Hei, Siirike!
I read your diary and I wish you the best of luck in achieving your goals! And all the determination that you need since luck is never enough!
I sympathise especially with the fact that you never thought of having excess weight, I've had the same situation. Somehow it's still difficult to see myself in the mirror as being overweight.. Photographs are a different story alltogether.
Judging from the weather conditions you mentioned in one of your posts, you're actually somewhere in my part of the woods, today some degrees under zero, windy and snowing, tomorrow down to -10?? So, it'll take some serious clothes to go out for a walk. And walking IS exercise, isn't it?
Go for it!!
Best wishes,
Juliette

Thanks guys It´s so great to see that someone is actually keeping track of how I´m doing...

Yep, Juliette, I live in Estonia, so we´re in the same area We finally got some winter here, all that rain and fog was so depressing... I´d like to go skiiing as long as we have this beautiful weather, but need to get skis somewhere. We´ll see

Anyway, we seem to be in the same boat. I just CAN´T believe I´ve gotten so fat! Couple of days ago I accidentally took my old winter coat instead of the new one and tried to put it on (they look quite the same)... Oooh... I could hardly button it! And 2 years ago there was no problem putting 5 layers of clothing under it and then top it with a coat.

About this exercising-stuff... well, I couldn´t find a name for this exercise I´m doing (standing on two metal plates on top of each other and moving from side to side with a waist ) so I thought I´d just call it exercise. Actually I should say "no exercise besides walking" or smth like that and I´ll probably make up a name for it (exercise X or smth ). Anyway, I did it 20 minutes yesterday and walked 0.5 hours.

But now about the results of the second week... ouch.

Weight loss - 1 lousy pound (from 192 to 191). Total 6 pounds.
Water - less than 1l a day, khmm
Walking - about 4.5 hours = 3 hours less than I should have had
Exercise X - 20 minutes (need to do sooo much more)
Feelings, thoughts, mood - what was I thinking? No wonder I only lost 1 pound! Bad week.
Anyway, my boyfriend had a birthday so eating was pretty much out of control the whole weekend.
The only good thing about this week is that my BMI dropped and I´m officially "overweight" now, not "obese".

Last night I totally broke down and fell asleep crying. My boyfriend started cuddling and I just couldn´t bear him touching me! I felt so fat and ugly and so absolutely and utterly hopeless about ever going to lose this fat I just couldn´t help myself. I thought of all these previous times I had tried (all those ten years) and failed and how the only result has been becoming even more fatter and even more depressed... And how desperately I want to feel better and beautiful for once in my life. And every time I fail I believe less and less in my heart I´m ever going to make it. Oooh... Anyway, I think this is the first time he really understood HOW bad and desperate I feel about the way I look. He knew it before but thought I was just whining more than actually meaning it. And I´m really starting to doubt that he´ll love me just the same if I´d gain another 50 pounds. He says he does and I know he means it, but for how long? He can´t put up with a sad ugly fat woman with no self-confidence forever...
Oh geez. Just do it, girl.

So I decided to keep on fighting with my mood changes and weaknesses on a road to a better, happier, prettier me. No one can lose weight for me, I´m gonna have to do it myself. there´s so many people here who´ve lost 100 pounds and more, and I´m whining about my 50. Of course I can do it.

So I´ve set my exercising goals for this week - 7 hours of walking, 3 hours of this "exercise X" and jogging, even if it´s only 3 minutes. A start anyway.

So far I´ve done 45 minutes of walking and 20 minutes of "exercise X".

Hello there, Siirike!
Thanks for your kind words in my diary, it's nice to see someone is actually reading it besides me..
I read your last two posts above.. I'm SOOOO sure that you can make it. You sound determined enough!
I'm just a bit uncertain of the demands you set on yourself. 7+3 hours of exercise in a week?? That's hard for anyone.. I'm not saying you couldn't do it, but I think you're making this kind of hard for yourself...
Since you are the only one who really knows you, you know what works for you, but here's what I would do if I were you:
Goal for a week:
3 times 60 and 4 times 30 minutes walking (makes 5 hours total)
6 times 10 minutes of your mysterious exercise X (60 minutes total)
14 times 1-2 minutes jogging (that's two jogging sprints during all your walks), and I mean only 1-2 min at a time!!!
It's not much less than your original goal, it still makes 6 hours/week, but if you think about it, it's only 30 minutes more walking than you actually already did last week, so it's very doable. Some more excercise, but in shorter bits (easier to get yourself started, if you know it's over soon..)
It's always wise to set goals which you are very likely to reach, and can so get the wonderful and inspiring satisfaction of reaching them instead of the depressing disappointment of failing. When you've reached this goal, then set the next weeks goal a bit further, and believe in being able to reach it.
And when you do reach it, you feel that you are already able to do better this week than last week. That's a very good feeling and it's so much easier to keep yourself on track loosing weight if you feel good!! And you can keep on upping your goals every week that follows.
Since you are so sure of wanting to loose weight, make it easy for yourself, and you'll succeed!
Best wishes,
Juliette

