My back really really hurts. I hope it's not from the fall. Who am I trying to kid? I hope it's from doing too much housework or not sleeping well. I'll see the doc tomorrow morning when I'm off work.

I weighed myself this morning and a full 2kg from that 3 from yesterday is gone. That was a relief. Still, it could move faster and I wouldn't complain.

I'm not in a good mood, but then again, it's practically midnight and I'm on my way to work. On Mondays I start work at 7am and it takes at least an hour to get to the customer. I don't like Mondays. On the other hand, Mondays is when I earn most of my money so it's a necessary evil.

I hope to feel better when my brain is awake.

This is officially day 14 of the fast - minus the handful of rice stuff from Saturday evening which very quickly exited my body on it's own accord. Although I have had my moments of weakness, it's been surprisingly easy this time. I wish I knew the secret formula.

I plan to break the fast on Friday. I'm doing a seminar that day and it will be impossible to avoid food so I may as well make it that day. My only concern is that they won't have good foods to break with. It's not good to eat something heavy after a fast and I don't want to interrupt the seminar because I, the speaker, needs to run to the toilet to get sick. I'm praying for fruits and soup - that would be ideal.

The seminar is all prepared so this week should be stress free.

Okay, so that's all for today, I hope. I'm totally sleepy... off I go to work then!

Don't worry, it won't be 6.6lbs of FAT! There are SO MANY explanations for weight fluctuations.

Snow must be awesome! I've never been to the snow it barely gets below 20degrees celsius here.

DUH... of course! Thanks for the reminder - of course it's not 3kg of fat, it's just water fluctuations. Really, thanks for the reminder!

I broke my fast yesterday because I was just so stressed about the lunch I have to endure with customers on Friday. I don't want to feel ill after the lunch so I thought it best to break it now. I'm glad I did... I was quite uncomfortable with just an apple and broth. Today I'll have more fruit and broth and maybe have something more substantial on Wednesday evening or Thursday so that I can handle a salad on Friday.

I don't feel bad about breaking it. I have a million and one birthday parties coming up and that would be difficult on a fast so it's just as well. I'll do another 10-day fast before leaving for California, and then it's diet hell. I miss American food and I literally have a list of food I want to eat while I'm back home. It's terrible to vacation in the US - I think it's easy to abstain from temptation here because I don't like much of the food in general, but THERE... there's Jamba juice, Wendy's, and root beer!

Last year my dad was so sweet, he bought diet root beer instead of the regular just to help me out. And low-fat everything else - even low sodium crackers! He's been cutting back too so I think he can appreciate the difficulty. So, the two weeks vaca in Cali over Christmas won't be too too terrible. And! And! And! There's a really sweet dawggie that needs walking, so I'll not have an excuse to not exercise.

So right about now I'm thinking, or remembering, what my goal is - and it's a good goal. Only 2kg to go before Christmas - a little extra exercise won't hurt!

The weekend was good and uneventful. Went to a birthday party where some English woman was pushing her sausage rolls. I had one and it was clearly a taboo food. They were homeade and you could just taste the fatt in the dough. Ah well, one was enough to be sociable.

I've become so extremely conscious of everything that goes into my mouth. I watch other people eat and see that they don't seem to care what they put into their mouths. It's a little like an awakening.

I shopped around for gyms to join. I've lost my 12 kg without any *real* extra effort to exercise. I think that's fantastic! Nevertheless, I wonder how successful I COULD HAVE BEEN had I incorporated exercise. I've been ill so it was impossible to do anything with any regularity so I won't be so hard on myself about it. Regardless, I'm hoping to get the okay from the shouting doctor that I can get to the gym and maximise the use of my 12 months, rather than have him tell me I'll be out of commission for 3 of them. See... I might have to have a surgery on my back and I haven't a clue how it will affect my mobility and for how long. Sucks2beme.

I'm really just waiting on that before I go do the test week at the two different gyms. I don't know how gyms are in the US anymore, it's been FOREVER since I was a gym rat, but here they have these "systems" in place. They really map out a program for you and you do it and THEY track your progress. It reminds me of the last time I was at Golds and did their "program", but this is even more structured, if that's even possible.

So here's to monday.. more of the same!

I broke my fast a week ago and felt like I failed, sort of, not totally. I did it in an effort to avoid what could have been an uncomfortable professional situation, which it turned out was unneccessary.

So since then I've eaten sensibly and today was the first day I got on the scale since breaking my fast. I had mentally prepared for trauma and loathing.

I was happily dissappointed.

