that my sinuses are not good. That would have been impacting all day despite my medication this morning. I wonder if the changes I've made to my food are impacting too. I feel like it's such an effort do anything - low on energy and little snacks (like just now a tomato juice) make me feel somewhat revived. I have a blurry, not quite dizzy, feeling a lot of the time. I don't remember things I have just thought about and I find it hard to make decisions. Like I have a mooshy sponge brain. I don't know. I managed to replace the too small handbag without a shoulder strap. That might help me shop and run errands without feeling so muddled.

This morning I had a feeling that I so know was the exact one that has previously preceded me not eating properly any more - just "it's all too hard". Lucky I have made this internet commitment, and I will keep going. I am not quite sure that my plan is what it should be. I checked an old plan and saw that when I put back half my chicken on Saturday, I was putting back something I needed to eat!! That was right before I started to find this difficult too. Yet on the other hand I wonder if I'm eating too much!! I eat a little more than the 1100cal plan I was given recently.

I weighed myself again today. It is one week since I joined but only 5 days since I weighed myself. I have lost .8 kilo (1 .75 lb) since then. It looked a bit inadequate to me, but when I got home I worked out that if I kept that rate up I could be at my goal weight in three quarters of a year.

So anyway, I'm not excited, but I am plugging away. I am about to take the dog for a walk. If I do that this will be the first day so far that I am on track for all the bits of my plan in one day.

This site is still good for me. This morning I was dragging myself around but I kept remembering little things I've been reading here. Especially one about time passing anyway, so you might as well lose weight while it passes - don't know if I put that properly. I don't remember whose thought it is either (Maleficent?) I will attribute it later. Also I was reading Cannon's diary where he was struggling a bit too start exercising (but I see he has done really well, and is still here), and I said hi to SaturdaySaint and Tromble in the chat room. I have never chatted at all on the net before so that was fun.

I started this plan thinking the amount of complex carbohydrates I was getting might prevent sugar withdrawal, but maybe it hasn't. Maybe some of my discomfort is from that. Not about blood sugar and insulin levels like the dietician I just saw was talking about, more about something that happens in the brain, I think. I can't quite remember my Kathleen DesMaisons on this. I have a vague idea she said days 3-5 are the worst for it. Found it – she says it takes 5 days and day 4 is the worst.
Radiant Recovery
But I found this from someone else.
With sugar addiction, the withdrawal symptoms may be weakness, slight nausea, headache, and other fairly mild but possibly uncomfortable symptoms……… sugar withdrawal symptoms may last for a week or two. Some people may experience little or no discomfort at all.
Sugar Addiction - How to Take the First Steps Towards Health
Wikipedia says:
Withdrawal symptoms have been reported, including headaches, fatigue, tremors, anxiety and depression.

Well. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. It's comforting to think I might just need to persist a while to get past some of my slowed down feeling.

Hi Felici,
Sorry I didn't get in here earlier to say hi. Looks like you've been struggling a bit. Chin up you will get there! 3 Quarters of a year though, those thoughts would get anyone down. I think that's why I failed so many times in the past, I felt like I was putting in so much effort for little gain. But yes time does pass anywayz! Make sure your having a really good multi vitamin, I use the Natures Own Multi with Omega 3 Fish oil - it's really good and give me back my energy when it's lacking. I really notice it when I forget to take it. Isn't this daylight savings thing an adjustment!! We had dinner tonight at 8pm and it was still light out, felt really strange.
I thought I would post you a little blurb I found a while back, it really helped me stay focused at the beginning, I printed it out and stuck it on the fridge.
Anyway, well done so far, stick to it and your going to look
and feel sensational!!

Climb The Mountain
I tried to climb the mountain today. As I inched my way up the path, I felt out of breath and had to turn back.
I tried to climb the mountain today. But, It was so hot outside, I thought I had better stay in my nice air-conditioned house and rest up for tomorrow's attempt.
I tried to climb the mountain today. On my journey, darkness started to fall and I was full of fear, so I had to return to a safe place.
I was ready to climb the mountain today. But I had so may other things to do, so instead of climbing the mountain I took care of the much more important tasks; I washed my car, mowed the grass and watched the big game. Today the mountain will have to wait.
I was going to climb the mountain today. But as I stared at the mountain in all it's majestic beauty, I knew I had no chance of making it to the top, so I figured why even begin trying.
I had forgotten about climbing the mountain today, until an old friend came by and asked what I was up to lately. I told him about all my plans to climb that mountain someday. I went on and on about how I was going to accomplish the task.
He stopped me and said, "I just got back from climbing that mountain. for the longest time I told myself I was going to try to climb it but never made any progress."
"I almost let the dream of making it to the top die. I came up with every excuse of why I could not make it up the mountain, but never once did I give myself a reason why I could. One day as I stared at the mountain and pondered, I realized that if I didn't make an attempt at this dream all my dreams would eventually die."
" The next morning, I started my climb. It was not easy, and at times I wanted to quit. But no matter what I faced, I placed one foot in front of the other, keeping a steady pace. When the wind tried to blow me over the edge, I kept walking. When the voices inside my head screamed, stop! I focused on my goal, never letting it out of sight. I kept moving forward. I could not quit because I knew I had come too far to stop now. Time and time again, I reassured myself that I was going to finish this journey. I struggled mightily to make it to the top, but I CLIMBED THE MOUNTAIN."
"I have to be going," my friend said. "Tomorrow is a new day to accomplish more dreams. By the way what are you going to do tomorrow?"
I looked at him, with intensity and confidence in my eyes, and said, "I HAVE A MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB."Author unknown

Thanks Melly P. I really do appreciate the support.

