Hi, I´m Siirike, I´m 23 years old and desperately need to lose weight (sounded a bit like an AA-meeting...). First of all, I apologize for my English - it´s not my native lng, so if I say something stupid accidentally, be kind

Okay, as many of us here, I´ve been fat for all my life. It started as a child when my dad brought home all kinds of sweet stuff and spoilt me. I´m the youngest child and all my siblings had left home already so I had to eat that all up by myself. And of course I did. The sad thing is that though I don´t live at home any more, he always has tons of chocolate and ice cream waiting for me when I go visit him and mom. And damn, that´s hard to resist!

As a teenager, I started to try all kinds of diets and stuff, but never had enough patience. So I´ve been basically tried to lose weight for ten years now. When I think back now, I was never actually that fat to feel bad about it, but I still did. My biggest weight was around 173 lbs and I´m 5 ft 7, so it was not that bad at all, just a bit soft here and there. Compared to what I am now, at least...

Last spring I gained over 20 lbs. I was graduating from university then and damn, that was hard! I didn´t know till the very end if I´m gonna make it and if I finally did, it was such a relief I didn´t hold back on anything. Cakes, pizzas, burgers, looots of meat, ice cream, chocholate... I also quit a job where I had to stand and walk a lot and there I was - stressed, tired, no excercise and awful appetite. After graduating I felt that I needed a reward and instead of buying something nice for myself or going somewhere with my boyfriend, I only sat and ate. When my mother tried to tell me that I should cut back a little, I only got angry and said that it´s nobody´s business to judge me because of my weight.

... Until I stepped on a scale... 196 lbs!!! I had never been so big! And the weird part is that I really don´t feel I´m that big. Only the clothes don´t fit and photos are awful...

So now I´ve decided to finally lose that fat and become pretty, sexy, healthy and happy We´re gonna have our 4th anniversary on April 22 and I´m gonna look awesome! Okay, I´ve actually thought like that 3 previous years also and never succeeded, but THIS time...

About 5-6 years ago in high school men were all around me.. I mean, staring on streets and asking out and all that Now no one looks at me when I go somewhere and no man has wanted to come up to me for a long time. Don´t get me wrong, I don´t want to meet anyone, I´ve got a fantastc boyfriend and I´m really happy with him, but... It would me nice to feel sexy and pretty again. And I´m reaaaally sorry for my boyfriend. He started dating with a pretty girl and now he has a desperate housewife + 25 pounds of fat. I´d really like to give him back the girl he met. He´s wonderful and has always said that it doesn´t matter to him how much I weigh, but I remember the look in his eyes when I was smaller...

So I decided to try again. First of all, because of myself, cause I really don´t feel good about myself right now and meeting people I haven´t met for a long time is a real nightmare. AND I get so tired from just walking a bit faster that it starts to become scary. And most of all - if I can´t get myself together and lose that damn fat, I´ll diet, worry and feel bad for the rest of my life. I´ve already wasted ten years of my life feeling bad about myself... it can´ t go on like this forever.

First of all, I plan to make a little fruit-and-veggie diet for a week to get me started and then follow the WW program. Lots of water of course and lots of walking. When my school starts again in mid Feb, I´ll just walk there and back every day (about 1.5 hours). If I have time, of course. For now, I´ll just have to figure smth else out, but my weekly "dose" is 7 hours of walking. This far, I´ve done 1.5 And exercise! That´s the hardest part...

I also took pictures of myself and promised to take new ones same time every month to follow my progress. I´ll post them here in my diary even if I haven´t lost a single pound, just to keep me on track. We´ll see

Ow, and I wanted to say that I LOVE this pound-system! We use kg-s here where I live, but I calculate my results into pounds for this site just because the numbers go down so much faster with pound-system and it´s so motivating! Or maybe it´s just because it´s a new thing and I´m excited

Anyway, good luck to all of us!

Okay, the first day of my fruit and veggie diet went pretty well. I ate way too many grapes (over a kg.) and forgot to drink 2 glasses of water, but soup made it up, I guess.
i can´t remember when I last walked more than 30 minutes a day. Today it was an hour and would have been more, but I didn´t have enough time and had to take a bus. A good start, anyway
I really hope i´ll get to the excercises tomorrow. it´s so hard to start when you can only do it for two minutes and then collapse on a floor and swear never to touch that damn machine again. But I´m brave and gonna do it anyway

Starting an exercise program can be really hard, but it will get a lot easier if you just take it slow at first and stick to it.
It's always easiest for me to carry my water around with me everywhere (I'm completely addicted to ice water though, I drink a LOT), if you have water at hand all the time you end up drinking it more often without even thinking about it. If you're out a lot, carry a water bottle (especially on your walks), keep a glass of water next to you on the desk while you're on the computer, keep one with you while you watch TV, wherever you go keep some water with you. If you can easily see it, you'll be reminded to drink some a lot more often.
Good luck, keep it up!