I was at 112.4 today, well below the dreaded 115. So I've lost my interim goal of 30lbs. I'm stoked!!

Then I looked at that and decided to do the math and found that it was 2.5 lbs a month which is TOTALLY reasonable - and overal quite an accomplishment I'd say.

I haven't taken measurements since June-ish and that was the last picture too. I think I know my task for the weekend.

I'm totally motivated to start an exercise program. I would imagine that adding exercise will get me to my goal faster. Hopefully... but I think I'm doing well regardless!

:willy_nill y:

I'm sooooo depressed to day. I actually thought of what would happen if I flung myself onto the train tracks. Funny, yeah, but not actually. I really am feeling very down.

I've lost the weight of a healthy 3 year old and I'm glad about that.

My pants hang on me and so I'm reminded constantly of my success.

Today I had the not so bright idea to shop for a new pair of pants. Somehow I've managed to be between my next smaller size, which are too small, and the ones I'm wearing now which are rather saggy.

I hate shopping for clothes.

Nothing fit. The size below this one was too tight, the size I'm wearing now was too loose, and I tried on every pair in the store looking for a cut which would fit. I left the store empty handed nearly in tears over the wasted effort.

I've never been perfectly proportioned, even when thin, but is it too much to ask for ONE pair of pants to fit me? Grrr!

I have to give another seminar in a week and I was hoping to wear something more flattering than these baggy "hobo" pants.

Okay, I'm in a better mood today.

I'll start my period any second now which would account for the bad mood anyway.

Usually before my period I gain quite a lot of water and don't get on the scale, but out of morbid curiosity I did.

I think it's broken. It said 112.8 If that includes water I'll totally freak out...well, as much as a 40 year old can freak out, I will do so.

The seminar will be conducted in baggy saggy pants and a smart but oversized blouse. I'm still not able to find my waist and until I can I won't wear anything that would normally show it off.

I'm so happy about my progress and at the same time so unhappy that I have so much farther to go. This makes me embarassed that I ever let my weight get so high in the first place.

I started my new program on Jan 1st, I don't know how the days got so wanky. I'll fix it on Jan 1, 08.

I think I have work stress and that is making me moody. I say I think because I work for two companies doing the same job - but I only have trouble with the customers from one of those companies. It's the exact same work!! So one company thinks I'm the cat's meow and the other thinks there is an issue with customer service. Super... I really doesn't make any sense to me, but it happens so often that a customer gets upset that if I were the employer I would think the same. Unfortunately, I'm me and I see one company who has troublesome customers and the other company who has fantastic customers. Not to mention my private customers who are happy.

I dunno.

I want to cut back my portions next year. I've been using fasting as a means to loose weight. It works for me. Between fasting I eat healthy and simple and obide by all those dieting rules of reduction. So you could say I'm on a super diet and instead of binging I go the other way. Like I said, it works for me and it also helps my psyche come to the idea that if I miss a meal nothing terrible will happen. After this year, it has almost worked.

I went to work one morning without my usual oatmeal and banana and was freaking out that I wouldn't have enough energy to do my job and the customers would think I was tired or lazy or blah blah blah, around I went with not having eaten anything that morning. I was able to finally remember the times of fasting and how I had plenty of energy and didn't need to grab ANYthing to survive until my next break.

Baby steps.

Is it ironic how someone who's afraid of being without food should find fasting a successful means of weight loss? I suspect so. That's me wrestling with my head... soldier on!

I haven't weighed myself since uh, the last count, which was 14 kilos or 30.6984 pounds, or round about there. That will be my official standing for 2007.

Since the beginning of December I've been to 4 christmas type parties and other such impromptu gatherings where alcohol and/or sweets were consumed.

I won't get on the scale again until the new year and rather than assess the damage, start from scratch.

In my culture the new year is a time for new beginnings and fresh starts. So whatever the weight, that's where I'll begin anew.

I'm sure I haven't undone all the good I did in the last year, I do have some self control, but it was a whole lot more calories than what I normally eat & drink.

I can look back on this year and know that I accomplished at least the goal of retraining my food choices. Next year's theme will be about portion control.

The jury is still out on the exercise situation... I certainly hope I can incorporate it because I'm terribly motivated to do so and I'd hate to waste all this motivation.

I'm off to Cali for some face time with the family. Oddly enough this will be the best part of the season due to the fact that my whole family is on any combination of blood pressure/cholesterol/weight controlled diets... all the easier for me!

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, or whatever you celebrate - have a good one!

Roll on 2008!