Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diary' started by cate, Mar 26, 2007.
Damn I need a love button..I tend to listen to 80's music more than anything else.
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I know! We do.
Still drama at the club?
Oh, yeah! I think the club is imploding.
I'm so glad you're feeling more free. You definitely don't need that in your life.
You are freeing up time for the good stuff!
I dont guess itll ever get better.
It may get better one day, but we still won't go on Committee.
I'm off to play golf today with the women. I have done nothing wrong & I'll try not get too involved in any discussions about it all afterwards. I don't want to be churned up again.
G & I will decide as the year goes on whether we'll stay. It depends on a lot of things.
I don't understand why people feel the need to gossip about that stuff anyways.
Warning: club related.
Well, that didn't work. It seems that half the local population has heard about the conflict & drama at the club & so many incorrect versions are going around & everyone is being asked about it. When most of the women had left & it was just 4 of us left & after hearing 3 versions of it all, each of which was incorrect, especially the one blaming the women for someone going off the committee(this story came from one of the women who is malicious & tells lies), I broke & said: "Do you want to know what has actually happened? Oh, God. This is exhausting!" & I told them. It's very complicated & I just typed 2 paragraphs & deleted them. Suffice to say, I think the club is imploding & I doubt it will survive. I am divesting myself of all of my positions at the club, one by one. One of the women, who I really like, said "Well, just don't answer questions when you're asked & don't talk about the club" to which I replied, "So, are you going to stop asking me questions?" The point was taken.
One thing that I took from yesterday is that these women, in particular, want me to stay at the club. When I said that G & I may need to go away for at least one year & then maybe come back when, hopefully, things have changed for the better I got a loud "No. Don't go." I just got a text message from one of them saying "It's better to talk than to bottle things up & that she definitely won't say anything to anyone. " We keep getting phone calls of support.
I talk & talk & talk to G & he thinks & thinks & thinks & then says something that he has obviously been thinking about for quite some time & we often come to the same decision at around about the same time. I said to him the night before last "So, it's not OK to answer any questions about the club or put any information on the FB page, but it's OK if we do manual work, like picking up the rubbish & sorting it into recycling. Is that all we're good for?" To which he answered, "I've been thinking the same thing." I'm still waiting to hear what he thought we should do about that though. He's out at the club now, helping the course manager do a major annual job on the greens. It will be good for him to talk to this guy. We both have a lot of respect for him & that is why G is out there. We are all volunteers out there. No-one gets paid.
The nights are really chilling off now & it just rained a little. It has been so dry & so hot. I will have to really concentrate on being active this Winter.
My mood is really affected by lack of sunlight in Winter. I will have to concentrate on doing what I can to try to overcome this.
Our younger son, R is still down & that is hard to cope with. I can't change that, unfortunately. He only started taking very low dose, Bipolar meds a couple of weeks ago & they may need to be adjusted up a little. I don't think he is taking the low dose antipsychotic yet as he is scared he won't be able to function at all if he does. He was misprescribed a very high dose antipsychotic alone, by a GP, & was totally zonked out. I think he is due to see the Psyche this week. I told him I think he needs to take both & give them a chance to work properly. This sadness has lasted too long.
We are travelling down to see him & take him to see a live band on Sunday week. He does well with family contact.
I have had this thought that I would love to set up a couple of cabins on our land. I try to picture what we will do one day & as our sons do not want us to sell our home & land I try to work out how this might work. Perhaps build a cabin that we might live in on our land & one of them live in our house? A cabin that R could live in now if he wants to? We have a lot of land, with lots of private spots. I like the idea of having what could be a sort of family commune & the house could be the main house for communal & social things. You could have a small cabin for guests. For that to work as we get older we would need a cabin, purpose-built for us & in a peaceful spot, not too far from the main house, but with some privacy. It's just food for thought at this stage. I do like the idea of building a small cabin nearby. I don't want to wait until something happens to us & we have to make snap decisions that we may regret. It's been weighing on my mind a lot recently. I think realising that I may have reduced mobility for a while if I have my feet operated on has triggered the anxiety.