Strangely, I wasn't thinking that three quarters of a year was so long.

Too many times I have thought about buying clothes at the end of the summer and wondered what size I would be the next summer! If I lost a kilo a week I could buy normal clothes next summer!! The years are speeding up on me.

Good idea about the multivitamin by the way. I 'll do that.

I started wondering about my dizziness last night, checked and found my blood pressure and pulse were up. Though I'm overweight, that is still very unusual for me. I woke up feeling much better and checked on known side effects for the decongestant I have been using for my sinus problems - I have one of the "stop taking immediately" side effects, and 75% of the others. All the odd feelings I've been having are covered in the list - including anxiety. Well that is one medication I can do without! I can think of alternatives without much difficulty.

I am now looking forward to today! •

Yes!! A good day after 2-3 difficult ones. I'm feeling much more normal again, not especially hungry. No cravings. Noticed the baddies in the supermarket after school because I was getting hungry - poured myself a tomato juice before I left, and it was still on the bench when I got back! Overall good. On track for everything.

I used some Fess on my sinuses - they have improved. I found MellyP's post yesterday a big help too. Thanks again Melly.

Today I had a close look at 2 sheets I have here. One is the original eating plan I was given when I had gestational diabetes and the other is a recent diet I was given a few weeks ago by a dietician. The first is a plan that I know how to do and which ended up making me 8-10 kilos lighter after each baby, than I was before I got pregnant. I was told by the diabetes educator that if I kept going on it I would keep losing weight afterwards.

The second sheet, the diet, came from a dietician who works from my local GPs, but it seems to me, she might be a new graduate. Anyway, I saw her twice. I have taken on board a couple of things she said, but when it's come to what I've eaten this past week, I have been pretty much going by my recollection of my old plan. The only thing is now I don't make myself have the snacks unless I'm hungry. The two sheets are not dissimilar - but the differences are pretty important I think. I would lose weight faster using the diet sheet she gave me, but I would be truly scared that it would trip me up and send me back to bad eating. I didn't even try to use it because when I saw it I instantly perceived it as a diet (like "Danger!! Danger!!"), and because she didn't say anything about why she was suggesting it - she barely explained what was involved.

I just decided to stop seeing her, but still felt somewhat guilty. After all I had gone to her to get an up-to-date response to my fat and diet issues. Why did she suggest this diet? Is my weight so dangerous that I should be on an emergency diet? She didn't say it was a long term plan. She said I should do it for now and that we would move on to something more flexible later.

Well, worrywart that I am, I guess I will just have to live with that worry. It would be too totally scary for me to try something drastic. One of my good eating patches in the past faltered when I tried to speed things up with this eat-all-the-vegetable-soup-you-want-diet some heart doctor made for emergency heart surgery patients.

For now I am thinking that maybe it was just as well all I did was flee her consultations. Looking at the diet again I see that it would be possible to go on it and not even get the 5 serves of veges a day that is recommended for everyone. Also it is 1100 calories. My first instant response to looking at the page was that if I tried it I would be massively hungry, and today I see that several people on this site say your body goes into starvation mode under 1200 calories. Surely if I needed an emergency diet my doctor would have said so. Hmmm. Well I'll stick with what I'm doing.

Anyway I'm still on track. I feel a bit excited tonight. I know I'm still at the beginning, but I am headed the right way and feeling confident again.

I woke up feeling great today. This is the first day in a while that I have felt ready to wake up when I needed to. I was excited and looking forward to the day. What is different about today than yesterday or the day before? I don't know. I am feeling good enough that I don't care. I actually feel euphoric - better than I have for years. (It's a bit weird really.)

Possible reasons
- the holiday's are coming? (Not a lot quicker than they were on Monday, though).
- over my no sugar hump. (Though I have done that before.)
- because I lost weight. (One kilo?? I've done that countless times.)
- sinus's feel better. (But it's normal for them to feel fine, and they're still not perfect).
- more confidence in my health (Have felt a bit like this before - not as sure though and not as high.)
- took a multivitamin? Might have helped - I've never done that before.
- finished my anti-oestrogen drugs. Last one last Thursday. Actually still would prefer to have some extra chemicals on my side, and have never thought Tamoxifen made me depressed, but maybe because I started taking it when I was feeling somewhat low anyway, I just didn't notice the difference? I could have thought it was because I was not yet over the chemo, or because I was having radiotherapy, or because my family was JUST TOO DAMN NOISY! or because I didn't get the job I had been training for, or because I felt sad enough to visit a counsellor. Yep. All that happened in the first few months after I started taking it. Would it take 6 days to make a difference now though?
- because I walked the dog 3 days in a row? Maybe. That counsellor did tell me a half hour walk made as much difference as one antidepressant tablet.
- because I felt so pleased with myself last night that I felt entitled to a relaxation exercise and really deep (for me) meditation? Maybe that played a part.
- because I don't feel guilty? Because I am doing what I think I should? Have my priorities straight? That could make quite a difference.

