Once again I find myself really thankful for this site. Some people have amazing stories and others I can totally relate to. Thanks to all the people who post!

This is the second time in my life that I’ve become overweight. The last time I was at my ideal weight was only 4 years ago and at that time I swore it would be the last time and would keep myself there. I did it the right way losing weight a little at a time with exercise and good eating habits and it wasn’t a diet or entirely intentional at the time. It was a lifestyle, it’s simply how things were. Life threw me a curve ball and I lost myself to food and inactivity, and so this is how I came to be here.

Totally cliché to start a program for New Years, and on the eve of my 40th, nevertheless here I am.

I had actually begun a fitness regime last October. In my life I have run 2 marathons, the last one was in 1997. I was always a sporty gal. The city I live in has a marathon every year and I thought it would definitely motivate me to get fit when I have a very specific goal with an activity which I enjoy.

After fainting during a mileage building power walk, I learned that I have extremely high blood pressure (230) and therefore have a new motivation to lose weight.

I’m not unhappy about being of such poor health which dictates that I must loose weight, so it’s a blessing in disguise as I’m very unhappy being overweight and already know how good it feels when I’m thinner - so I see it as a win-win situation.

Today is day 3. I’m doing 1200 calories a day with the goal of 90 minutes of activity per day. I live in a big city so getting in some extra walking is easy when you just get off one train stop early and have an extra mile to walk, no problem.

It’s only been a couple of days and I’m embracing this more fully than I ever have any lifestyle change. In these 2 days it has occurred to me that I’m a boredom eater, and I always thought I was strictly an emotional eater. Over the past 4 years I have obviously developed a pattern of eating whenever I have time, and unfortunately I have lots of time. Since completing 2 full days so far, I find myself not knowing what to do with myself and the obvious option seems to be to feed. I have spent most of the day reminding myself that I’m not hungry and that I can find something else to do. What a terrible habit! I know it’s just a matter of time to break it.

You know, I know I've got it easy compared to a lot of people on this site. I live alone, no kids, and currently single. I cannot imagine trying to stay on program with other people's food and eating habits in the house. My hats off to you!! Nevertheless I'm nearly in tears over how low my self-control is. I actually went to bed extremely early last night to avoid giving in to my appetite.

Yesterday was only the second day and I found myself really spending a lot of time working through different scenarios that I could justify as a good excuse to fall off the wagon and eat something not on the program. I feel like I’m missing something and denying myself and all that brainwashing. I just keep shaking myself and say c’mon girl, it’s only been a day and you can’t even control yourself for two days in a row, what kind of a person have you become?! I know I can do better!

I’m really impressed with the people who put up their before and after pictures. I have a super fantastic before picture and I use it as inspiration - it was taken in Sept. 2001, not so long ago, and it makes me feel like it's a totally attainable goal to get back to that weight, even though it sometimes feels impossible when I look at myself now. However my now pictures make me want to run away screaming. I know it’s me, but… how… when did I get like this? I didn’t plan to become overweight and I kind of feel like I didn’t even notice it was happening. Of course I must have. I still don’t recognize myself in the reflection of store windows and I don’t have a single mirror that shows me below the shoulders. Talk about denial! Anyway, I think I might have to torture myself and take a now picture just in case it inspires someone the way others have inspired me.

So here’s me on day three, [somehow] full of energy and ready to out-stubborn my lack of self-control. The thinner me is far from perfect but at least I could recognize who she was when I saw the image. I want to see that person again.

I wonder if I can manage this without accepting my body as it is now and still get back to where I want to be. Upon reading that again I see that I haven't ever accepted my body which might explain why I hate that evil body-conscious work-out known as yoga.

Roll-on day 3