I'm feeling OK really this morning & am thinking aloud as I often do. I won't delete my ramblings. I didn't get much sleep again last night. It's lovely sitting here, listening to the rain. I'm having what I think might be a couple of skin cancers attended to today at 12, so I had better get out of my chair & get on the move soon......
That´s funny: two of my dad´s brothers live down the street from my parents and I remember talking with one of my sisters how nice it would be to have all our closer family live together but spread out in a kind of commune.
Best of luck to R; the fact that he´s seeing a psychiatrist and starting to take his advice (even if he doesn´t take all of it at once) sounds like a good sign.
It would be good if our sons started having that conversation LaMa.
The last couple of days have been very mixed & I will attempt to give a precis. I'm not good at that, as you know unless I'm feeling very down.
Edited- It was impossible to be brief! Sorry!
I had some spots burned off & the doctor is sure that they are not malignant. The nasty stuff on the club facebook page got taken down by the guy I appointed admin & I am confident that he will run the page professionally.
I had an appointment at the local medical centre for a test, by a nurse, to see if I have a problem with blood circulation to my feet & ankles.
It didn't start well. The minute I was called in I was assailed by strong perfume & was spinning out. She said: "So, you're here for an ABI?" & I snapped "I have no idea what that is. I don't know your acronyms. The doctor said I'm to have my circulation tested." Then I asked her if she was wearing perfume & that I am really allergic to perfume. She asked if I would like the window open & I said: "yes please" & quickly used my puffer. My head was really spinning & she asked me to lie down & I had to do so for 15 minutes with her near me before the tests could be done.
I know that I rambled on almost incoherently & my brain was in a total fog. I asked for a mask before she started the test & asked her politely if she could wash her hands in water before she touched me. I am quite confident that she thought I was a raving lunatic.
It took about 45 minutes all up. I was stuck in that room for 40 minutes of that with her, smothered in her overpowering strong perfume. When she ducked out at one stage I waited a couple of minutes & removed the mask a little & breathed in the fresh air coming through the window. As soon as I heard her coming I quickly replaced it & was able to speak coherently for a little while. She asked me to wait in the waiting room to see the doctor. I said I couldn't & would need to wait outside in the fresh air & asked her to tell the doctor where I would be. I got outside as quickly as I could & collapsed on the bench seat.
Serious allergic response-
I sat out on the street & concentrated on breathing fresh air into my lungs. I was probably out there for 15 minutes & rang G to tell him that I wouldn't be able to walk down the street to meet him & would need to be picked up after I saw the doctor(U).
About 5 minutes later I can hear this tentative voice calling my name& U appeared looking at me very quizzically. "Are you OK?" & I could barely answer her. I said "No" & staggered into her room & collapsed into a chair. The nurse had not even bothered telling her I was outside, let alone that I had reacted to her perfume.
I won't go into all of the details of our exchange, but I think that my doctor will take my "allergies" more seriously from now on. She was really shocked at my physical symptoms. I had a splitting headache, inflamed eyes & sinuses, palpitations, the blood had drained from my hands & face. I was a shaking mess. I could see the panic in her eyes. She started attaching things to me. "U, I am not having a heart attack. I am not having a panic attack. This is a reaction to the perfume on the nurse." She said that I have never told her, how bad it is, but I know that is not true. She just didn't understand. She has now seen it for herself. We had a very robust conversation. At one stage she said "I knew you didn't like perfume..." & I stopped her & said "There you go, U. This has nothing to do with not liking something. This makes me very sick." I told her that I don't go on & on about it as no-one takes you seriously. I said I know that I get sceptical looks whenever I mention it & feel that people think I'm a raving lunatic & don't believe me. She looked at me, in an embarrassed way. At one stage she laughed & I said: "I know that is a nervous laugh, U, but this is not at all funny."
