sorry this is long but I really need help loosing weight. I grew up in an abusive home, believing my whole life I was severely obese. My mom was an extremely overprotective, health nut and until my junior year of high school, I was actually at a very good weight for the activities I was doing. (roughly 170lbs) I would eat 3 perfectly healthy meals a day, most of the time when they say to limit your portions, my mom took it the wrong way and I was essentially getting 3 snacks a day. My younger brother and I would do whatever we could to get different food. Even though we were already getting very nutritious meals, we were always hungry. We would have a secret stash in our attic of crackers, chips, and anything that would last a long time and be a level to be ok in the summer heat. When I started driving my junior year, we had more access to sweets and other food before and after school. That’s when I started gaining weight. By the time I graduated high school and turned 18 two months later, I moved out of my abusive home to live with my dad, at the time I was roughly 220 lbs. I continued to live the same life style, and age whenever food was available even though there was so need to stock up on food. It’s been a year and a half since I left my mom and I know I’m over 280lbs, I’m too scared to weigh myself. I don’t know what I have to do to loose weight. I’ve done two diets since I left my mom. I was barely able to last two months on the diet and ended up gaining 10 pounds and feeling miserable the entire time. I never had a scale for the second diet I did less than a month ago so I’ll never know if it worked. I’m terrified of excerise, my mom would force me and my brother to go to the gym everyday after school and completely overdo it. My summers were spent crying as she would scream for me to run faster on a 2 mike trail for 16 miles, and no I’m not exaggerating. She would judge me as I started weightlifting and would scream at me in front of everyone there if I couldn’t do 10 sets of 100 reps and would force me to do more. I am in counseling, and had to put off college so I can learn the things I was suppose to learn as a kid. I’m 19 and didn’t really know until 2 weeks ago about how grocery stores are really like and how they work. How am I suppose to loose weight when I’m terrified of the gym and working out, have no idea about choice with food, and have such a negative outlook on working out in general?