WOW...that really brings up some things that you never even knew existed, doesn't it? Here are my top three:

I’ve never not been “dieting”; is it possible to be content without it?

I don’t want to give up certain comforts/foods/comfort foods.

I enjoy pity parties—thrown by myself or others, so long as they are in my honor…and it disgusts me that I love it.

Ouch...I really am ashamed and have a lot of work to do; it's funny, isn't it, that losing weight is so much deeper than calories and scales?

Whoa! I could not even finish reading the article! I knew that about myself. I really wanted to stay chubby because it feels like a protective barrier from men. I get so nervous around men in general, and it helps me to know that they probably don't find me attractive.

Conversely, now that I am putting myself out there again to do this for good, I have found myself craving the changes a smaller me would bring. I really want more of a social life. I want to finish college, get a job, and move! I have plans to do all this anyway, and I thought it would be great to burst upon the world, diploma in one hand and a water bottle in the other. Just to be fit and trim and self-confident and me!

Anyone have any ideas how to cope with a general fear of men?

SoSel

I love this article. Thanks for posting it. I have an appointment with a therapist in the next few weeks, first time I've ever been. I'm hoping to get some help dealing with exactly this. I agree with the writer. I also agree that self help books might not be that big of a help. Some might be good... maybe my therapist will recommend some if so I'll post.

Oh BTW I'm new, glad to be here .

I've talked about this for a long time, and the fact is: I don't want to lose too much weight. I'd love to be a skinny guy with that "strung out rock star" physique... for some reasons. But the fact is, I don't think I would want to lose a lot of what I have that is directly due to my size. One of the things I am afraid of: Being an average, normal guy.
Weird, innit?

But you can go to target and get a cute outfit on sale for under 20 bucks - when you are a smaller size. And people will be looking at your hot body not your clothes. :-D

That was a good article. I guess I know what makes/keeps me fat. I haven't a clue how to deal with it, so the self-help book might be a good solution just to get a grasp on how or what or why.

I have been overweight almost all my life, and 4 years ago i started exercising and restricting calories. I lost weight very rapidly, 50kg (110lbs) in one year. When i got to my lowest weight, i also hit my lowest point emotionally. I don't know if this will make sense but i felt more vulnerable, more exposed, like i didn't know how to interact with people anymore since everyone was giving me very different attention as a thin woman, especially men. I ended up becoming very depressed and socially isolated, as opposed to being more outgoing and confident as overweight. Perhaps when i lost the weight i no longer had the safety of a layer of fat to hide behind, that if i got rejected from a job application or a guy, then i can't blame it on me being fat.
Anyways, since then i have put on half of what i lost, and this time around i am finding it extremely difficult to lose any weight or keep my eating under control. So maybe it is my Unconscious Mind associating being thin with being depressed and not knowing how to function in the world.
Thing is, even though i have regained much of that "safety fat", my mentality hasn't changed from when i was thin and i still feel frightened of the world. I don't know... i think i am well beyond being cured from a self-help book

This exercise had a profound impact on me today. It was like a breath of fresh air. My mindset changed and it was SO refreshing. I could see that there is more to enjoy in life than just food. Is it really, truly easier to be a food junkie? Thank you. Do you know where I can find more "exercises" like that one? Sincerely, Kelly

Spending too much time focusing on the fear can increase it, remember...
What you focus on will progress and what you neglect will regress!

Notice your fears and very quickly change what you are saying to yourself for example,
1. I am afraid I will fail and look stupid.

The focus here is on failing and looking stupid, when you hear yourself saying this quickly change it in your mind and voice to I am confident and successful in everything I do (choose the right words for yourself). Say this over and over again until this thought becomes a part of you rather than the fear thought.

Or if you are truly sick of these thoughts running your life and want to move on quickly go and have a session with a Theta Healing Practitioner. In one session you can change a large number of these negative programs which runs around in our heads.

I encourage all of you to realise your greatness and move quickly to your weight loss goals.