I tried stressing that you should be able to go to your medical centre & not be subjected to perfume on the staff. I said that the waiting room is something they can't regulate, but staff they should be able to. She then said that there is a room I can go into & wait next time. "There are a couple of other people who don't like perfume who go in there." "U: you just said it again. See what I face?"
Oh, god. Through all of those tears, I told her how much I fear my future & why I'm thinking of creating my own allergy-free commune. I cried that I would never be able to go into a home as no-one respects or even tries to understand what it means to be so allergic to these toxic chemicals. She tried thinking of someone for me to go see & I told her that avoidance is the only solution. An allergy "specialist" she recommended I saw about 20 years ago couldn't suggest anything other than avoidance.
I know that I sound like I was incredibly rude, but I wasn't. I am usually not capable of communicating my frustrations at the total incomprehension of most people about the effect these things have on me, but this time I could. My words came out through many tears. It was a truly horrible experience, but if I have been able to convey to her how serious it is, maybe it was a good thing. I came away with a prescription for a very strong cortisone pill, which I will only take in an emergency.
I spent the rest of the day taking it easy. I couldn't read very well as my eyes stayed blurry for the rest of the day, but I had a reasonable night's sleep & have woken up, itchy & aching all over, but not feeling too bad. I am meant to have the kids for a few hours today & just realised that I was also meant to pick them up in 11 minutes. I'm not even showered or dressed. I just rang & am picking them up in an hour. I think I will take them for a picnic in a park as fresh air will do us all good & often E's hair smells strongly of cheap shampoo. I need to do some shopping for things to have at D's house so that when they come up here or go in my car I am not responding negatively to her, because of the fragrance. I know it's not her fault. Her dad can't afford the more expensive fragrance-free products I know. I love these kids.
You tread such a fine line with your adult "kids" D often comes up to our home, reeking of Lynx deodorant, gives me a hug & says "Sorry Mum. I forgot" & then snaps at me when I react. I don't think I have ever told him either, just how sick it can make me. I wish G would tell him.
Anyhow. This is not getting me on the move. I would love to be staying at home, just pottering around, but maybe I'll go buy some stuff to leave at D's as we're having all 3 kids tomorrow as well & 3 kids in our little car, with fragrance, may put me right back where I was yesterday.
I'm sorry hon, I know it sucks. What happened to you should bloody well be taking as seriously as when someone who's allergic to peanuts breathes in that allergen. Cortisone is great but pills don't get absorbed very quickly. Have you asked your allergy doctor for an emergency kit? Maybe you could expressly ask G to explain to your sons: he may not feel comfortable talking to them about your medical stuff without your explicit consent. All the unscented hugs, my friend, and a forest full of fresh air.
Thanks, LaMa. I'll try talking to G about it. He's just not good at " the talks" that are often needed. It has always fallen to me. I think we'll have to be together to talk to him. R is really considerate of my allergies & thinks of things I don't. He has the hotel where he works disconnect room deodorisers when we stay & if I say a particular room was fragrance-free he'll ask that we have that next time. He fully understands how sick it makes me.
I actually had a lovely day with the kids today. E, my GD, & I really engaged with one another. I am reading a book called "Untangled" by Lisa Damour & it's aim is to guide teenage girls into adulthood.
G has just arrived home & I'll come back & complete this post.
I like to give G some attention when he arrives home. It's not the "Honey- here are your slippers & pipe" like it may have been in the 1950's, but I think the people we live deserve our attention. He's now told me about his day at golf( good day, no hassles& & I have told him about mine (good day, good connection with our GD) & we can now happily settle into our happy place. He's doing the crossword & I'm here
I am well aware that I do not relate well to women & girls as well as I relate to men & boys & I would like to fix that, especially with our GD. I think this book will help but I also think it's because I want to learn how to be a good grandmother to her. I also know that I feel that she is a lot like her mother & I don't respond well when she sounds like her mother. Of course she does. It's my issue & I'm the adult, so I'm working on that. Today felt really good.
