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Bubbles: The Diary

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diary' started by MsBubbles, Nov 25, 2016.

  1. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    One pound at a time. The thought just occurred to me. I'm still at 170, which is fine, as it means my weight and appetite are stable. So I'll try to do small things each day to get a pound off, then the next pound off, etc.

    I'm so tired but I need to work out. I'd like to say "I'll go to bed early then wake up at 5 and work out for an hour!" but future me is laughing at that and rolling back over in bed after switching off the alarm at 5. :rolleyes:
     
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  3. LaMaria

    LaMaria Senior

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    :) I think you´re right about that... Small changes over a longer period of time are more realistic. That´s me telling myself, by the way...
     
  4. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    I had to dig deep to find my old journal from last year! I moved house and had a huge upheaval, throwing away a whole lot of possessions (downsizing). Consequently the healthy food went out the window. But now I'm in my new place and have many more hours a day more than I used to have.

    So! Where was I? Oh yeah. Back up to 175, where I started. My goals are still the same. This time I am doing ok sticking to the rough aim of 3 meals of a certain amount of calories/food, and an hour of exercise each day for now (it all adds up to 1 hour : 26 mins walk to work + 10 mins stair climbing, literally, + 24 mins minimum of weights in the evening). So nothing grand. No massive upheaval or change in schedule.

    I have a milestone coming up in about 2 months and really would rather be nearer my goal weight then. Plus, I still really want to buy and wear FUN clothing! If my appearance and clothing style spoke, they'd be saying "I am an asexual, tepid entity". I'd like the outside to match how I feel in character.

    Sigh. Here we go again. Glad to see there are a lot of journals here though. It helps to not feel alone in this.
     
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  5. Sunflower_

    Sunflower_ Senior

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    Welcome back to the forum!
     
  6. cate

    cate Senior

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    Welcome back MsB. You have lots of company :D
     
  7. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    Where was I (since March)? For heaven's sake. :willy_nilly:

    Went to my homeland to visit my family. Started eating all that lovely childhood comfort food the minute I landed, didn't stop til I got back home 2 weeks later.

    I'm now finally back on a plan. It's less calories than before. I hate to say I'm even counting calories because it has triggered me so often in the past. But now I'm SO much heavier than ever (my perpetual "15 lb to lose" is now at least double that), I am just telling my internal rebel to shut it and sit down and be quiet. This is what I am going to have to do for the meantime. I'm promising myself 90 days on my new plan. Two down, 88 to go. :)

    I miss my muscly legs (the muscles are still there - just no-one can see them under all the fat), I miss my skinny arms, and I miss having a waist. I only ever had a butt I could be proud of for a few short months so that's something I won't ever really be able to count on. :blush5: So if I can get the other three back at least, I'll be so much happier.

    I'm going with 4 small meals, plus fruit & veg for snacks. Exercise happens. Some weekdays it's hard to fit it in though. I can adjust the amount of food for days I do, and days I don't.

    Alright. Here we go. :hurray:
     
  8. Rebel lee

    Rebel lee Senior

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    welcome
     
  9. cate

    cate Senior

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    I absolutely hate counting calories too, but decided to start again today. You can do it hon!
     
  10. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    Thanks Rebel Lee and Cate! Yes, sometimes I guess we just have to do it for a while until we can ease up on it. I certainly don't intend to count them for the rest of my life.

    Went to the hair dresser's yesterday - they had a big spread of donuts and pastries! I ate a donut. It was heavenly. It didn't trip me into a binge though, although I could tell my body wanted more of the sugary, fatty starch later! It feels good to know that I am dictating my food intake, rather than my food intake dictating to me, as typically happens with me, causing the excess weight.

    I'm going to do a long workout today outdoors, which'll burn about 1500 extra calories. I'm not doing it because of that, but for my brain. I need a few hours outdoors to stay sane and sensible. It's difficult to find the correct before/during/after calorie intake for these excursions. I guess before isn't a problem, but during is essential (don't want to end up in the hospital later due to lack of essential electrolytes or calories, even), and the 12 following hours usually brings overwhelming waves of hunger, which I'm going to need to be prepared for.

    So if I'm shooting for 1200 - 1500/day (depending on activity levels), plus 1500 how much do I need to allow myself extra to not end up running to the store at 11pm for an ice cream and pizza binge? Maybe an extra 800? I'll see how it goes and report the findings.
     
  11. Rebel lee

    Rebel lee Senior

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    Omg u had me at donut........
    :donutlust: <-------- god i hope something weird doesn't pop up....
     
  12. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    Yeah sorry! I usually try to not mention the offending foods here. I know when I'm reading other people's diaries and they mention some particular kind of food, I suddenly want it. But would not have thought about it otherwise.

    Well I didn't see a donut smiley, or anything worse, so you're good! :D

    The workout went ok yesterday. I felt great for the first 45 mins (out of 2 hours), because for once I wasn't lugging huge amounts of food around in my system, trying to digest it while doing the exercise. I took a couple of Gu packets with me plus frozen water (which thaws perfectly over the 2 hours). Turns out I should probably have taken the frozen gatorade instead for the extra calories, and 2 more Gu packets, as I started to feel a bit weak when I got to the mid point and had already downed the energy gels. I thought I'd have trouble getting back to my car if I pushed it more than that. I just about had enough energy to get back to my car + orange juice. So this'll be an adjustment - to be ready with the energy gels sooner, and have more of them with me. I ate some kind of weird sesame cracker I got from REI right before setting off, that was supposedly 250 cals, but sure didn't feel like it. I don't think it helped me at all. Plus I almost broke some teeth trying to eat it (too expensive!).