Thanks Juliette for all your encouraging words!
Yes, maybe you´re right about the exercise. I´m pretty sure that these 7 hours of walking are okay, since I go everywhere on foot and that means about 1.5 hours a day if I´m not on vacation. I am now Last week was just a bit different cause I had a small flu and friends came by so that my schedule was messed up. So I won´t change that.
But you´re definitely right about the "exercise X" part (it´s so silly to call it that way ). It´s not a tough exercise but I tend to get bored of it after doing it every day for about a week or so. The problem might be just what you said - I do it too much at first. So I thought i won´t set any goals for this week and see how it goes

So today I did
walking - 1 hour
X - 10 minutes (had no time for more)
jogging - 2 minutes (a knee started to hurt. I´m not sure I´m gonna continue with this jogging-stuff until I´m about 10 pounds lighter)

Eating has been pretty much under control this far. I only need to get that water down somehow.

Just to keep track...
I´ve done 4 hours of walking so far and 50 minutes of X (gonna do some more later today).

Good work, Siirike! Keep it up..
Juliette

Thanks, Juliette
Guess what I found out today... Our friend´s friend is a journalist and she heard we´re having a chipmunk as a pet. Now she wants to do a story about us because there are only about ten families in Estonia having a chipmunk and many people don´t know this animal at all (well, they do, but the´re usually really surprised to hear it can be kept as a pet). Ooh, anyway, they´re coming next Saturday and I really hope they´re only gonna take pictures of our Tiku (chipmunk), not us. They´re gonna need an extra page of a newspaper to fit me in
Guess there´s no way of losing 40 pounds in a week ha-ha, so I´ll just try to keep away from that damn camera. I really start to wish we´d have taken an elephant, then I could at least hide behind it...

I used to know somebody who had two chipmunks as pets, small world..
But come on, I'm sure you already look different from before. 1. You've lost 5 pounds. 2. You must be feeling good about yourself, because you're in the process of doing something which is Good For You! (And if you haven't noticed that yet, I suggest you do. I have.) 3. There's a certain glow around a person who is determined and succeeding.
So you'll look stunning in those pictures with your chipmunks. And you'll get a reference photo for the future weeks so you see your progress..
Remember to smile!
Juliette

Hey you I am just jumping in...Thanx for beigna part of the Exercise CHallenege...it is great to have you and I will start droppin in here regularly to help push you along and check up on you!!!

Oh, I had a tamed chipmunk as a kid - although still wild.
Charlie had cherrios with me everyone morning out on the deck, until one morning Charlie brought HER babies with her

She would spend hours playing with me.

Not exactly an "official" pet, mom wouldn't let her in the house, but she felt ALL mine

Enjoy her and don't worry about the camera!

Juliette, you find positivity in everything! You´re great, thanks! And thanks, cinderelly, I hope to get a bike soon and start to post a bit bigger numbers
Well, I took a picture of myself in Jan. 9 in hope to do it same time every month and see my progress. It´s not 9th yet, but I couldn´t wait... The change was practically non-existent of course, but at least I know I am a bit lighter now (don´t know how much, because I´m not at home now and don´t want to weigh myself here). I also planned to start posting these photos every month to keep me on track but since there is nothing much to see yet I´ll do it in March.
So I dont´know the results of my third week and lost track on exercising, too (meaning I really don´t know how much I did it this week). It´s hard to follow everything when visiting your friends... but I don´t mind, we´re having a great time!

M2M, your story was sooo cute! They´re fantastic animals, I absolutely fell in love with my Tiku when I first saw him! And he definitely expresses his emotions very clearly It seems your Charlie had a bit different character cause Tiku is grumpy in the mornings. It´s so funny to see him sitting on a branch, sleepy and grumpy, until he becomes cheerful again and starts his busy-busy day Or maybe Charlie just didn´t leave home until she saw life in brighter colours again

Good morning, have a good day!!!

I´m in 180s!!!
Happyhappyhappy