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Are friends and family discouraging you from losing weight?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by IAmGoingToTri, Sep 23, 2016.

  1. IAmGoingToTri

    IAmGoingToTri Well-Known Member

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    Something I keep noticing, it that almost all of my friends and family is discouraging me from losing weight. When I tell them that I lost x amount of weight and that it's going well, they almost always say "so I guess you are done now?". I find this very weird, because I am far from done and that should be visible. I mean, I am around 94 kg and I am 186, and though I am quite muscular, and as far as I notice I am not more muscular than 12 years ago (or very little), when I was 76 kg, 18 kg lighter (and no I also haven't grown ;)).

    I like my friends and my family, but I find it hard to understand this behavior. It presume they want the best for me, but when I work on something that really benefits my life in many ways (besides obvious things such as looks and sports abilities) they seem to be holding back. Is it ignorance, is it jealousy, or fear, or what is it?
    I mean, if someone tells me that (s)he wants to lose weight, I just take a look at them, and unless they are very skinny I wish them good luck. I may ask them questions about their motivations, their methods and their (end) goals, but if these are good I encourage them to continue.

    Anyways, this confirms to me again that people are strange creatures. So, I am really curious if anyone could give a good explanation for why people act this way.
     
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  3. Dave Welch

    Dave Welch New Member

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    People are used to seeing you a certain way, a certain shape. They don't consider you as overweight and so the idea of you shedding 20Kg is very weird to them. As you get closer to your goal you will start to get the 'too much' comments and the 'are you sick' comments, even though you feel better now than you have for many years.

    I am 18Kg in with 12Kg to go, and the skin is starting to hang on my face, aging me about ten years, BUT, I feel sooo much better than I did 4 months ago. I can see were I am aiming in the bathroom, I can clip my toe nails without a mirror, I can put my socks on with two hands instead of struggling with two fingers, I can stand up from my floor mattress without having to roll over onto my knees, and the list goes on.

    Yes your friends and family love you, and they will get used to the NEW you soon enough. Just grin and bear the comments with a little smile and all will be well.

    Dave
     
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  4. Andrej

    Andrej New Member

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    That is really inspiring, Im happy for you
     
  5. Andrej

    Andrej New Member

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    I was 94 kilos when I was 180, in 1 year I lost 14 kilos, I did not notice the difference in my look, and probably you wont either. BUt other people see the differnce and its huge. You just get used to because you are seeing yourself everyday . I couldnt aim in bathroom before too lol now I can. And yes its funny. I do strenght exercises, small 5 kg dums and I exercise on bar, pull ups and chin ups. I started with 0 push ups now my record is 35. I hope you will keep going to your goal. And yes my family tells me I shouldnt lose anymore weight blah blah. They say I look good as I am now but I am just not satisfeid myself. :) hope I helped
    Andrej :D
     
  6. Dave Welch

    Dave Welch New Member

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    Actually, because I do not have any mirrors around the house, it is quite a shock to see myself in a reflective surface. I haven't had a proper look in a mirror since I started. I never planned this, it's just the way it turned out. I might continue avoiding mirrors for a personal treat for my target. I doubt that is possible though as my shorts, which I only managed to climb into a month ago, are starting to get a bit baggy around the waist, and clothes shops are full of mirrors.

    I tried push-ups during my last weight loss program and it was disheartening not even to manage a single one. I am not even going to attempt a push-up until I am at my final weight, or at least until I have done some arm work at the gym. I used to be able to do 5 vertical push-ups in my youth. 35, WOW! that is some achievement coming back from zero. That gives me hope :)

    Dave
     
  7. Andrej

    Andrej New Member

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    I would say you are wrong at this one,
    I couldnt do 1 push up when I was 94 kilos. And than I could do 1 push up when I was 94 kilos :D hope you catch me.
    Just in few days you can manage to do your first push up
    than it almsot goes like 2,4,8,16 every week :D. than slowly stops
     
  8. Dave Welch

    Dave Welch New Member

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    OK then, starting tomorrow, I will start working on the push-ups. Now look what you have done, I'm too old for this shit :)

    Dave
     
  9. Andrej

    Andrej New Member

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    Im glad I tried to motivate you :D. Age is just a number :). Never give up
     
  10. Dave Welch

    Dave Welch New Member

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    @Andrej - I just gave it a go, as I suspected, not even close. Nearly gave myself a nose bleed!

    Dave
     
  11. Andrej

    Andrej New Member

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    wow, how lol. You can try "girl" push ups on your knees as a start
     
  12. Dave Welch

    Dave Welch New Member

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    Yes, that's what I did.
     