I bought her a top that she was drawn to, but which I thought was not very age appropriate. She tried on another & it was too tight, but she said it was ok. I then suggested she tried on the one she liked & said it would need a Cami top underneath She left a t-shirt on underneath & it looked wonderful. We then had discussions about the colour needed to go under it & she said she already had some at her Dad's & at Mum's & I asked her to wait outside while I paid. She was so excited & I think she thanked me about 6 times!
We then went back to D's home & I waited for A, their older brother to get home from work & came home. E & I chatted for most of the 4 hours that we were together & that is the closest I have felt with her for a couple of years. She's only 11.
I am itchy all over though. I decided to spend the day with them away from home when I realised E's hair stunk of cheap fruity shampoo & conditioner. Today I have bought her some more fragrance-free stuff.
I am very glad to hear that. Both of it. Does she know about your allergies?
She does, but it's up to her Dad, what products she uses at his house & therefore up to me to buy fragrance-free products as I know he won't. I told her all about my reaction yesterday & we had a good discussion about it. G is going to ring D tonight. He needs to take this more seriously & he'll listen to his Dad. Family dynamics are usually complicated. I love both of our sons equally, but I have a better rapport with our younger son. I am well aware of our flaws & strengths & know that we are good people, but juggling family dynamics is not easy in the slightest.
Not having kids would be easier, but then again, we just love our sons & our grandkids, angst & all.
O, I´m aware of that, I was just thinking she´d be more inclined to actually use the fragrance-free products (rather than the colorful, marketed-to-young-teens crap) before going to see you if she understands her nana suffers if she doesn´t. Kids can be a whole lot more understanding than adults sometimes.
No risk, no fun
Im just the opposite. My friends have always been women. Even the hunting and fishing pals..i guess its just one of those things..
Wow, I missed some stuff. Cate, if there is anywhere else you can go play golf, go. That club is about to implode of itself like a dying star and you don't need that in your life. I actually left a barn and a dance studio for that crap and have not been back.
Also, I'm shocked and appalled that any medical professional wouldn't take it seriously when you told them you're allergic to something. What the hell.
She is a very considerate girl & has always used the stuff I have provided before. I talked to her about how sick I was on Friday & she understood. As a parent, you tread a fine line. I'll have a good talk with D & explain just how sick I can get when exposed to fragrance. I'll tell him about Friday. I need to convey that my buying fragrance-free products for him & the kids to use at home for when they come in contact with me, is not undermining his independence. He knows that I love to help him whenever I can, but I also know that he needs to feel less dependant on us financially & I think that will always be a struggle for him.
Women often have good male friends & men often have good female friends. I don't see it as being the opposite, rather it's the fact that we can get along with members of the opposite sex, sometimes more than we do our own.
Going to another club requires a travel of at least 40 km each way minimum, starting all over with new women & probably needing a bigger car to carry our clubs & buggies. Where we are now we can leave them there for only $25 a year & we both like the Vets group & I now feel comfortable with the women.
Oh, Cory. Fragrance allergies are just not taken seriously here at all. Food allergies? That's a whole different kettle of fish! It is bloody frustrating & depressing. Mostly I want to scream at people, but that would just reinforce the common belief that it's a psychological illness, rather than a physical one.
I can't see how I will be able to get through to people about MCS (even the name is not strong enough- Multiple Chemical Sensitivities.) It makes it sound like you're a delicate flower. Perhaps I need to go through a horrible process of seeing doctor after doctor until I have names for all of this has will make someone take notice. Auto-immune disease? I know of people (in the allergy group my sister is an admin for) who have been sectioned into mental hospitals because they have been taken for being crazy because of this. She has fought to have them released. Most people in the group are virtually housebound because of their allergies. They all vary in what they are allergic to.
Anyhow, I will try to deal with the family thing & fragrance. I just invited our son up to dinner tonight & we will talk to him about it. That's something I can attempt to control at least.
Separate names with a comma.