- All of the above??

This really feels biochemical. Like there's NOOOO reason. I'm just happy!!

Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, Da da da da da da da
I knew that I would, now na na na na na na
I fee-ee-eel good, Da da da da da da da
I knew that I would, now na na na na na
So good, so good, I got you
Woaoaoaoa!!

Gotta do some work now. I keep raving on here - but haven't included as much detail about diet and exercise I want when I'm looking back wondering what might be going right or wrong.

So here's yesterday's:

Breakfast ~ 7:30 1 wholemeal muffin, 1 tspn margarine, 1 tspn strawberry jam, 1 boiled egg, 2 weetbix, Splenda, 3/4 C (~190ml) SoGood (Lite soy milk ~ 80cal, 1.8 gm fat, .2 gm saturated fat, 0 transfat = 1 milk serve). White coffee. (Forgot the vege). Lunch ~ 12.00 1 boneless chicken thigh, fat trimmed, oven roasted w/o extra fat, 2 slices wholemeal bread, 1 small carrot, 5 snowpeas, 1 medium pear. White coffee. Snack ~ 4.15 1 C tomato juice (unsweetened), 1 small peach Dinner ~ 7.15 1 small carrot eaten while cooking! Spaghetti 1 C cooked. 100gm tinned red salmon, 2 tspn olive oil, 1/2 onion, garlic, 1/4 capsicum, 1/2 stick celery, 1 flouret broccoli, 100 gm tinned tomato, 2 mushrooms. 1 tub (200 gm) diet Apricot yoghurt (= 2 serves milk). (White coffees prob.~ 1/2 C milk during day = 1 serve milk)
Excercise: Walked to rec centre and back. About 5 little blocks to get there? Takes 20-30 mins all up? Need to check. Brisk - feel a little puffed after, not much. Jogging each time I crossed a street the other day made me feel more puffed, but I worry about my knees and ankles - maybe wait till I'm back on glucosamine (rash is almost gone). I could extend the walk without changing the little bushy, leaf littered turn around point, which is my favourite part and my reward that I look forward to, by just going to some other places first. So far I have been squeezing the walk in at the last moment - good for walking quickly, bad for how long I walk for. Water: Probably about 1 1/2 litres (ie 8 glasses). Bedtime: 11:00

Hey, sounds like you're really getting on track! Glad to hear you're feeling good, it might be the same sort of rush I felt when I started to really get into my current eating and exercising plan and realised it was all working, that all I had to do was what I was already doing, and I could achieve my goals!

Congratulations on the loss so far!

Thanks Tomble!!

I think you're right about that!

For Wednesday 13 December

This is a netball day. I didn't prepare any dinner before I went, hence a late meal. I noticed I was really hungry on the way there while at the supermarket, so bought and ate a vege snack. After dinner I got caught up on the computer. I forgot to finish eating some of my veges for that meal and when I noticed them much later on, I ate them then. I had meant to buy more yoghurt on the way to netball, then realized it would be out of the fridge too long, and planned to add fruit to some natural low fat yoghurt in the fridge, but after dinner was never that hungry, or thinking that I wanted anything more - so skipped dessert! That puts me a little down on my fruit for the day, but I usually have the yoghurt just to feel satisfied, so I was happy not to feel that I needed it.

Breakfast ~ 7:30 1 wholemeal muffin, 1 tspn margarine, 1 tspn strawberry jam, 1 boiled egg, 2 weetbix, Splenda, 3/4 C SoGood , 1 C coffee with 50ml Hi-Lo milk / C total ~1/3 serve milk. 1 C tomato juice. Snack Coffee with milk. Lunch ~ 12.30 1 boiled egg, 2 slices wholemeal bread, 1 tomato, 5 snowpeas, 1 small peach. White coffee. Snack 3.00 1 corn thin with rye and caraway white coffee 5:20 1 Carrot, 2 mushrooms, 2 sticks celery Dinner ~ 7.45 ½ C “Velish” vege soup, 140 gm grilled lamb, 5 grilled mushrooms, 1 grillled tomato, 1 C spaghettiSnack 1 carrot, 1/3 capsicum, ½ stick celery Excercise: 16 min brisk walk, quite puffed (that’s about as quick as my quick walk to rec can be done) Add a little bit next time – go to near park first. Water: 2000ml Bedtime: 11:00

This is my avatar. It is too small to see properly on this website, but I don't want to change it yet because I've only just joined and I want people to remember who I am!


I've seen that pic in a few places, but the first time I saw it, the caption was:
"You can do it"!

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Oh I like that "Weight Loss Table". It made my 1 kg take up a whole page and gave me nice 45 degree downward slant!!