Go for it
Helen

I commented on this thread earlier, but apparently an itchy trigger finger issued an infraction to me in regards to my joking around about this article. Apparently it was, or maybe just possibly theoretically could have been, taken as a personal insult directed to somebody specific. Who knows who, and I'm not sure why. I really have no idea, because I was just joking around. If somebody read my previous comments and was in fact truly insulted, I sincerely apologize, that wasn't my intention at all, I just joke around alot, and if somebody is expecting me to be insulting to begin with, well I guess I could be taken as such.

Corndoggy, I don't think it was taken as a personal attack on one particular person. I, for one, appreciate your apology. Reading through the posts, and seeing people open up about the emotional side of their respective weight gains, makes me wonder about my own. For me, personally, to hear (read) your comment, simply brought out the thought "you're fat, so just stop eating so much" that I've heard from others and told myself so often. The whole idea of this article and exercise is to see what kinds of things are holding us back from being the confident, wonderful people we were meant to be. Perhaps you were just joking, but some people have heard comments like that their whole lives, and it may have brought up some negative associations.


This was my point of view of it only.

If I had a nickel for every time I had accidentally given offense, I'd be rich. I mean it. Especially if I managed to get a nickel for each person that was offended each time...
Whoa... that's a lot of money.

Well, to get back to the article, does anyone else find themselves looking for "quiet" ways to cheat on their food plan? The kind of thing with "plausible deniability" in it? "How do I KNOW it's bad for me? I don't... but... well, I'll just have a little bit." That kind of thing...

Also, has anyone lost friends because of their weight loss? I made a decision a couple of years ago, I decided to work on my social skills and present myself to the world the way I WANT to do it, instead of just hoping everyone sees who I am instead of just the "jolly fat guy". It has cost me a lot of acquaintances, and a few long-term friends.
I am even resistant to showing people this forum; I don't like the thought of my friends or family reading my posts here. Does that sound like more fear of success?

What about you?

I don't quietly cheat, but I do allow myself to have the odd thing once in a while, even though I know it's not that good for me. I've stopped thinking of it as cheating though, because that puts me in a negative frame of mind.

As to the friends, no, I haven't lost any. But I feel bad because a few friends who saw what I was doing and wanted to join me aren't really losing. And I don't want to be the 'tough love' sort, so I don't say anything to them unless they ask. Obviously, if they're not ready for the serious dedication, then nothing I say will have an impact, right? It's frustrating for me, but it hasn't come between us yet.

My answers were more like twisted contradictions:

I want to stay fat no I dont

I'm afraid to be thin no I'm not.

There was a hidden/obvious message in repeating "I want to stay fat...I want to stay fat..."

How about "I want to stay fat so I'll never be thin". This one made me realize that I'll always be fat unless I do something about it.

I feel for the folks who are feeling so poorly. I wish you transcendence.

DQ I know this feeling. I've been on both sides of it. When it's me knowing a friend is overweight I'm afraid to say anything to them and jeopardise our friendship, such as "Are you into any sports?" But a while ago, I was talking to a friend who had lost weight and was super-fit and had an excellent trainer. In fact, he was the reason I think she could achieve such fitness and focus. Yet when I asked for his details, she did not give them to me, saying, diplomatically, that I basically wasn't committed enough and would be wasting his time. I felt hurt. One, because I was actually asking for something that could help me to lose weight and being denied it. Two, because this person didn't know me. All she knew of me was the fattish me that she had gotten to know, and this was because I happened to be going through a major life change at the time that put my fitness and health in the back seat for a while. I understood her reasons for what she did and I understand that people don't want to bring up weight topics in general around someone who is clearly overweight... but some days I just wish someone would say to me, "Hey, let's go for a walk in the mornings together." I think sometimes I could lose weight so much easier if I just had more company in the same boat as me.

Man I would agree with all of these. I don't know why this isn't stuck or something, because I haven't seen it before. I think that if I take away the weight agony, I would be terrified. Generally my weight is the only thing I would change about my life.