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  13. Andrej

    Andrej New Member

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    would like to get updated about you :) I hope you will manage. I got from 20 push ups to 35 now
    and lost 3 kilos in month
     
  14. ChefChiTown

    ChefChiTown Senior

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    Sorry I'm late to the party but I don't venture into this section very often. Anyway, I've read this over a few times because my mind kept wandering through different thoughts each time I looked at what you said. Part of me said "Wow, her friends are dicks" and the other part of me said "You're missing something, Chef. Look at it again." So, I looked at it again.

    Have you considered the thought that your friends and family don't see you as fat or unhealthy? And, that might be why they aren't pushing you to continue losing weight?

    I have never been skinny so my friends have never seen me that way. They have always seen me as a heavy guy - my level of fitness has varied, but I've always been heavy. When I went through one of my many weight loss phases, none of friends really pushed me or spent any amount of their energy trying to motivate or support me. I never took offense to it though. I know my friends (and family) and none of them were ever going to be like, "Oh, you've lost 10 pounds? Well, you need to lose another 20, you fat asshole." Nobody was ever going to say that to me because nobody ever felt that way. They were used to the way I was - fat - so, they never saw the need for me to change. Hence, why they never encouraged me to do so.

    Could be, the same is happening with you and your friends.

    Just a thought.
     
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  15. La Dauphine

    La Dauphine Guest

    My in-laws don't discourage me from trying to lose weight, but they definitely don't make the process easy. They are the most lethargic, lazy, unmotivated and unhealthy people I've ever met. They go to work, come home and change into pajamas, order take out, repeat. (My husband is not like them, but he has a metabolism I would kill for so he doesn't quite *get* the work it takes to maintain a healthy weight.) I hate having to explain to them why I don't want to eat pizza for the 5th day in a row...
     
  16. Nic J

    Nic J New Member

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    My (underweight) dad's supportive of my weight loss, but my (overweight) mother and (overweight) brother are... not. I only live with my dad, thankfully, but the others are coming over for Christmas and are probably going to "help with the cooking", i.e. throw butter at everything. They practically live on cake. I'm hoping to avoid Christmas dinner, but I can't figure out a polite way to.
     
  17. Andrej

    Andrej New Member

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    Nah 1 dinner 1 day 1 week wont kill your weight loss.
     
  18. NicholeB

    NicholeB New Member

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    I agree with some previous answers, that your family/friends don't believe you need to lose weight or perhaps they fear you arent doing it in a healthy fashion.

    A little side story about myself that some people may not care about: I am very hard on myself when I am heavy. I joined this website because I needed somewhere to openly speak about my diet, my successes and my feelings about all of it. I am not surrounded by people that want to hear me talk about it. I accept that, but I do need an outlet. My boyfriend isn't exactly... encouraging. I often hear things like, "Well good job, but you need to stick with it." Or "Mhmm.. i have heard this before." (Mind you, he is 20 years my senior and overweight himself) And my personal favorite, "My friend's wife at work lost her weight and she left him. Should I prepare?"

    I just stared with my mouth open at his discouraging words and stupid accusations before replying with, "A good man doesn't worry that his partner will leave him when she is thin and healthy, because he wants the best for her.. unless he thinks her low self esteem and weight is the only reason he got her, in which case, **ck you." And I turned and left the room.

    If your people dont support you, they simply arent your people. Find the ones that are. Family is family regardless, but there is a whole world of people out there that will push you to meet your goals. And if you dont feel like looking far for that friend, I can fill that position. :) Keep it up. You are strong, you can do it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2017
  19. IAmGoingToTri

    IAmGoingToTri Well-Known Member

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    First, welcome NicholeB! :)

    Second...He's 20 years older, not encouraging you at what you find important, not believing in you, overweight and keeping you down so that you don't leave him?

    I would get the hell out there and never look back. You deserve better girl! Pursue your dreams, believe in yourself and go for it.

    Unless I am missing something.

    Thanks for your encouragement by the way :). Good to have you here, you will definitely find some people who will encourage you (although I recommend finding some "real life" quality people too).
     
  20. NicholeB

    NicholeB New Member

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    Hello IAamGoingToTri.
    My father is quality! It helps to have him, but I dont have much family otherwise. And I live 3 hours north of my hometown so my friends are limited here. But I do participate in the schools and community and get plenty of support there. I was mostly projecting, I apologize.

    No, you are not missing anything in reference to the boyfriend. He is a good man in most regards but terrible dating partner and we will be separating in the near future, and certainly not because of my weight. I value myself to know people like that cannot change. We have been together for 7 years and have a child together. No ring on my finger and I wouldnt say yes if he asked.

    Thank you for your words of encouragement too. :) see you around.
     

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