Thanks Bethyness, i followed your advice and took a large bottle of water with me when watching TV and it is almost empty now. We have this weird weather here right now (supposed to be winter, but there has been no snow for months, only heavy wind and rain) so that walking and drinking cold water would probably make me ill straight away, but I´ll start carrying water with me when it gets warmer Aa, and "here" means Estonia

Anyway, another day, another pound My boyfriend changed scale battery today so I have no idea what it´s gonna show tomorrow morning... Hope the change is towards smaller numbers

I walked 1.5 hrs today, but had no time for exercise. I really MUST start with it tomorrow! But as for walking, i´ve done it 3 hrs. this week and there´s still 4 more days to go, so getting done these 7 hours of walking I promised shouldn´t be a big problem

Eating was also pretty much under control, to leave out these couple of pancakes I had. It didn´t make me feel any better and I almost forgot them when I thought about my today´s menu, so there was absolutely no point in eating them. I wasn´t even hungry!

I´m going to dentist tomorrow and don´t even want to think about it. The only good thing is that maybe I´ll not be able to eat for a while

Okay, another weighing! It was exactly the same as yesterday, so changing the battery didn´t change the results Yeeah!

Okay, off to the dentist now...

Well, I´m definitely gonna lose some weight this year. Considering the sum of money I´m gonna leave to the dentist in the next couple of months there´s no money left for food

Anyway, I walked 2.5 hrs today (half of it in a pouring rain. Nice winter we´ve got here ) and exercised for 15 minutes. It would have been more but my boyfriend got home from work and I feel kinda silly to work out in front of him.

So, out of these 7 hrs I promised to walk this week, I´ve done 5.5 and there´s still 3 days left

Eating has been 100% under control today. AND I said no when my boyfriend offered me chocolate

- 1 pound

I ate a little bit too much today, but healthy stuff, so I hope it´s okay.

Anyway, I´ve completed 7 hours of walking I planned for this week in 5 days! It´s gonna be tough tomorrow cause my granny has a bithday and there´s no way I´m gonna get away with two apples and a grape

We´ll see.
Going to watch TV now.

Okay, results of the first week:

Weight loss - 4 lbs (196 to 192)
Water - about 1l a day, need to work on that
Walking - about 7.5 hours
Exercising - only 15 minutes, that´s gotta change
Feelings, thoughts, mood - great! I feel kinda optimistic right now and believe I can achieve my goal if I only stick to my plan and think positive. I´ve done well this week

Congrats on your weight loss so far! I wouldn't stress too much on the water, it's hard to drink a lot if you aren't used to it, just try to ease into drinking more and more--I can imagine it'd feel overwhelming trying to drink so much more all at once.

And yeah, I feel strange working out in front of people too. I don't mind so much at the gym (I don't have a membership anymore, I used to go to the YMCA, but I can't afford that anymore--I miss it so much) because the other people aren't going to be watching me, they're concentrating on their own exercise, but exercising in front of someone who's not exercising or in one of the gyms that's all windows and passersby can just stand around and watch, that kind of creeps me out.

Yeah, especially when I´m all sweaty and exhausted and look like a fish and then people come and watch me exercise I´m fat enough as it is, don´t at least watch me without my make-up (That doesn´t apply to my boyfriend, of course, but still.. I look pretty funny exercising and not the good way)

Anyway, I went to see my parents this weekend and there were couple of things my father said that really shocked me. He´s a tall man, about 6 ft 6 (hope I calculated right ) and he occasionally steps on a scale, though he´s always been in shape. 196 pounds! That´s where I started from a couple of weeks ago and I´m freakin 5 ft 7! My big and tall dad weighs the same as me!
Later in the evening he saw a commercial on TV where a woman said she´s lost 37 pounds and dad´s comment was: she must have had a really tough life, it must be awful to carry so much weight around you. Khm. Yeah. Hey, dad, I´ve got 50 pounds to lose! Okay, so there´s 30 pounds to go to reach my normal weight, but what´s the difference? I didn´t even notice how fat I´ve become.

So here comes the second week.
And I´ll be good!

Gosh, it´s beautiful outside! Snow, sun, -15 degrees, everything´s so peaceful and white. Finally!
So I went for a walk, though it was only for an hour until a friend called and said he´s coming to visit. But it´s better than nothing!

I really shouldn´t weigh myself every day, it´s starting to get depressing. 0.2 pounds in four absolutely perfect days is... well, nothing. If it goes on like this maybe I´ll even get thin by the time my last grandchild goes to college...
But I have to keep in mind that wanting everything and fast is the reason all my previous attempts have failed. It´s better to lose 0.2 lbs a week than gain it.

About exercise... well, I still haven´t done any. That´s bad.
But I´ve walked 4 hours this week and there´s still 3 hours and 4 days to go. No problem with that

Yesterday I started thinking about my lifestyle and figured it´s not that bad after all I don´t smoke (never tried and probably never will), occasionally drink a glass of wine (maybe once in every three or four monts), don´t drink soda, eat the stuff that comes from my own garden, spend a lot of time in the fresh air (I mean fresh as forest fresh, not the stuff you breathe in a big city) and don´t eat junk food more than maybe twice a year. There are no major stress factors in my life and if things get a bit too tough I can always go and take a walk in nature, talk about it with someone or spend some quality time with family or friends. Helps AND with pets and boyfriend like these you spend at least half an hour a day laughing like crazy anyway.
It´s only that damn weight that prevents me from living a completely healthy life.
But that problem can be fixed

So I´m happy after all

I lost a pound!

Actually that´s not so important. The important thing is my BMI dopped to 29.9, so I´m not "obese" anymore, just "overweight"!!!
Well, you gotta be happy for the small things, aye?

Congratulations! Another step towards a healthier you