    Oddly enough after this kind of exercise I'm usually ravenous, but last night I really couldn't tell if I was hungry or not, so I didn't eat much. I had one of the 350 cal meals plus a snack but that was it. But then of course I woke up suddenly at 4am last night absolutely starving.

    Honestly, I'm either 100% hungry all the time, or 100% can't tell if I'm hungry or not. So, I'm either overweight or rather skinny. But it has been about 6 years since I could be described as skinny, so I've been 100% hungry that whole time. :biggrinjester: And anyway, being an older female now, I really don't want to be all that skinny as my face'll cave in. :rofl: I'd just like to be within a healthy range again. I'm not that far off it but I do have to get back there.

    Today again I was expecting to be ravenous but again, was able to hold off until a meal time, and not overeat or eat too quickly. I'm being so sensible around food right now I don't recognize myself. I hope it lasts for 90 days (85 to go!).

    I'm going to do some weights now.
     
  13. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    I have managed to lose 1.7 kilos. :) I have my scales deliberately set on kilos so that I don't really know just how heavy I allowed myself to get, or how little or how much I lose! I know I could multiply it all by 2.2 to get pounds, but I'm trying hard not to. I don't want to know as I'm easily triggered from decades of agonizing over weight gain. As long as I'm losing, I'm happy. By the same token if I gain any, I won't really know how much I gained (unless I go there - to the 2.2 times tables in my head).

    I did a bit of recon after work today and intended to just walk 2 miles or so and pick the train up again back to my car. I ended up walking 4 miles. A long walk after a day at work makes me feel refreshed by the time I get home.
     
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  14. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    Walked again about 3.2 miles today total. Very enjoyable.

    I'm really feeling the hunger tonight though and probably will have to have some cheese or a teaspoon of PB (something fatty) in order to be able to sleep later. This is the first time in 10 days or so that I've felt the hunger and for some reason, want to indulge. Hmm. I think that last part is psychological, because I had ordered a top from an online shop, which of course looked beautiful on the tiny Chinese model. It hung in pleats as she has rather less boobage than me. I put it on and, well, I look like a fridge in it - it clings to everything: boobs, belly, hips, and not in a good way. It has some kind of semi circular cut-out in the front that again, on the tiny model hangs in pleats. On me, it's just an odd-looking and unflattering semi-circular shape! So it's going back. This has upset me. I know it's stupid for me to think this way.

    That is why I now feel aware of my hunger. It's like some kind of devil, going "Aw! Are we all sad now due to the humiliating top we tried on?! You know that sweet, fatty food in the kitchen? That'll make it aaaaaalllll go away for a while. It will! Go try it if you don't believe me!". :reddevil: Oh go away, comfort-eating monster. :cuss: :banghead:

    Ok well it felt good to confess that.

    I promised myself 90 days! 7 down, 83 to go. I can and will do this.
     
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  15. cate

    cate Senior

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    Hope you resisted that little devil hon. You can do this :grouphug: xoxo
     
  16. LaMaria

    LaMaria Senior

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    Hi Bubbles, nice to see you´re back.
     
  17. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    Thanks Cate and LaMaria!

    It feels good to not have gone to Bingeland in a sulk.

    Still sticking to the program. Walked 2 miles tonight on the way home (2 stations). Feeling a bit tired these days. Taking vits whenever I remember.
     
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  18. LaMaria

    LaMaria Senior

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    Remember to get plenty of sleep, too. Especially if you're moving more than you have been.
     
  19. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    Yeah I am not one to skimp on my sleep, that's for sure! I'm so evil without 7.5 hrs/night.

    Ok! I survived the 4th July holiday. Didn't overeat or binge on anything. So this is now 2 whole weeks without a binge at all. I still don't want to. I want SO badly to get rid of this weight that a binge is just an unwanted pest right now.

    I haven't weighed myself until the last time when I was back where I started. So about a week, I think. I believe I broke even calorie-wise from Saturday to Tuesday, and got back on the calorie deficit by Wednesday. I still feel fat and heavy, and in the mornings my stomach is still sticking out but there are less piles of it up under my boobs, so I think I have lost a tire or two. My bras fit me again and I think my upper arms are looking smaller again. These are the first places I lose fat and the last places I gain it. I can't wait until my waist reappears. I am needing belts again now for my fat pants.

    If I weighed myself now it'd be bad because I have ankle swelling from traveling this past weekend.
     
  20. LaMaria

    LaMaria Senior

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    Well done enjoying the holiday weekend without going crazy! Seeing and feeling progress can definitely help us stay on track.
     
  21. MsBubbles

    MsBubbles New Member

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    Thanks, LaMaria! Yes it certainly does. I'm almost thinking I might just forget about weighing myself for about a month because I *know* I feel lighter, that I need belts, and that my arms are starting to look like they used to again! No matter how much weight I gained in the past before about a year ago, my arms still passed for 'skinny' by most people's standards. Well I really turned things up a notch this past year and my upper arms became unrecognizable to me. I think that bothered me more than anything. So I'm thrilled to find that I think they are re-emerging as their old selves again.

    On being older and trying to lose weight:

    It's true...you can't do the same old thing you used to in your thirties and expect it to come off as quickly as it did back then. In my 30s by the end of the first week of sticking to a diet, I would have lost 5-7 lb easily. And now, 2 weeks into it I am ONLY JUST starting to see anything happen. It's incredible. It's very tempting to throw in the towel after a week and think "It's not working! Why bother!". So I'm going to have to get used to a different schedule, and I think I'm going to enjoy the journey, now that I can see that I am actually on a journey and not just stagnant.

    You know that 'plateau' that you hit after you've been dieting for a while, lost some weight but then your body adjusts down to the lower calorie level?

    Yeah in middle age, that's days 1-14. :rotflmao:
     
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